Conversations from the Heart

This week's episode explores themes of belonging, and the human need we all share for community. We explore: 1:59  I don't feel like I belong anywhere 5:50  Rising into grandiosity or sinking into shame 7:19  Belonging to Yourself 12:05  The role of reverence 14:03  How do I handle passive aggressive comments? 25:20  We're either repeating or transforming a dynamic 26:43  Make the i...

This week's episode is an investigation into working things through in relationship:  with our extended family, our mothers, our daughters, and ourselves. We explore: 1:18  The dynamics I see in my nieces and nephews repeat the dynamics between my siblings and I get triggered.  How can I help myself and them? 4:12  How to ground observations in micro moments 13:11  I wanted care and I didn&ap...

This week's caller is looking for scripts that can help her call out some discriminatory dynamics at work.  She asks:  "I am facing new challenges in my work environment. More specifically, I am noticing weird racial dynamics ( for example, staff of colour all scheduled for night shift, and day shift exclusively (no exceptions) staffed by white staff. I have also heard rumours of ‘racial...

It's a common - if painful - dynamic:  we want to share our pain with another in the hopes of receiving empathy, but their best move is to try and fix our pain by finding fault with something we've said or done. It is so hurtful to be blamed for our own pain.   In this week's episode, a caller asks a universally applicable question:  "What can I do when I share my pain with my...

It can be so difficult to know what to say next.  Whether you need to have a personal or professional conversation, sometimes finding the words are hard. In this week's podcast, we script out four different conversations for four different scenarios.  We discuss: 1:06  "Please tell me you love me, dad." 8:54  "I'm sorry, but you're fired." 15:47  "I want to...

What do you do when you discover that a friend or loved one sees something in a polar opposite way to how you're seeing it?   Are you able to stay in a place of grounded, open curiosity, or do you find yourself getting worked up and activated, wanting to change their minds?  It can be very challenging to connect with loved ones when our belief systems don't match, or when our worldviews...

As we run through our everyday lives, we'll inevitably bump up against other humans who might be less resourced than we are.   Catching others as they're having a bad day can provide us stellar opportunities to increase our own empathy, and we don't even have to say a word. On this week's episode, we delve into ways to manage our own nervous systems amidst the triggered nervous...

Do you ever worry that empathy is getting in the way?   In this week's episode, one caller worried that empathizing with his mother in law's fear of having cancer was actually making her anxiety worse, and not better.   On this call one of the things we discuss is anxiety, and some of the tips we can use when trying to empathize with someone who's feeling anxious. 1:51  My friend is...

It's only human to want the traditional NVC formula to solve all our connection problems. However, what the traditional observation, feelings, needs and request paradigm often does best is help us sort our own stuff out internally, first.  After we use it to get our own stuff straight, then we can experiment with the best way to connect with those around us. Want to experience this with a rea...

Do you find yourself plotting out how you're going to respond to someone even while they're still talking to you? We all do this. And it never works well.  Not for any of us. Upleveling our listening skills is one of the most important upgrades we can make for our relationships.   Today's episode is rich with ideas of where to focus during a conversation in order to create an experi...

In this week's mini-episode, we delve into the needs that can be met when our family steps up to contribute to our lives in meaningful, important ways, and the loneliness and grief that can occur when they are no longer willing to help. We discover: 2:53  My brother-in-law doesn't want to help me anymore and my feelings are hurt 7:30  A script for checking things out  11:27  Ways to hono...

Having good boundaries is not the same as being violent, and enforcing rules is not coercion. In this week's episode, we unpack a professor's desire to limit coercion and violence in her classroom and her desire to create a tight container that supports and respects participant sharing. We consider: 2:52  Can mandatory attendance be in line with nonviolence? 10:52  How can I create a tig...

It can be hard to enjoy work f you're in a power up/power down situation with a boss who consistently criticizes you. It is especially challenging if you don't trust the perspective that your supervisor has. In today's mini-episode, we discuss strategies for handling criticism at work in ways that build understanding and reduce tension.   Although a clean and tidy resolution may not...

High self-esteem is important because it influences how individuals perceive themselves, interact with others, and navigate the world around them.  By fostering healthy self-esteem, individuals can cultivate resilience, confidence, and well-being, laying the foundation for a fulfilling and satisfying life. When our self-esteem is lower than we'd like, there's one fool-proof way to bolste...

It can be really valuable to talk about the difference between anger and aggression. Although aggression can't exist outside of violence, anger can. This week's podcast discusses some of the wisdom that can present itself alongside anger, such as clarity surrounding needs, understanding regarding self-worth, insight around boundaries, and awareness concerning relational patterns. Interes...

These days, it can be so difficult to discuss politics and religion. Often, people tell me they just avoid those conversations.  And honestly, I get it. However, if we're invested in co-creating a relationship with someone we care about, exploring places where we hold different opinions and beliefs can be exactly the place where we build intimacy. Looking for a roadmap on how to have conversa...

This week's episode focuses on how to navigate complex family dynamics - especially when what has previously worked is no longer sustainable. A common theme on this week's podcast is the importance of checking for alignment.  If we're aligned in our needs and our wishes, then designing strategies to meet our goals is easier. In question number one, a caller is rediscovering his sens...

"Venting" often gets a bad rap. Even though many people see "venting" as an inherently negative thing, knowing how to vent effectively can actually be an effective way of reclaiming and reconnecting with yourself.   Sometimes, venting is just a pathway to something deeper, and we understand it as a step on our awareness journey. Other times, we just want to process our experien...

One of the things that can trip us up on our personal growth journey is to force the process before we're ready. I can think of so many times when I've been longing to master a skill that I was still practicing, and then criticizing myself for where I was at in the process. In this week's episode, we discover that the remedy for conditioning that inhibits us and the judgment that co...

Today's conversation dives into the critical role of trust and communication in professional and personal relationships.  Some of the questions we answer this week include:  How do I handle having trust issues with my realtor? (0:58) How do I get my partner into therapy? (17:41)  How do I decide whether or not to take a job opportunity that would keep me away from home? (34:37)  For ongoing p...

There's a big difference between feeling hurt and being harmed. In this week's episode I start with a few recent realizations from my own life regarding hurt and harm, and then we move into the following questions: How do I respond to someone accusing me of gaslighting when the person remembers a situation differently from me?  (8:40)  How do I talk about something painful and convey wha...

Have you ever felt like you're walking on eggshells during family gatherings or struggling with setting boundaries in relationships? Today's episode explores the nuances involved when we want get our needs met in a way that works for both people.   You'll get practical strategies for protecting your personal space during stressful times and scripts to help you navigate the choppy wa...

Empathy is a vital tool in our communication arsenal, allowing us to connect profoundly with others. It’s not merely about sympathizing with someone's situation but genuinely stepping into their shoes, understanding their emotions, and reflecting that understanding back to them. However, empathy alone isn't always enough, especially when faced with challenging dialogues that require us t...

In this episode, the conversation is about the emotional rollercoaster of family estrangement,  examining the layers of apologies and the fears around intimacy. We explore the deep need for understanding and validation, particularly through the act of apology, which is dissected as more than a mere admission of fault but rather as an expression of empathy and a stepping stone toward healing. We to...

In this conversation, we dive into the complexities of setting boundaries in the workplace and personal life. The ability to create a healthy space for oneself is not just about keeping others at bay but about nurturing interpersonal connections that are both compassionate and clear. The dance between personal limits and empathetic responses to others is delicate but crucial for fostering growth a...