Close Talkers - A Seinfeld Podcast

Warning: This episode is pretty gassy. Jerry Seinfeld thinks toxic masculinity is knowing how to order a drink. Derek doesn't believe blond hair and brown eyes is a thing.

Thick does not mean chunk. We keep it short and silly for this terrible episode.

The Friars Club serves turd burger. Derek has strong feelings about conductors again. Katy's mic was off and no one noticed.

This episode goes off the rails and never comes back. Nothing we say can be used against us in a court of law.

Katy wants a steady flow, medium pressure. Derek doesn't know what the other side of cabbage is. And can your pee tell you about your bones?

Marisa Tomei loves short, stocky, funny bald men. Elaine loses her mind. Jerry is a very good boy. Derek thinks he is not related to his cousins.

Elaine covets a bike, George claims a name, Kramer asked for Dijon and Jerry can't solve a mystery. That happens!

This can only mean one thing - George is dead. Elaine's prank backfires and we describe how to steal a Ford Ranger.

We're in a Taylor Ham scenario. Katy maintains overhand would get the rye up to the third floor. Derek tries not bring up butt chugging but it happens anyway. We all blame Rusty.

Where's Susan? George is worrying an old friend with his behaviour, and everyone else is worried about Lloyd Braun. Elaine's shirt could be wetter.

Derek believes a sponge will always get used. Katy had to do a hard target search for eye wipes. Kramer's walk is not worth talking about.

Hello and welcome to this episode. Why don't you just tell me what you thought of it? We discuss driving positions, buffers and ballzookas.

Take Part in the fun! Elaine is obsessed with a man who doesn't remember her, and George reveals his secret to Jacopo's mama.

We get censored this episode, and it's not for saying Soup Nazi too much. George is disgusted with Jerry. Kramer is roughed up by toughs.

Elaine tries to write catalogue copy and defends her alarm clock and microwave skills. Katy asks Derek to banter.

Too much happens in the span of two days. George winks constantly. We agree head-to-toe doesn't make sense.

Derek thinks Katy uses too many mugs. