Cussler Hustlers

KOREANS! Sorry, sorry! It's just so exciting to finally know which country we're supposed to be angry at. Speaking as a doctor, of course. Loren goes for a jog. Dirk gets out-manned. Sandecker feeds his ulcer. Sukarov does some elementary school science. The President is in some kind of tube. LASERS!

It's a Cussler Hustlers first, folks! Your hosts Topper and Nancy made friends with another real-life podcast, The Escapist Room! They're a brother and sister podcast who review the cheesy movies of their childhoods and the modern movies that give them that same feeling. Since they do MOVIES and we do BOOKS, we're doing TWO CROSSOVERS, the first of which is THIS ONE RIGHT HERE! All fou...

RUSSIANS! Sorry, sorry! Diving into Part 2 of Deep Six , and it mostly seems like spies spying, backstabbers backstabbing, and five or six different groups that have no idea what's going on. There's a lot of Oval Office shenanigans, KGB shenanigans, Korean shipping shenanigans, and I don't think Dirk is even IN this episode. Refreshing!

In case you can't spare the 59 seconds: there is no new episode of Cussler Hustlers this week, as cohost Topper is travelling and away from his computer. We have two episodes in the can yet to be edited, and a third episode co-produced with another podcast, so there's still plenty of goodness to come! In the meantime, can I recommend catching up on The Magnus Protocol , Kill James Bond! or...

ASIANS! Sorry, sorry! We're covering Part 1 of Deep Six and... well... ASIANS! Also Russians, because we haven't seen them for a while! Pitt is dragged in several different directions at once, and half of the book is completely unrelated. Apocalyptic nerve toxin? Check! Live volcanoes? Check! Sexy bank robberies? Check! Sexy EPA administrators? Check! Something weird happens to the Preside...

What a rush! Pitt talks himself into a suicide mission, and helpfully brings along twenty other men. He crashes a plane, gets sucked underwater, blown up with a nuke, and still manages to get in some top-notch monologuing. Which body part will Al Giordino miss the most? Why is Dirk glowing? Is Smurfette Syndrome real? Find out this, and less, on the climactic episode of Pacific Vortex!

The action really picks up, and by that, I mean Dirk walks himself and a sizable chunk of the Navy into a trap! Then another trap. Then another trap. THEN ANOTHER-... look, just listen to the episode. It won't make more sense, but at least we can try to figure it out together. Also, Nancy brags about all her celebrity encounters, while Topper tries to keep from swelling with patriotic mucus. T...

It's time for a special mid-week PITT STOP! Nancy has managed to con world-famous comedian and magician Harrison Greenbaum onto our show! Fresh from Last Comic Standing, Conan, and more than SIX HUNDRED shows with Cirque Du Soleil in Las Vegas, he's taking a breather with the Cussler Hustlers before opening his Off-Broadway Show, "What Just Happened?" Coincidentally, that's w...

We're back! It's time to blaze through a book that has no time for dilly-dallying. Pitt finds a capsule and then nearly dies several times before thinking "Hmmm, there might be something going on here." Who is the sexiest woman in the Pittverse? Who is the most dangerous woman in the Pittverse? Might they be the same person?! ONLY TIME WILL TELL! Also, speedos.

PITT STOP #2 brings us teen heartthrob Peter Falk and the inimitable, world-famous, culture-defining Lieutenant Columbo. Nancy's Secret Boyfriend had a career spanning five decades of bringing down rich evildoers (so, of course, you know it's a work of fiction). Born the same year as Don Pendleton, which just goes to show you really could do anything you want back then, as long as you didn...

Our first PITT STOP episode is about the progenitor to Dirk Pitt, the divergent ancestor of Rambo, the grandfather of The Punisher, and one of the most-read Men's Novel series in history: Don Pendleton's MACK BOLAN . This tall, dark-haired, leathery-skinned, absurdly-skilled ex-military man who spends six hundred books killing everyone who dares threaten America. At leask Dirk has the good...

We did it! We made it! THE END OF NIGHT PROBE! Clive is making up for lost time with a finale that kills half the named characters and two-thirds of the NPCs. Dirk commits several acts of international terrorism, which is what heroes do. Heidi gets her happy ending. The world finally figures out what to do with Canada, and absolutely no copyright laws are violated. Twitter: ⁠ https://www.twitter.c...

