Delete Your Defaults

In this episode, Rosa and Aaron explore the difference between chasing safety in the outside world and cultivating it within yourself. From anxious text messages and people-pleasing to conflict avoidance and self-criticism, we unpack how many of us mistake the familiar for the safe—and how that keeps us stuck. The conversation weaves through relationships, self-trust, nervous system regulation, vu...

Join us as we explore the strange, slippery nature of rules: which ones actually matter, which ones are just habits disguised as truth, and why so much of modern life depends on collective agreement more than objective reality. Wander with us through speeding in Boston, jaywalking, airplane seat swaps, recycling myths, corporate theft, public transit etiquette, and the spiritual practice of becomi...

Disappointment isn’t the problem—avoiding it is. In this episode, we explore why disappointment is actually a signal: it shows you what you care about, what you want, and where you’re still making things mean something about you. When you turn it into a verdict on your worth, it sticks. When you’re willing to feel it, it moves—and gives you useful information instead.  We talk about the link betwe...

What if the unknown wasn’t something to fear—but something to meet with curiosity? In this episode, we explore wonder as a powerful antidote to control, fear, and self-importance. From “what’s the best that could happen?” to loosening your grip on outcomes, we unpack how wonder opens new possibilities—in your choices, your identity, and your capacity to experience life more fully. 

The story suggests that courage feels powerful, but we bust that myth in this conversation. We talk about why acting in the presence of fear is the real definition of courage, how avoidance quietly shrinks your life, and why expanding your capacity to feel discomfort is the gateway to freedom. From night swimming to skydiving to awkward social risks, we unpack how fear is often more about protecti...

For our April 1 episode, we took a deep dive into  KPop Demon Hunters  — the absurd, hilarious, surprisingly moving movie that gave us demon boy bands, soul-sucking pop anthems, six-eyed magpies in tiny hats, and one of our favorite metaphors in a long time. We walk through the whole film, from Huntrix battling demons mid-flight to the slow unraveling of Rumi’s hidden shame, and explore why this r...

If you’ve been exhausting yourself trying to control what can’t be controlled, this episode offers a gentler, braver path: cultivate self-trust, release the performance, and discover what becomes possible when you’re finally free to be yourself. We unpack the illusion of control and why confidence is built  after  you move — not before. From rock climbing metaphors to reframing your inner critic,...

In this episode, we explore  perspective —the invisible spectacles you’re wearing every moment of your life. From snowy silence and the subtle sound of hot water changing temperature, to conflict, politics, business growth, and even God’s-eye view, we unpack how where you stand determines what you see. Perspective isn’t just opinion—it’s the frame built from your identities, experiences, and the i...

Doubt isn’t evidence that something is wrong with you; it’s often a sign that you’re standing at the edge of growth, exposure, and transformation. Doubt is a signal worth listening to. In this episode we explore doubt as a fear-based safety strategy—tightening the body and spinning the mind. From failed launches and lingering colds to Stoicism, gym metaphors, and welcoming discomfort, this convers...

Let's dismantle one of our most seductive illusions: that we’re in control, and that that's what makes us safe. In this episode, we explore how control, expectations, disappointment, and safety are intertwined. We get into what we  don’t  control (almost everything) from what we  do  influence (ourselves). We dig into the fact that attempts to control life often backfire—amplifying frustra...

What if love isn’t a feeling, but a verb—a set of actions, choices, and ways of being? In this episode, we take on one of the most loaded words in our culture— love —and get underneath the defaults our culture hands us about what it is and how it's supposed to look. We explore reorienting toward love as an  action , a  practice , and a  capacity for growth —rather than a possession, performanc...

In this episode we explore curiosity as a way of being, as a practice that softens defensiveness, loosens certainty, and reopens the doors your nervous system has been calling “walls.” We talk about how our minds invent “facts” in order to maintain the comfortable illusion of certainty, why being wrong is not a moral failure (it’s freedom), and how curiosity makes conflict, coaching, and real rela...

