Dealing With My Grief

As I post this, I am in St. Louis... at my mom's house... finally going through her things. As I spent 13 hours in a car driving here, I had a lot of time to think about this process; how hard it might be and the emotions i would face as I tried to determine what I would keep for myself, what I might offer to others and what I woulkd just get red of entirely. It was difficult when I first got star...

Latasha James is the founder of James + Park, a digital marketing company based in Detroit. She is also a YouTube content creator and host of The Freelance Friday Podcast. Latasha talks candidly about the love she has for her father who became  homeless after her parents separated. She explains how forgiving him is helping her move forward in her grief. While he suffered with addiction to alcohol,...

This week, I've been listening to a new podcast, 'Grieving Overdose Death' by Susan Claire. Susan is a listener to the podcast who decided it was time to tell her own lost story and to give a voice to others who like herself have lost a loved one to a drug overdose.   I have often said that if you have something to say, say it. You may not find support from the people you expected, but you will fi...

Dr. Sarah Neustadter is a licensed psychologist based in Los Angeles, specializing in suicide prevention, loss, and grief, including those grieving the suicide of a loved one. She has over a decade of professional experience identifying and treating those at risk of suicide, especially teenagers. Sarah is passionate about helping others understand grief as an entryway into a deeper process of spir...

This weekend I binge watched season 3 of the TV show Master Chef. The show is a competition for amateur cooks hosted by Gordon Ramsay (and other celebrity chefs) to determine who the best home cook for that season happens to be. The aspect of this particular season that had me glued to my TV was the fact that one of the contestants was blind. How could  someone without sight cook fancy meals in a...

As the St. Louis Blues make a run at the Stanley Cup, the National Hockey League's (NHL) biggest prize, I took a moiment to look back at my time growing up in the city of St. Louis and my relationship - or lack thereof with hockey. Even though I am not the world's biggest hockey fan, I really want the Blues to win it all. Growing up I was (and still am) a huge St. Louis Cardinals baseball fan. Hoc...

This past week - Memorial Day weekend here in the United States, I had a chance to finally meet Dr. Joshua Black of the Grief Dreams podcast ( griefdreams.ca ). I took him to Arlington National Cemetery and we watched the changing of the guard at the tomb of the Unknown Soldier. It was a very powerful experience. He happened to be in town to speak at a conference given by the Tragedy Assistance Pr...

As I think about things that I have to do to settle mom's estate, I realize that once I go through the rest of her personal effects, I will go through another huge wave of emotions. I'm not exactly sure what that looks like. That's part of the future of my grief journey. When I look back at where I started with the death of my father, I realize how far I've come. I know I can handle it. I know tha...

As I was drinking a glass of wine (that turned into the whole bottle) on Mother's Day, I starting thinking about things that she would say to me in the form of unsolicited advice - specifically about people would would call themselves my friends but were only hanging out with me because I had a car. I didn't want to believe this to be true... after all I was simply becoming more popular as I got o...

This week I had the honor of chatting with Dr. Joshua Black of the Grief Dreams podcast ( griefdreams.ca ) and Shelby Forsythia of the Coming Back podcast ( shelbyforsythia.com/comingback ) about the importance of Mother's Day and how those of us who have lost our mothers will cope in the absence of Mom.

People have been reaching out to me asking what I'm doing this year for Mother's Day.  I will say a prayer for my mom, have a conversation with her... even if it's one sided and I'll do something that we'd normally do together. At least that is the plan. "Plan" is the operative term. Just because I think that's what I want to do doesn't mean it'll happen that way. If I feel I need to switch it up,...

After seeing so many posts about time healing all wounds this bast week and with the NFL draft taking place, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to talk about that dirty little for letter "T" word again... time. Teams look to the NFL draft to make there teams better. Instead of waiting for their allotted pick to come and hoping that the player they may want to select will still be available the t...

Today is the 41st anniversary of my father's murder. I hcan vividly remember everything that happened on this day back on April 24, 1978. Walking into the store and finding my father lying face down in a pool of his own blood. The difference this year is that I have to face this one alone... mom is not hear for me to talk to. The force that used to calm me and help me somehow make sense of all of...