Pitt finishes killing everyone around him in Canadian waters, so he heads back to New York to kill some Yankees. More drunk, hairless sex. More side quests into weird history. A ghost attack and an impromptu bout of dinner theatre gives Dirk his final epiphany. Men would rather destroy democracy than go to therapy.

Things are happening fast and furious now.... though since it's in Canada, we're still polite and travelling at a sensible speed. The NUMA team makes a lot of progress on the Empress of Ireland, until it blows up and everyone dies. Brian Shaw regrets working with Foss Gly, until he blows up and everyone dies. Honestly, Dirk Pitt should come with hazard labels. Also, Heidi makes coffee. Joi...

The book is moving fast and furious now! Dirk beats up a high-ranking politician. Heidi has buyer's remorse. Robot suits fight underwater zombies. Giordino fights a ghost train. Brian Shaw is an anti-masker. Clive gets real thirsty about some boats, trains and automobiles. Perhaps most important, BOTH OUR MICROPHONES WORK PROPERLY! Hallelujah! Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/CusslerHustlers I...

MORE politics! MORE murder! MORE inappropriate sexytimes! Now with 90% less Dirk! North America is coming apart at the seams, and two extremely hairless men are doing everything they can to make things worse. However, it is the opinion of this show that if this book needs anything, it's more Foss Gly.

It's doodlebug shenanigans time! Dirk taunts a hostile military superpower and gets his butt torpedoed, Sandecker extols the health virtues of smoking, Giordino mourns his heterosexual lifemate's passing, and then Quebec becomes even more powerful than you could possibly imagine. It just like me, fr fr. Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/CusslerHustlers Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/C...

Due to continued problems with both microphones and brains, this is a slightly shorter episode. Everyone's playing silly buggers, the oil crisis gets worse, Canada is coming apart at the seams... so one of our villains decides to poke the biggest god damn schoolyard bully on the planet. I'm sure things will go well for him! Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/CusslerHustlers Instagram: https:...

Retired spies. Abusive archivists. Double agents. A squash game that might lead to armageddon. Clive is putting a LOT of pieces into play here, so much so that you might forget Canada even exists, all tucked away down there. Heidi gets some Top Secret Dirking, and then asks him for help with her homework. https://www.instagram.com/CusslerHustlers

We're back, and we're starting a new Dirk Pitt novel, so you know what that means: time to talk about Amazon's Reacher ! Which cohost has been held up at gunpoint? Which cohost hallucinates the weather? Which of the 17 named characters in the book's introduction are actually relevant? Find out all this, and less, on Cussler Hustlers!

In the thrilling, gripping finale to this tale of false-flag international apocalyptic bioterrorism, Dirk gets ANOTHER concussion and wakes up just in time to remember that the hero is supposed to win. We introduce a couple new characters, get confused by the laws of thermodynamics, and almost cure racism! Additional News: Due to extreme weather and travel schedules, we might be going back to rele...

Dirk wraps up his sexy, scandalous sex scandal just in time to get dumped, and he does the only sane thing: attacks a battleship with his face. Men would literally rather fight international terrorism with a concussion than go to therapy.

Things are picking up speed! Dirty pictures are revealed. Revolutionary armies are destroyed. Battleships are renovated. Several people are shot. Cheese is eaten. It's everything you want in a holiday blockbuster! Topper still has Covid, Nancy apologizes to Ving Rhames from the bottom of her heart, and the new microphone is probably going to get the boot. Happy New Year!   Twitter: https://twi...

We picked a good time to slow down our production schedule, since the Topper household is all dying of the 'rona. In spite of all that, we muddle through Dirk discovering that he accidentally uncovered some doomsday weapons, the NSA admitting to planning for race-based doomsday scenarios, and then a quick break for some wild tiger sex in a completely not-suspicious shag pad. Dirk has needs, y&...

A shorter episode this week, due to real life being VERY rude to our stupid little podcast. Someone gets stabbed in the head with an icepick, but fortunately that's barely even a flesh wound. Someone starts digging for a sex scandal, but fortunately no-one minds in the 80s. Some knows what's stored on the Vixen-03, but fortunately he's not concerned about it despite it being THE END OF...