Dear Pod,

Let's see. Mask, Purell, Clorox Wipes, Windex, Lysol and Books. Yup. I have everything I need in my backpack to go BACK TO SCHOOL. We'll begin this semester by wiping out our parents bank accounts because our on-campus bar tabs aren't going to pay themselves. Then we will threaten them by dropping out because we miss them too much and can't be away from home. Isn't education fun?

This week we're climbing back on the horse again and saying "I Do" to a SECOND MARRIAGE. Remember to call your Ex on the way to the church just to make sure her new husband is satisfying her because you are a caring ex-spouse. Let's slam our beach umbrella into the sand as we walk down the aisle to another week of advice and rigmarole.

Van Dyke, Flavor Saver, Crumb Catcher, Lady Tickler, Five O'Clock Shadow, Lip Wig, Nose Bug, Mouth Brow, Pancho Villa, PeachFuzz, Winnebago Locks, Fu Manchu, Redundant Mops, Suburbs Of The Chin, Tom Selleck, Mobile Tea Strainer, Grass Grin, Fanny Duster & Emperor Fredrich III. Oh. By the way. This week we're talking about FACIAL HAIR.

GRAB your BAG and head on over to The Pineapple Ranch this week because anything goes. There are rooster's that won't shut up, toothpicks being used and French men who just don't understand Ann Landers. Like I said. A bit of everything. Throw in a Specialty Cocktail and your weekend just got started!

We're cleaning up our act this week. Well, sort of. Just a quick drenching in the BATH or SHOWER, a quick "How's Your Father" on our bits and pieces, and a hit of Hai Karate Cologne and this weeks episode is the sweetest. smelling thing that has ambushed your nasal cavity in the last six months. Who's luckier than you?

Ya know, in this day and age, it is nearly impossible to make an OBSCENE PHONE CALL. What happened to the good old days when you can walk into a phone booth, slide the door closed, pick a random name from the phone book, put in a dime, dial a bunch of numbers on a rotary phone, squat down in the booth so no one can see what you're doing...Oh, God...this is too much work. I'm going home to dial up...

Now you see this episode. Now you don't. I know. You weren't ready for some skilled MAGIC happening all up in your face this week. Let me ask you this, is your married boyfriend's kisses magical? Is the mother of six, magical in the kitchen? Before we answer these questions, we need a volunteer from the listening audience to come up and step in this box. Now, this is a razor sharp saw...........

Lock the front door. Do not answer your phone. And, if that PSYCHOPATH stands in your front yard, in the rain, with that stupid radio held over his head, he can drown for all I care. Now, let's browse Facebook and see who looks normal that we can start dating next week.

OK. Take your right arm. Shake it out. Let's relax those fingers. We don't want anyone pulling muscles. Now, reach into that GRAB BAG and see if you pull out some cold, hard cash to pay your plastic surgeon with. Or, maybe you'll find the guidebook to raw and cooked sex. Only one way to find out. Deep breath. Now, reach on in.

GUEST ALERT!!! We can't think of a better way to celebrate Independence Day than an episode dedicated to the Men and Women who have selflessly served our country in the United States MILITARY. Join us and our special guest, Actor, Writer, Staff Sargent: ANDRE JACKSON, as he helps Erin clarify which branch of the military fights on land and who protects us by sea. Now, drop and give me twenty becau...

Grab the sunscreen, get the water bottles, pack some snacks and grab the barf bags. We are spending the day at the AMUSEMENT PARK! Should I let me pregnant girlfriend ride The Cyclone? How can I possibly afford change for my kid to play video games in the arcade when they are selling beers in oversized cups? Pull down your safety bar and remember, you must be this tall to ride this week's episode...

Get ready. We're sweaty, awkward, nervous and ready to blow. This week we're losing our VIRGINITY. When should we lose it? Who should we lose it to and if we don't use it, will we lose it? All of that and a "How To" by Erin that will haunt you for the rest of the summer. Get out the dental damn, cause it's time to pop that pesky cherry!

We are bursting at the seams because everyone in the Maha'a Tiki Lounge is beaming with PRIDE. This week we kick off Pride Month with parents who have always known THAT is how their son was born and he is AMAZING, Gay Pride Parades so fabulous that it freaks straight people out, and a story from Patty that show us all the strength of the human spirit. Things are getting real today at The Pineapple...

