Dear Pod,

Is this episode about fears or FRIENDS? Perhaps it's about lawn furniture. Doesn't matter. Because at the ninety-ninth episode and day three thousand six hundred and forty one of the pandemic, Erin has officially lost her mind. So, please join Patrick and Jules as we search through the Maha'a Tiki Lounge for what's left of Erin's sanity. God's Speed!

Get out your toupee tape because we don't want you to lose your WIG during this episode. Whether or not your hair is receding or proceeding, we here at the Maha'a Lounge believe that we can spot someone wearing a rug at twenty paces. So let's snack on some Thin Mints and Samoas as we apply a bit of spirit gum to the laces of this week's show and tease it high for all to enjoy!

GUEST ALERT! Don't you dare pay for that motel room with your credit card. Pay for it like any normal, cheating human being having an AFFAIR...in cash. No paper trail! Let's talk cheating spouses and uncomfortable romps between the sheets as film and television star STEPHANIE KURTZUBA visits the Maha'a Lounge and sheds some light on her roll in the cinematic hay with up and comer performer, Bobby...

Get our your Mercurochrome, Neosporin and Alcohol Wipes cause we are a bit ACCIDENT prone this week. While Abby deals with a husband who has a special agenda behind the drivers wheel, Ann deals with a husband who can't figure out how to clean his socks. All the while Erin and Patrick are trying to heal the egos of all the people whose names and faces they have forgotten within a week. Don't slip o...

GUEST ALERT! Things are getting hot, steamy and sexy in the Maha'a Lounge this week. While Ann and Abby blush over articles of love on VALENTINE'S DAY, Erin and Patty sweat and scream while, outrageously entertaining and oh-so sexy, NATALIE JOY JOHNSON straps one on and shows us all how to find it, rub it, slap it ride it...oh God...whew...that was great...I need a smoke. Get into Queen, cause her...

Happy BLACK HISTORY MONTH! This week Ann and Abby tackle head on or sometimes avoid the topic of race, bigotry and tolerance. In the meantime, Erin and Patty have absolutely no time for your racist, bull$hit, ignorant nonsense. With that in mind, let's all join the conversation. Except for you, Troy. Just sit there, listen and for God's sake, learn something.

Unless you live on your own private island, there is no way getting around the joys and drama of your NEIGHBORS. Are they envious of your color schemes on your abode? Does their potbellied pig make your cold heart warm up or just turn your stomach sour? Doesn't matter. Cause unless you move, you're stuck with the fact that their Christmas decorations will be up all year. So, chew on that, Spanky....

While peeing in a urinal, Michael Leeney turned to me and said, "My Dad is smarter than your Dad." What? What is that supposed to mean??? Why are you telling me now? Did I mention we were in kindergarten at the time? You ask me if I hold a GRUDGE? This happened over forty years ago and I remember it word for word! Pour yourself a big glass of Pedialyte cause our stomach lining is in shambles over...

SOBRIETY. What a wonderful idea. Then a coup happens and all bets are off. Let's pour ourselves an O'Douls or a vigin margarita and see who is a lightweight and who can bend their elbows with the best of them. No judgement here if you just stick with Diet Coke. But honestly. After what happened this past week...I'm adding some Rye to it.

It's a New Year and a new GRAB BAG. Can a wife use her husband's karate classes as a reason for divorce? Can I divorce my husband if he has a crush on Ann Landers? Let's not jump to any rash conclusions. I think we should all sit up. Clear our throats. And sing through them. Yes. Sing through your throat and welcome to DEAR POD in 2021.

GUEST ALERT. Have you written your RESOLUTIONS for 2021 yet? No? Good for you! Did ya see what happened when you wrote them in advance for 2020. That's right. A knee to the crotch. But all is not lost DEAR POD Family. This week, Master Instructor at Peloton, the indefatigable CHRISTINE D'ERCOLE will be guiding us with hope, sweat, tears and the best damn playlist to get us through this new year. I...

Ho Ho Ho and Hee Haw to You All! It's that magical time of year when we throw holiday parties and get mad at the smokers. Bitch about why we have to give a gift to our children's teacher, and shove cloves into an orange because no one has any better ideas. You better watch out because we have a SPECIAL GUEST calling in who is sure to offend everyone. Now, take off the mask. Take a deep breath in....