In this episode, we pull apart “perfection” from multiple angles: the rigid, human version that freezes us in place, and the spacious, spiritual sense that everything is already perfect as it is. We track how perfectionism shows up as  proficiency fatalism  (“they’re so good, why should I even try?”), hidden competitiveness (“if I can’t be sure I’ll win, I don’t want to play”), and a deep avoidanc...

In this episode, we look under the hood of incentives—the seen and unseen forces that quietly steer our choices. We explore explicit rewards (bonuses, treats, “if I do X I get Y”) and the subtler, socially programmed incentives that keep us car-brained, over-consuming, lonely, and stuck on the individualist treadmill. We talk car culture and walkability, the myth of “more personal freedom = better...

In this episode, we unpack the slippery power of  expectations —how they can motivate, manipulate, cheer or demotivate. We tease apart expectations vs. ambitions vs. intentions, explore why  unspoken expectations  are The Worst, and offer body-based ways to feel the difference between attachment and optimism. From rock-climbing mantras (“climb hard and have fun”) to million-dollar-goal thought exp...

What if discomfort isn’t something to avoid—but an invitation into expansion, aliveness, and self-trust? In this episode, Rosa and Aaron dive into the strange, surprising terrain of discomfort—anticipation, dread, exhilaration, growth—and what it means to meet it with curiosity instead of resistance. From skydiving and long flights to creative risks and self-talk, we explore why everything you wan...

In this episode, Rosa and Aaron unpack why most “communication” isn’t—yet. We explore trading “How are you?” for openings that spark real connection, explore why “Does that make sense?” falls flat, and share practical moves like reflection and slowing down to speed up. Along the way we touch on self-talk as a performance enhancer, the limits of language, and the courage to keep conversations open,...

If you’re ready for friendships (and a life) that can hold truth, tenderness, and growth—this one’s for you. Episode snapshot Rosa and Aaron unpack what we call full-contact friendship : relationships where we stop performing, tell the truth, and meet each other in the gritty, generous middle. You’ll hear about midlife “unraveling,” the comfort trap, type-2 fun, and the inner work that makes vulne...

For all that we live in a world that pretends we’re rational beings doing rational things, feelings drive everything in our lives, or block everything. Developing the skill of feeling our feelings, allowing them to move, expressing them healthily determines the quality of our relationships, our creative output, our work product, and so much more. We explore how our feelings can bring us wisdom and...

This episode explores vulnerability as the core to full contact living, how avoiding vulnerability is a way of trying to be in control and stay safe. But what is safety? Protecting ourselves from life means protecting ourselves from living. Vulnerability is the courage of giving ourselves permission to BE ourselves out loud, and in so doing, making ourselves available for real connection. We explo...

People are craving authenticity more and more – both expressing it and being around others who are embodying it. We explore our own challenges to being authentically self expressed and our experiences getting in touch with it. We mention a few resources! Brene Brown and her concept of the Midlife Unraveling . Doctor Rachel Zoffness, who was featured on the Pain episode of the Ologies podcast . Ros...

What humans are capable of is so fucking awesome. Why don't we lean into more of that and less efficiency and making money? What does it mean to live fully? How do we be present to enjoy our lives? We explore the value of boredom, and Aaron commits to going on a boredom quest. We discuss the pleasures of getting to know the landscape of our neighborhoods and the simple yet mind-bending idea th...

In this episode, we explore what it really means to be kind, the cost of being nice, what it means to be real, and what’s the deal with so much fakeness these days? We mention these pieces: Kim Scott: Radical Candor: Fully Revised & Updated Edition: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity Greg Story of Brilliant Crank: We've built a society on bullshit and emojis and LinkedIn is a...

All humans – including you! – are creative. And we all have creative processes, though we aren't always aware of what they are. In this conversation, we explore our creative processes, and barriers and facilitators to creativity. We mention a bunch of people, including: Gary Bernhardt of Destroy All Software I credit Maya Angelou with the quote that you should let your failures refine you, not...

In this episode, we explore the concept of work life balance, the definition of success, and the foundational question of what is your life for? We mention a bunch of books, podcasts, and people! Here they are: Douglas Rushkoff and his Team Human podcast Paved Paradise: How Parking Explains the World by Henry Grabar Killed by a Traffic Engineer: Shattering the Delusion that Science Underlies our T...