Critical Mess Podcast

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals. Home Alone 2 is a family comedy from 1992 about 10-year-old Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) and his unadulterated, violent rampage through New York City. While framed as the protagonist, it’s hard to argue Kevin is not the antagonist, as he steals, manipulates, and maims his way toward whatever he desires. This mostly translates to eating ice cream, inflict...

He’s like Spiderman’s older, cooler brother who dabbles in meth. Venom is a superhero film from 2018 about Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy) and his relationship with a capricious, head-biting alien symbiote. His girlfriend, Anne, is played by Michelle Williams, who’s usually in classier films. Carlton Drake, the bad guy, is played by Riz Ahmed, who we can all agree has a dope first name. So far as the film...

For all this movie’s uncomfortable moments, nothing outdoes “drunk on baby smell.”   It Ends with Us  is a romantic drama about Lily Bloom (Blake Lively) and her quest to cope with and ultimately escape the cycle of domestic abuse. Which doesn’t really seem like entertainment—or romantic for that matter—but we’ve been told this movie is allegedly both of these things. Ryle Kincaid (Justin Baldoni)...

Starring Dennis Quaid as Ronald Reagan as Jesus Christ.   Because the 2024 presidential election is happening today, the boys at the Critical Mess Movie Podcast thought it was appropriate to talk about  Reagan , the 2024 biopic starring Dennis Quaid in the titular role along with a supporting cast of Scott Stapp and Kevin Sorbo.   Reagan  isn’t a story about Republicans versus Democrats. It’s the...

That’s one freaky hex tape!    Welcome to the Critical Mess Movie Podcast, episode 43. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2002’s  The Ring , starring Naomi Watts, Brian Cox, Martin Henderson, David Dorfman, and Daveigh Chase. This film was directed by Gore Verbinski.    The Ring  tells the story of Rachel Keller (Naomi Watts), who finds a cursed VHS tape that allegedly kills you seven days...

A friendly, casual film about puzzles!     Welcome to the Critical Mess Podcast, episode 42. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2004’s  Saw , starring Cary Elwes, Leigh Whannell, Danny Glover, Shawnee Smith, Tobin Bell, and Michael Emerson. This film was directed by James Wan.    Saw  tells the story of Adam (Leigh Whannell) and Lawrence (Cary Elwes) who awaken chained up in a dirty bathro...

We’ll watch anything with Trip McNeely.    Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 41. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 1997’s  Scream 2 , starring Trip McNeely, Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, David Arquette, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Timothy Olyphant, Jamie Kennedy, and Liev Schreiber.    Scream 2  tells the story of Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) as she goes off to college in Ohio where she’s ag...

SAY I’M A BIRD. SAY IT. SAY I’M A DIRTY BIRD.  Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 40. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2004’s  The Notebook , starring Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, James Garner, Gena Rowlands, James Marsden, and Kevin Connolly. This film was directed by Nick Cassavetes.    The Notebook  tells the story of Noah (Ryan Gosling) and Allie (Rachel McAdams) and how they fell in...

Is anyone more OG edgelord than Sebastian? Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 39. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 1999’s Cruel Intentions, starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, Reese Witherspoon, and Selma Blair. Cruel Intentions tells the story of Sebastian Valmont (Ryan Phillippe) and Kathryn Merteuil (Sarah Michelle Gellar) as these two teenage step siblings terrorize friend...

Spider sh*t.    Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 38. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2024’s  Madame Web , starring Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O’Connor, Mike Epps, and Adam Scott.    Madame Web  is a “movie” that tells the story of Casandra Webb (Dakota Johnson), a superhero that’s part of the Spiderman multiverse. Nothing really happens in this movie, aside...

(Haiku) It’s cool that McClane  Enjoys eating aspirins  Like they’re M&M’s    Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 37. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 1995’s  Die Hard With a Vengeance , starring Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, and Jeremy Irons. This film was directed by John McTiernan.    Die Hard With a Vengeance  is the third movie in the  Die Hard  franchise, and tells the story o...

We don’t care about kissin’.   Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 36. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are discussing 2001’s  Wet Hot American Summer , starring every comedian ever. Some of those people include: Paul Rudd, Janeane Garofalo, David Hyde Pierce, Molly Shannon, Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black, Amy Poehler, Michael Showalter, H. Jon Benjamin, Bradley Cooper, and more.    Wet Hot American Su...

