Dead but Delicious

If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I love a moment of reflection! Who doesn’t cherish the times you exit A Situation feeling less than great and being like, So what can I learn from this? There have been years when I avoid eye contact with these lessons like a dog in trouble. If you don’t look at it directly in the face it can’t hurt you! Other times, A Situation will unearth lessons that ch...

Heads up: content mentions SA (non-graphic). Community is a subjective and muddied word that has a different meaning to nearly everyone. For example, when people say “LGBTQ community” I roll my eyes because I certainly don’t share values with most of my fellow LGBTQs. The “kink community” gets an even more violent eye roll from me. Is this “community” in the room with us right now? So much rupture...

I’ve been taking notes on solitude/aloneness/and loneliness over the last several months. There is a lot more where this came from, and maybe you will get to read that, too. i. This is the scene—my future bedroom is the choir balcony in a completely open 2,000 sq ft one-room church house built in 1897. Roughly six feet from my back door begins a cemetery even older than the church with gravestones...

I don’t talk much about my history as an insatiable succubus because that version of myself is lifetimes away, an unrecognizable specter howling for painpleasure in the rearview mirror. I was much younger then, in pain and greedy for the novelty of feeling something, anything. I’m different now, right? A horror filmmaker, she said, as she sipped her mezcal, chunky silver rings on each finger clink...

In COVID isolation and very sad, I decided to re-read X , Davey Davis’ new novel. They had generously sent me an advance copy months ago that I read with anticipated fury as soon as it landed at my doorstep. I didn’t have the energy then to give it the proper review it deserved. I don’t know if this is the review it deserves (I know my strengths), but do I hope my earnest excitement will suffice!!...

I didn’t write much here last year. I’ve been eating my own medicine, or whatever. Being kind to myself and letting myself feel, respond to what I need, not forcing things – you should try it. The rest feels good but the self-worth tied to the production of things not so much. My creative juices all but dried up thanks to the pandemic. Do you know what that means for me? Let me begin to count the...

Most of the masochists I know were the type of children who put their fingers in the candle flame, the ones who poked safety pins through the top layer of their skin in the back of study hall. They felt the effects of serotonin long before they had the words to describe it. It was only a matter of time and circumstance before they were writhing under the strikes of a paddle. Others discovered much...

Like every good neoliberal bisexual feminist woman of heterosexual experience learning about queer rights in my early twenties, I too believed that sexuality and gender were two distinctly different things. I would get on my newly queer-in-theory soap box and explain to my cis-het boyfriends or dwindling number of straight friends how gender and sexuality were like the sun and the moon. Here is Th...

CW: Sexual and physical assault, and descriptions of heterosexuality. My copy of Leatherfolk edited by Mark Thompson is stained with tears, I hid my wet eyes from fellow passengers on the A train as I devoured it on my way to work. So many pieces in that collection really touched on the emotional facets of leather and illuminated all the ways that queer love pushed to the margins can bring us all...

For Valentine’s Day, I want to share some thoughts about the very romantic and kinky relationship structure known as D/s!!! In the nature of self-editing, I always hear the voices of potential readers in my head getting upset with me because they found a nuance to poke at or are applying my words to their situation and internalizing my Dominant and Authoritative voice to be The Law thus invalidati...

content warning: age play, incest play, consensual non-consent A few weeks ago my girlfriend and I were in the planning stages of a live rope event we hosted together virtually. We knew we couldn’t do anything too risqué because zoom monitors for adult content (luckily a lot of SM isn’t “traditional sex” so it scrapes by the respectability algorithms). As the point of a fundraiser is to get as muc...

Where I’m from the word home is pronounced funny. The great Philadelphian-English dialect, as with many other words, turns it into a kind of open-jawed grunt. Anytime someone asks me what the accent is like, I return to this word, home, time and time again to give my best example. There are so many words that are pronounced differently in Philly that I could use instead like towel (tail), bagel (b...

cw: needles, blood, ingesting blood Most of the world spells Sex P in V , parts rubbing together for the purpose of, biologically speaking, creating the miracle of life. If we’re talking dirty, like Genesis 1:28, God mandated that we “be fruitful, and multiply.” This is why I said I lost my unholy virginity to the boy on the patio swing when I was 18 and not to the boy in the basement bathroom whe...

The following is my speech for indoctrination into my cult, so let me know if you want in :)  I’ve written about imagination several times before as it relates to queerness, leather, and gender. In being forced off the hamster wheel of overly busy New York City life, I’ve been thinking a ton more intentionally about imagination. Adults notoriously suck at imagination. Year after year the grind of...

I’ve been saying for years that Gossip Saves Lives. I’ve already designed the t-shirt in my head—red bubbly script on a white shirt—wearing my heart on my sleeve. It’s the hyperbole that makes it funny. The words have jokingly left my lips after countless invigorating gossip sessions. The thing is that I am actually dead fucking serious. When I say gossip, you most likely conjure up negative assoc...

The three most controversial books among queer community are The Argonauts, Pleasure Activism, and Conflict Is Not Abuse. In case you’re new here, I’d like to make my position on these polarizing books very clear—CINA is required reading for me while the other two have big pink pussy hat energy. Extensive google searches and scouring Goodreads shows that the two books I hated have basically only r...

Like millions of other people, I recently lost my (vanilla corporate) job. My position was moved to part-time a few months ago and then eventually eliminated. Let’s be real though—it has been increasingly hard to exist in a corporate environment being the person that I am. Pretending to care about a career and have goals of labor when your job is to directly increase the profits of a billion dolla...

CW: sexual violence, patriarchy play, mention of tenderqueers My first tarot deck was gifted to me by an old friend L, who was very serious about the superstition that you had to be gifted your first tarot deck. The gift came with a certificate to call on M, someone I had never met, for a lesson in how to read the cards. As an introvert, the idea of meeting someone I didn’t know at all made me anx...

Before you read or listen: Have you donated to GLITS yet? They are trying to secure the funds to purchase property in NYC to serve as a sanctuary for trans women. Please click here and send them some money!!  Listen to the audio above, or read below! I want to talk about respectability. What does it mean that a person is deserving of respect? What is at risk when we can’t fit the mold? What does r...