It's 58 degrees. Looks like rain. It's the first week of June. Come hell or high water, we are all getting in the POOL today. So, let your neighbors know that you will be making a lot of noise and no one is to get Aunt Janice's hair wet. No one!

GUEST ALERT! Masks are slowly coming off. The grass looks a little greener. The sky is a little bluer and all I want to do is DANCE! Get out your tap shoes and let's learn today's combination as we welcome Tony Award Winner, CADY HUFFMAN, into the Maha'a Tiki Dance Studio. If we do our job right, we will all have shin splints by the end of the episode. Now. First position. And... 5, 6, 7, 8!

Get ready to dig, prune and seed. Because, this week we're visiting the GARDEN. In that pot is the rare Dear Abby letter where a man sings to his tomatoes. And wilting in the pot next to it is the popular Ann Landers letter that wants you to shut up around your plants. Just remember, everything looks better when surrounded with mulch. Including this week with DEAR POD!

Don't let the title throw you. We're just GRABbing some BAGs today. Wow, that somehow seems worse. Anyway, when was the last time you went head to head with someone about the art of squeezing toothpaste? While we're at it, when was the last time you read up about the art of getting hit by lightening? Put on your rubber soles and get yourself grounded for today's life lessons.

Pandemic or not. Masks or Face Shield. On The Rock or Straight up. It doesn't matter because DEAR POD is fully vaccinated and ready to celebrate its 2ND YEAR ANNIVERSARY. Join us in our "Way Back Machine" as we take another look at the outrageous, horrific, hysterical, gassy and entertaining past year that came to you week after week directly from the Maha'a Tiki Lounge in the beautiful Pineapple...

Umm. You're twenty minutes late. You keep interrupting everyone and your fly's down. Do you have any MANNERS? Well you come to the right place. By the end of this episode Erin and Patrick will have you saying please, thank you and apologizing for your ground shaking flatulence at the kitchen table. How lucky are you?

The tank is full. The tires have air. That weird pine tree smelling thing is hanging from the rear view mirror. Who's DRIVING? Not me. I need to yell at you from the passenger seat. But we definitely should do the drive thru at the Dairy Queen. I mean, what good is a car if you're not going to use it properly. Buckle up as we merge onto the highway of this week's episode!

GUEST ALERT! Pull out the rabbit ears and attach the tinfoil, cause today we are turning the knob, getting rid of those wavy lines and revisiting the wonderful world of TELEVISION. And who better to guide us through this magical world of game shows, sitcoms and TV drama? None other that TV's sweetheart: Betty White. Nope. Nope. My bad. It's MICHAEL KOSTROFF. Their breadth of work is so similar, yo...

GUEST ALERT! Start dipping those microphones in sanitizer because the COMEDY clubs are reopening and God knows what toxic hell is coming out of that prop-comic's mouth. Joining us via Zoom is funny lady and host of NPR's Ask Me Another, OPHIRA EISENBERG!. Are Canadians funnier than your weekly church bulletin? Only one way to find out.......................That's your cue. Hit the play button.

Grab that last tube of toothpaste or anything gooey in reach, because today we are GRABbing BAGs. Would you go to a dinner party hosted by your husband's ex-wife? Can I just write an open letter to my children and hope that Ann Landers prints it? How long will it take during this episode for Erin and Patrick to talk about poop? Only way to find out is to put on your comfy shoes and come on over!

Get the bats out of your kitchen and that thirty something year old virgin out of his mother's basement, cause we're facing our biggest FEARS this week. Is Patrick too scared to make out with his co-host? Will Erin ever be comfortable around a dinosaur? Put on your comfy pants and belly up to this weeks bar of goodness!

Get in the car. Head over to Costco. Buy an oversized pie and some cheap wine cause it’s time to over-indulge as DEAR POD celebrates its 100TH EPISODE!!! Join us , won’t you, as we enter our new “century” direct from the Maha’a Tiki Lounge in the beautiful Pineapple Ranch! Batten down your hatches while we figure out why DEAR POD and peanut butter should not be refrigerated. Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘e...