Conflict Decoded Podcast

Have you ever felt trapped as a white person, trying to figure out how to respond to a racist remark when people of color are in the room? On one hand, silence is violence. You have a responsibility to speak up. On the other hand, white people have a responsibility to amplify the leadership of people of color. You might worry about being condescending, seeming performative, stepping on toes, or sa...

Impact. Culture. Money. These are the three corners of what my guest this week, Isabelle Moses, calls the Triangle of Tension. If you are grappling with whether to prioritize purpose, wellbeing, or financial stability — whether in your personal life or your organization — you're probably familiar with this tension, even if you've never named it this way. Impact is what you do and why you do it. Mi...

Have you ever stayed silent to protect your funding? Have you ever watched your organization soften its language, avoid a difficult conversation, or stand down from a fight it knew it should take on — because the cost of speaking up felt too high? If so, you're not alone. In his Letter from a Birmingham Jail, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. named this dynamic, which many now call white moderation. He...

In his book Remapping Your Mind, Dr. Mehl-Madrona writes that the closest word to the English word self in the Lakota language is nagi, meaning the swarm of all the stories that make us who we are. Our interpretation of reality shapes our experience of reality. We become the stories that we tell ourselves. We, humans, need stories like we need food. But some stories nourish us more than others. If...

Resonance is what happens when Person A brings their caring, curious attention to Person B in an attempt to truly understand them, and Person B responds with—Yes, that's it! You get me! In this week’s episode, I explore how resonance changes the brain and contributes to better communication and decision-making, and how to listen to people so they really feel heard. If you’re longing for a deeper c...

If you develop side-eyed skepticism when you hear people talking about listening to their bodies, you’re not alone. Research shows that most people don’t believe that knowing what we feel makes any difference at all. In today’s podcast episode—Why It's Important to Name Emotions, Even If You Don't Believe it—I’ll present to you four arguments for why noticing and naming what we feel in our bodies...

I invite you to recall an interaction you’ve had—either recently or farther in the past—where you came out wishing things had gone differently. Now, imagine what you might have done before you entered the interaction that could have helped it get off to a better start and end in a better place. This week, I’ll explore 10 factors that I’ve wished I’d considered before heading into difficult interac...

Over the past thirteen years of coaching my clients, I’ve discovered one simple practice that consistently helps my clients lovingly move less-than-helpful parts take a backseat, reclaim the wheel of their lives, and engage challenging interpersonal dynamics effectively. I return to this practice whenever I need to prepare for a challenging conversation. I call it the Discernment Pause. In today’s...

When clients first come to me, they often say they want to break a bad habit or develop the discipline to stop reacting in certain ways. But discipline means punishment for the sake of correction, and trying to force, control, and self-dominate ourselves into change rarely works. When we understand where our habitual reactions arise from and develop awareness of what’s happening in our bodies, it...

Friendship. It’s one of the most important ingredients of a well-lived life. And yet, real friendship in which we can show up as and share care for our full, authentic selves, can be so hard to find—and so hard to maintain—in these times. Especially interracially, especially between white women and black women. That’s why I was so excited that my guests this week, Tanisha Arena and JAC Patrissi ag...

When we look at the state of waning democracy and rising authoritarianism in the US, it can be so hard to know what to do. Because our power to impact national policy is so limited, for many of us, it can feel like our hands are tied. Yes, we can attend rallies, boycott companies that support authoritarianism, and vote in local elections. But these actions can feel small compared to the federal go...

If you ever feel overwhelmed by everything you read online, torn between wanting to keep up with what’s happening and wanting to protect your peace, or struggling in your relationship with online information in another way, my conversation with Danielle Reiff is for you. Danielle and I talk about: How to interact with online information in ways that diffuse rather than inflame conflict. How we can...

If we are to have any chance of bringing forth a world in which all people have the power necessary to meet their needs, we must develop the governance structures necessary to wield our power effectively. In this episode, I speak with Ted Rau, co-founder of Sociocracy for All, about ways to govern our groups and organizations that empower people to work together well. We talk about: Why majority r...