GUEST ALERT. Let's shake out our hands and stretch our legs. Cause not only are we sending out HOLIDAY CARDS this week, we are kicking our legs up high with former Radio City Rockette, JULIE TOMAINO. Yeah that's right. We are going to time-step our way into your hearts. Kick-Ball-Change the sunshine into your day. Double Turn, Pivot, Step...CRAP...OH GOD...EVERYBODY STOP...I think I just sprained...

This week, let's turn on the oven, get out the cookie sheets, prep the rolling pin and tell the family to, "Get the hell out of the house and leave me alone, because I am BAKING!" Milk will curdle, chocolate will be burnt and cakes will fall as we mix, whip and fold another weekly episode into this delicious holiday season. Get those chestnuts roasting, cause here we come nipping at your nose and...

Quick question. Why did it take a worldwide pandemic for us to realize that maybe we shouldn't stand over a frosted dessert, blow out BIRTHDAY candles and then serve pieces of this breathy, saliva covered treat to our family and friends? This is just one of the hard hitting, professionally researched questions that we will most likely ignore on this celebratory episode of DEAR POD!

Whether you hop on a Peloton Bike or visit your local Lucille Roberts, you're going to have to shed off the extra pounds gained on this THANKSGIVING. I mean, is anyone coming over this year? Are we going to eat this entire meal ourselves with no other guests? Are you telling me the house will be calm? No fights with Uncle Lou at the dinner table? (wiping away a single tear) Pour me a Specialty Coc...

GUEST ALERT. OK. Let's move the sofa a bit more to the right. Now, I would like the main feature of this room to be a six by six foot picture of my dog dressed as Benjamin Franklin. I really think a piece like that would make a bold statement. What ever your tastes, this episode about HOME DECOR still doesn't answer the question why the shag carpet was invented in the first place. Perhaps our spec...

Not only will I GRAB that BAG but I will take everything off of that shelf and put it in my cart. We're off the rails this week because husbands are barking at dogs, salesmen are renting girls and Erin and Patrick are mainlining Super Market Sweep into their veins. Clean up on Aisle three, cause here they come!

Another year. Another ELECTION. A lot more than mud has been thrown around these past four years. Whether you're an 8th grader running for Class President or a President who acts like an 8th grader when running for re-election, let's put our differences aside and agree on one thing. The holograph of Robert Kardashian could be the thing that saves us all in 2020. God Bless You and God Bless the Uni...

Get into your Cocktail Waitress costume and a different type of mask this year, cause it's time to celebrate another go at HALLOWEEN! Do we give kids candy this year? Are they coming to our front door? Or do we just buy a slingshot and fire a Baby Ruth at them? Let's pour ourselves a nice, stiff glass of Witches Brew and figure out if we pass out colored pencils or hand sanitizer this year.

GUEST ALERT! It's not so much that we see dead people, it's just that they just won't shut up. This week, as the Ladies take on questions regarding PSYCHICS, Erin and Patty welcome Psychic Medium, ANGELINA DIANA, to the pod. Candles are lit. Mind is clear. If anything starts to float in the Maha'a Tiki lounge, we are outta here! Now, I predict that you will goto patreon.com/dearpodofficial and bec...

GUEST ALERT! Hide your kids and hide your wife because we're celebrating October by embracing the GHOSTS that walk among us. Do you still talk to your old dead girlfriend even though you've been married to another woman for years? Do we use "sporks" in the after-life? Grab a scone as we welcome Emily Seeley Banos to the pod and see how much a group of adults can piss off a dead, sea captain.

GUEST ALERT! Fill the canteens, pack your socks and pitch a tent, cause this week we're all hanging out in the great outdoors. Erin and Patrick will be safely inside the nearest hotel, warm and toasted as the rest of us are braving the elements. Join us with special guest, Mountain Climber, Author, Speaker and Over-Achiever, JOHN BEEDE, as we shimmy up the side of the weekly cliff that we call, DE...

Filtered or unfiltered, it doesn't matter. This episode on SMOKING is definitely going to tar up your lungs. Does your 85 years old father practically burn the house down every time he lights up? Is the expression "My Husband Is Smoking In The Bedroom" not a real turn on in your house? Grab a Krispy Kreme and smoke 'em if ya got 'em, cause we're blazing up this week's episode.

We got a wedding ANNIVERSARY in the Maha'a Tiki Lounge this week. It's only nine years but in pandemic time that equals one hundred and thirty seven years. Whether you pay off your spouses bookie or get them an overpriced, sandwich bag full of apples, the gifts are overflowing this year. Let's all pile into the mudroom and get this party started!