This past weekend I participated in the 7th Annual DC Webfest, which showcases independent digital content creators in the areas of short films, web series, games, VR, podcasts and other areas. Surprisingly, the podcast won the festival's highest award for podcasting - the Gold Award. I'd like to thank DC Webfest, 20/20 Productions and the judges who voted for the podcast. It was an honor to be in...

I've been asked if I get depressed after doing an episode of the podcast and Ive been told by many people that they can't listen to my show because they get the vibe that it will be depressing and it'll make them sad. I ask these people if they watch television shows like NCIS, Law & Order, This is Us, or even 48 Hours. If the aswer is "yes" then my follow up question is why do you watch a show wh...

Today I have a chat with Tom Biddulph. Tom's blog, Good Grievings chronicles the several loss stories he's experienced throughout his life. As one who wrestled with if and how to share my own story, I was curious to discuss why he chose to blog about grief, or even speak about it in the first place. As always, I'm always interested in discussing grief with other men. You can find Tom's blog here:...

Reach in you pocket, wallet, or purse and pull out a bill, for me that is a 20 dollar bill. Now look at it and frocus on the different element of the bill. Where was it made? Have you been there and if so how did you like it? How are you going to spend that money? Put gas in the car, buy groceries, or pay bills. maybe you'll save it - who knows? When my parents died, they were different things to...

Sometimes the things I plan don't come out as expected. This podcasr, for example, is edited before being released. You don't hear all of the umms, aahs, ands, or buts that I say during the episode's recording. The reason for this is that I've edited them out. Grief is the same way... Sometimes, I put on a smile or tell people that I'm doing OK, but really I'm not. I'm simply masking my feelings b...

This week I share an amazing conversation I had with a woman who is teaching her children that it is OK to speak about your grief and that it's Ok to be vulnerable around your children when it comes to grief. Rhiannon Jones is a writer, life coach and author of the book "The Web of Grief." She has written blog posts and articles for charities such as The British Heart Foundation as well as the men...

I had the opportunity ro watch one of my favorite movies, The Untouchables and to reflect on one of the key quotes of the movie for me... "What are you prepared to do?" This movie centers around Prohibition in America, a time when the manufacturing and consumption of alcohol was illegal. Al capone establishes an illegal alcohol empire by manufacruing and selling liquor on the black market. Elliot...

 It is not often that I have a conversation with someone who has suffered multiple losses and has found the courage and the means to use it a way to help others who are going trough their own struggles. Anne Brener is the author of "Mourning and Mitzvah: A Guided Journal for Walking the Mourner's Path Through Grief to Healing" first published in 1993 and now revised and expanded and published as a...

The Washington Post has a longtime running advertising tagline, "If you don't get it, you don't get it." I always thought that this meant if you didn't subscribe to or read the Washington Post newspaper tyou were missing out on the best news you could get about the DC metro area and the most political news possible. Now, as it relates to my grief journey, it simply means that that unless you've be...

Sam Feldman and Ken Levy are members of the National Widowers' Organization. It's an organization created by Sam to help men deal with their grief by talking about it with other men. we have a candid discussion about losing a spouse, finding companionship after loss and the act of moving through your grief by sharing your experiences with other widowers. for more information about the National Wid...

When my dad died, I struggled moving forward because I couldn't let go... not of my father, but of the things that kept me from living - fear, anger, revenge, uncertainty. I had to let those things go in order to mentally and emotionally let myself live. I have to now retrain my brain to do the same thing in the absence of my mother. For grief related resources go to: http://www.dealingwithmygrief...

I returned to work for the first time THIS YEAR after the longest government shutdown in U.S. history. Usually when the government shutdown happens ist only for a day or to until these things get resolved, but not this time... the shutdown lasted 35 days. No one was prepared to go that long without receiving a paycheck.  So this week I reflect on the uncertainty presented with grief as it relates...