Goose got cooked :(   Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 35. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 1986’s  Top Gun , starring Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, Kelly McGillis, Anthony Edwards, and Tom Skerrit. This film was directed by Tony Scott.    Top Gun  is the story of Maverick (Tom Cruise), a rogue pilot enrolled in the world’s top jet fighter training program. Along with his wingman, Goose (Anth...

Listen in as we discuss the dirtiest sex scene in cinema history.   Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 34. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2001’s  Enemy at the Gates , starring Jude Law, Ed Harris, Rachel Weisz, Joseph Fiennes, Bob Hoskins, and Ron Pearlman. This film was directed by Jean-Jacques Annaud.   Enemy at the Gates  is based on the true story of Vassili Zaitsev (Jude Law), a Ru...

It's a strong premise: Two hotties refuse to do it.    Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 33. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2023’s  Anyone But You , starring Sydney Sweeny, Glen Powell, Charlee Fraser, Darren Barnet, Alexandra Shipp, Dermot Mulroney, and more. It was directed by Will Gluck.    Anyone But You  tells the story of Beatrice (Sydney Sweeny) and Ben (Glen Powell), two je...

The real joke is Adam Sandler didn’t get nominated for an Oscar. Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 32. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2019’s Uncut Gems starring Adam Sandler, LaKeith Stanfield, Julia Fox, Kevin Garnett, Idina Menzel, and Eric Bogosian. This film was directed by the Safdie brothers. Uncut Gems is a crime thriller all about jewelry store owner and hopeless gambling addic...

A timeless tale of a boy and his pet nose clams.  Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 31. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian discuss 2001’s  Blow  starring Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Franka Potente, Jordi Molla, Paul Reubens, Rachel Griffiths, and Ray Liotta. It was directed by Ted Demme.     Blow  is a crime/drama based on the life of drug dealer George Jung (Johnny Depp) documenting his rise as a pro...

Alternate title:  Boobs, Butts, and the Coolest Guy Around .   Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 30. On this episode, Nick, Gris, and Brian discuss 1989’s  Road House  starring Patrick Swayze, Sam Elliot, Kelly Lynch, Ben Gazzara, and more. It was directed by Rowdy Harrington.    Road House  is an Action/Drama about one man’s mission to clean up a rowdy bar named the Double Deuce. Dalton (Patrick...

He already has a T-Rex skull. Now he wants the Declaration of Independence. Where does Nick Cage get off?    Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 29. On this episode, Nick, Gris, and Brian discuss 2004’s  National Treasure  starring Nicholas Cage, Dianne Kruger, Sean Bean, Hervey Keitel, and more. It was directed by Jon Turteltaub.    National Treasure  is an action/thriller about two competing teams...

Nobody plays the butt bongo quite like Bernstein. Welcome to the Critical Mess Podcast, episode 28. On this episode, Nick, Gris, Brian, and special guest Genavieve discuss  Maestro , the best-picture-nominated biopic about Leonard Bernstein. This film stars Bradley Cooper, Carey Mulligan, Matt Bomer, Maya Hawke, Sarah Silverman, and more. It was directed by Bradley Cooper.    Maestro  is all about...

Be sure to order your Creasy Pita with extra tzatziki. It’s spicy! Welcome to the Critical Mess Podcast, episode 27. On this episode, Nick, Gris, and Brian discuss  Man on Fire —an action/thriller from 2004 starring Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, Christopher Walken, Giancarlo Giannini, Mickey Rourke, Rachel Ticotin, Marc Anthony, and more. This film was directed by Tony Scott.    Man on Fire ...

This film harkens back to a simpler time. One when it was socially acceptable to speak with your neighbors. Welcome to the Critical Mess Podcast, episode 26. On this episode, Nick, Gris, and Brian discuss The ‘Burbs—a comedy from 1989 starring Tom Hanks, Carrie Fisher, Bruce Dern, Corey Feldman, and Henry Gibson. This film was directed by Joe Dante.  The ‘Burbs tells the story of Ray Peterson (Tom...

Kris Kristofferson smoking a dart whilst spilling gas all over a ‘68 Charger is the coolest thing that’s ever happened.

Executive producers: Barack and Michelle Obama. Gaffer: Joe Biden.

(Haiku) A grown man named Mutt. Sword fighting, straddling two Jeeps. Shrubs pummel his junk.