Confessions of a Parent Coach

Do you remember when things changed in your home from "baby is boss" to "The grownups lead the way"? I have a very specific memory of the exact moment this happened in my life with my oldest child and this week on the podcast I'll share it with you, and talk about this paradigm shift that is fundamental in setting up healthy parent-child dynamics. It's a shift that happens only partially or doesn'...

It's not working! I hear something like this from clients every week. When we're trying something new, we want results quickly to confirm that what we're doing is working, right? But, sometimes looking for that result is the very thing stopping our efforts from "working"! When we don't see the outcome we want quickly enough, we can end up pivoting too soon, making knee-jerk changes without thought...

No resolutions for me this year, thanks. Are resolutions the healthiest, most life-affirming way for us to pursue growth? Maybe for some, but for many of us they are either unnecessary or painful. Why not explore the ideas of intention, attraction, and openness instead? Listen to this week's episode to learn more about the difference between resolution and intention, to hear a few examples of what...

Stillness. The winter solstice happened a few days ago, and in this week's episode of the podcast, I'm inviting you to do something about that...or actually, I'm inviting you to do nothing about it. Listen to the episode to explore the ideas of reflection, rest, warmth, nourishment, light, love, and celebration that this time of year offers. I hope your Winter season includes all of these things,...

The reasons we avoid stuff that would make life better... We all have them. We can tell we're stuck in a rut or that the way we're showing up is problematic. We even have some ideas for what we could do to improve things, but our brains come up with a million reasons not to do them. The most common response I get when these opportunities to try something different: "I can't. I don't have time. I'm...

Have you ever received a compliment but still didn't believe it on the inside? Same. The truth is that external praise can't really change the way we feel about ourselves. So why do we keep using it to improve our kids' disposition, self-esteem, or confidence? When our kid puts themself down, it makes perfect sense that our instinct is to leap in and replace the negative with positive. "You're not...

Parts beget parts. Self begets Self. This is a common expression you might overhear in circles of Internal Family Systems practitioners. Essentially, we're saying that when we take time to connect with our True Selves, two things happen: we're more likely to engage in life from our True Self, and we're more likely to receive the True Self of the people we're interacting with. (Self begets Self). A...

Tis the season...to nag our kids about gratitude nonstop. It's Thanksgiving time, and that means lots of kids will be the beneficiaries of even more generosity than usual and will be expected to be grateful for their blessings. Remember when we were kids, and our parents nagged us about saying 'thank you' or writing thank-you notes, or told us stories about how good we had it compared to others? H...

Why are some kids at their worst when they're with their parents? You may have heard it's because they are comfortable letting it all hang out when they're with their parents, which is a piece of the puzzle, but far from the whole story. The bottom line is that kids (and all humans) crave energy, intensity, attention, and interaction from the people around them, and when kids get that negatively (...

Have you ever done the "right thing" even though it felt like torture? Of course! We've all been in countless situations where we knew what we should do, and we were able to make ourselves do it, but it sucked. Telling the truth when it would have been easier to lie, staying calm with our kiddo when, inside, we are seething, holding a boundary when we wish we could just cave... It's so normal! But...

How much of good parenting is actually doing stuff? The answer is almost none. A beautiful conversation started with a client a few months ago and has continued to unfold for me in various spaces. This week on the podcast I share it with you. Listen to the episode to hear two stories that demonstrate that: If we put our focus on our way of being - elevating our consciousness and addressing the int...

But how do you really DO this IFS stuff? I just came back from facilitating the October retreats with incredible women surrounded by gorgeous Fall colors and beautiful growth moments. Internal Family Systems (IFS) was a big focus of our work this year, and we discovered quickly that we could spend a whole morning learning and discussing IFS without ever actually DOING any of it! A quick pivot help...

Blame v responsibility | When something goes wrong, is your first reaction to figure out what caused it and who's to blame? If you said yes, you are in very good company. It is the most common reaction to anything in our lives, even the good stuff! Who gets the blame? Who gets credit? And our minds tend to equate blame with responsibility. Makes sense, right? If you break something of mine, you sh...

What even is the ego? If you've listened to even one of my podcast episodes, you've heard me use the E word thousands of times 😝 But what does it mean? Usually, an official definition only confuses us even more: "the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity." (Only moderately helpful, in my opi...

What am I supposed to DO with the Enneagram? Last week, you heard me discuss the levels of development and integration that exist within the Enneagram. The most common question I get after teaching these concepts is, So what? What am I supposed to do about it? It's really helpful to see that we struggle with certain personality constraints, or that we are hanging out in the less healthy range of i...

How developed or evolved do you think you are? One of the reasons why I love the Enneagram is because it is so helpful not just in pegging personality type, but also facilitating our growth and development. In fact, when you think not just about the nine types of the 'gram, but the six combinations of our primal instincts we could have, the two wings we could have flavirong out Type, and the level...

How come my clients tend to be a bit older? Since tons of people have kids in their 20s, it might seem strange to hear that I don't have a lot of clients in that age range. Maybe you're thinking it's because they can't afford me, but that's not it! 😜 (I actually have lots of ways for people to work with me for free or very low cost) The real reason has to do with what is happening internally for...

(The short answer is yes, btw) Codependency is a buzzword on steroids these days! And if you get down to it, pretty much every self-help and pop psychology thing out there is really getting at this same topic, whether it's encouraging us to "Let Them" or "not give a F-k". It's all about how codependent we are. This week's episode of the podcast breaks down what codependency is, provides examples o...

Why do you treat me like this? This week's episode of the podcast was inspired by a client of mine who asked this exact question to his teenage son a while back. Like every relationship, there is so much at play here, but what I hone in on in today's episode is the answer to that specific question! Why do we receive the treatment we do from the people in our lives? The Short and snarky answer is:...

When was the last time you were bad at something? How do you feel when you are in that kind of situation? The truth is that the only way to get good at something is to first be bad at it, and that is very uncomfortable for so many of us. It's so important that we do some work around that discomfort for two huge reasons: First, as parents, we start out bad at parenting simply because we've never do...

Kids and their bodies. This is such a hot topic, and I discuss it all the time with clients in one way, shape, or form. How do we raise kids... ...to understand consent and that they can say no? ...to feel good in their bodies and sidestep eating disorders or body dysmorphia? ...to be comfortable with sex and have a healthy relationship with their bodies and sexuality? ...to have healthy relations...

Do you know what you're really feeling in any given moment? There's a core emotion inside each of us. It is a big driver our personalities - our motivations, avoidances, habits and behaviors are all determined in large part by this current of sensation flowing within us all the time. And when we are unaware of that current, we show up in the world as a bundle of all those protective elements and n...

Do you know what you're really feeling in any given moment? There's a core emotion inside each ot us. It is a big driver our personalities - our motivations, avoidances, habits and behaviors are all determined in large part by this current of sensation flowing within us all the time. And when we are unaware of that current, we show up in the world as a bundle of all those protective elements and n...

What if you always knew how to parent your kid? Sound preposterous, and maybe so. No matter what evolution we go through, we will always be human beings and parenting will always have surprises. But on this week's episode of the Confessions Of A Parent Coach podcast, I will make the case that it's a Hell of a lot less preposterous than you might think. There are lots of intuitive approaches gainin...

What is a growth edge? This week on the Confessions Of A Parent Coach podcast, my littlest kiddo, Skye, is helping me make my confession! I asked him if he could think of a time I pushed him to do something that was just too much for him, and he came up with a great example that helps me talk about the idea of a growth edge with you. Listen to the podcast to hear: · My awesome eleven-year-old ;) ·...