Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved One's Recovery from Addiction & Mental Illness

Guest Meme English, a former family therapist and consultant in the legal system, discusses family dynamics. When it comes to substance use, family dynamics are complicated. There are many layers of trauma, from generational to personal, and competing  needs among family members. Balancing all these factors and personal  situations means deciding whose needs get most clearly met. Trauma  therapy a...

Let's look at shame and negative thinking and discuss how to slow down, gain awareness, and soothe your system. Our hosts focus on the essential tool of empathy -- especially for yourself -- as a way to  understand what story you’re making up, and change that story by looking for the positive even in difficult moments. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale....

Dominique shares a family’s question about a loved one who’s addressed the most pressing substance use. Should the family now focus on their loved one’s cannabis use? Our hosts discuss harm reduction and the role of the “functional analysis” in CRAFT to address such questions. The analysis involves reviewing what’s changed, patterns and dynamics, and making sure your own behaviors support reductio...

Even when love is not conditional, there sometimes must be conditions regarding people’s behavior. Love in romantic relationships may change if you break up, but with family members, conditionality applies to behavior, not love. What we as family members can modify is how we react and our expectations. Conditionality goes back to boundary issues – there are edges someone comes to where they must s...

What do you do in those difficult moments when you feel ramped-up? Laurie and Kayla discuss strategies to back away and not go with the emotion of the moment. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. (Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested) Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn mo...

What are the obstacles between knowing what to do and putting that knowledge into real practice? In part 1, our hosts focus on  avoiding a "crisis" response, and slowing events down to avoid being reactive. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. (Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested) Allies in Recovery's member si...

Laurie and Kayla discuss change -- how to manage it, how quickly it can or can't happen, and how to focus your efforts. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. (Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested) Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ .  During this ti...

An overview of the first twelve weeks of CRAFT, discussing what it can accomplish quickly, and what becomes a lifetime practice. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. (Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested) Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ .  During this...

So what are boundaries, really? Who are they really for, and how do you use them well? The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. (Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested) Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ .  During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning...

How do you address conflict? The Allies' team discusses several important de-escalation techniques to use when you're faced with an emerging conflict.  The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. (Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested) Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more...

Dominique tells the story of a dad who sees his son's truck at a saloon. Not wanting the son to drive home intoxicated, dad uses an extra key to drive the truck home, parking it a block away. The son returns home intoxicated, ranting about his "stolen truck."  Dad stays silent while the son calls the police. They arrive and the intoxicated son rages. Dad tells police (but not the son...

A continued discussion of families and treatment. Part one examined how the family can affect treatment and  vice-versa. Part two looks at the overall idea: taking care of yourself and observing your own boundaries, while asking how you might best add to treatment. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. (Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you'...

Laurie, Dominique, and Kayla discuss ideas about families and treatment, focusing particularly on how the family can affect treatment -- and vice-versa -- in part one of this two-part episode. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. (Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested) Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on...

A continued discussion of the CRAFT model in romantic relationships. In part 2, our hosts talk about practicing and using the tools of CRAFT in difficult moments to address not you  loved one's substance use, but the relationship-affecting behavior that happens with substance use. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. (Cost should not be a barrier—please r...

How does the CRAFT model work in romantic relationships? In part one, our hosts say our job as loved ones is to get our  own needs met. First, we must figure out those needs and what we can do to meet them, then ask for help from our loved ones in specific, measurable ways. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. (Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if...

What are the challenges of releasing yourself from feeling responsible for your loved one's behavior, as their parent or family member? This involves recognizing yourself as your own person, and allowing them the respect and dignity of having their own process. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on...

Our hosts discuss the individual nature of the  term "recovery." They look at recovery as an evolution involving growth,  change, finding meaning, and finding ease. They say the best plan is to  respect people's processes, plant seeds when you can, and stay  interested in how your loved one defines the process for themselves. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on...

A look at CRAFT as the beginning of  treatment – as connection, openness, curiosity, and modeling change. Our hosts advocate focusing not on what your loved one does, but on case management, on researching available options to present when the time is  right. That leaves you free to work on changing the dynamic and going for connection. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a...

In many families, parents of children with substance abuse disorder are taking care of their grandchildren. Hosts Dominique, Laurie, and Kayla and guest Dr. Meme English discuss the complexities of a multigenerational dynamic, intergenerational trauma and substance use, the lack of resources for grandparents, and the need for people to connect to more support in these overwhelming circumstances an...

Addiction specialist Dr. Carl Erik Fisher discusses the effects of stress on the body, and shares some mindfulness techniques that are proven effective. Dr. Fisher and our hosts explain how mindfulness can help families in recovery achieve a sense of agency in their lives by allowing them more control over their emotions. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale....

It’s incredibly hard to have a Loved One who’s experiencing homelessness. Our hosts—Hazel, Kevin, and Greer—join Kayla Solomon to discuss their experiences with their Loved Ones and offer hard-won advice.  They say it’s important to try to create an environment of openness, connection, and availability—up to a point. But it’s also important to have boundaries. If you’re not giving advice or interv...

How do accumulated negative feelings and trauma impact you and your relationship with your loved one? How do you get past them, to a better place? In part, it's about breaking the contract of the usual interactions and cycles—learn to step back, re-assess, and let our loved ones handle things without so much of our intervening. Kayla and Dominique discus ⁠ s how that can be done. The support g...

"This is not just a conflict resolution tool, it's about showing somebody that you're actually interested in what they're talking about," Kayla reminds us. Reflective listening involves two simultaneous mindsets—you're listening, and at the same time reflecting whatever your Loved One says. Our hosts weigh in on good strategies for dealing with the difficulty of inhabitin...

Ever felt baffled or enraged by communicating with a loved one? Check out this popular episode from 2021, hosted by Kayla Solomon, Laurie MacDougall, and Isabel Cooney. What is "reflective listening?" How does it work? What are the benefits for you, and the person you're listening to? And why does Kayla believe in it so much that she'd use it if someone were pointing a gun at her...

When your Loved One is coming home, it's time to collaborate and negotiate about expectations and plans. It's important to hear what consequences they suggest for certain actions or inaction, and to keep communicating openly over time.  This is a ripe moment to have a talk about the various possibilities and what might occur in the near future. This is a perfect  timeto use the leverage yo...