In this weeks episode of Conflict Decoded, I share: One reason we often get stuck focusing on what doesn’t work, How focusing on what’s good increases effectiveness, Step-by-step instructions for facilitating Appreciative Interviews, and 2 quick questions to start team meetings with immediate connection. If you long for your team to experience greater cohesion, joy, and resilience in these times,...

Do you have family or friends in the religious right or with vastly different political views than you? Knowing how to disagree with people you love is crucial in these situations. If so, this one is for you. About Sara: For the first four decades of her life, Sara was a devout Mormon. Then, a series of realizations called her to change course. Since then, Sara has helped thousands of high-achievi...

Research shows that the highest-performing teams give each other about five positive comments for every one negative comment. And yet, when things are uncertain, the stakes are high, and we feel frustrated by others' actions, it can be challenging to focus on what’s good. This week, Lana Jelenjev and I discuss how to restore this balance. We explore: Why focusing on appreciation is so challenging,...

We often blame ourselves for the tensions of modernity. But we can become much more effective—and feel better—when we focus on the root causes of our problems. In this week’s episode of Conflict Decoded, I talk with @Donnie Maclurcan, Co-Founder and Director of Strategy at the Post-Growth Institute. We explore: The difference between capitalist and post-capitalist economies (which will likely surp...

If we are to reclaim collective power, redistribute it equitably, and cultivate the multiracial multicultural democracies we long for. We must develop the ability to read power in our institutions and our lives. We must become power literate. In this week’s episode of Conflict Decoded, I talk with the brilliant Karla Monterroso about what power actually is. How the internet and demographic shift a...

We are currently in a collective battle of the imagination. While the power of the 99% may be limited. We grow our power when we reclaim our ability to imagine from dominant narratives. As Desiree Adaway shares in this episode, imagining the world we long for is one of the most powerful and radical acts there is. Even if we do not live to see the fruits of our imagination, the billionaire class do...

The daughter of Vanessa Andreotti (author of Hospicing Modernity: Facing Humanity’s Wrongs and The Implications for Social Activism). Giovanna de Oliveira Andreotti grew up facing the ongoing predicament of collapse. In this episode, Giovanna shares how facing the reality of collapse no longer destabilizes her. Instead, the wisdom she’s gleaned—and her commitment to inquiry—are helping her to ackn...

Heather Plett—facilitator, trainer, and author known globally for her work in holding space—and Katherine explore how activists often get sucked into the victim - rescuer - perpetrator vortex. They also discuss how to break free from it. This model supported Katherine, Heather, and many others to shift from white saviorism to a posture of more true solidarity. Bio: Heather Plett, is the author of...

Shiree Teng—community organizer, storyteller, and healer. She believes that love and courage will lead the way towards our collective liberation. Shiree speaks with Katherine about how to center radical love in our work for change. With a mixture of grace and conviction, Shiree offers guidance for how to align your life with your truth and a fierce love for yourself and others. Without cultivating...

If we are to survive the current and looming environmental and economic emergencies and grow communities in which we thrive, we need to be able to relate and work together across difference. In this episode, Carmen Spagnola teaches the building blocks for cultivating secure attachment—the ability to help ourselves and others feel safe, seen, secure, and soothed—even with people we’re most challeng...

We have good reason to feel scared about what’s happening nationally and globally. And yet, as Sulma Arias, Executive Director of Peoples’ Action, reminds us in this week’s podcast, there are so many incredible opportunities for change in our own local communities. Whether it’s removing lead from the school playground or installing a stop sign where the kids are playing, we often have the most pow...

In part two of our conversation with Francesca Mason-Boring, we explore how to help well and shore ourselves up for the work of social justice. We discuss how to release demonizing and patronizing ways of seeing each other. And approach our work from a strong, clear place, disentangled from the traumas of the past. This podcast is part two to a two-part episode. In Part One, Francesca introduced f...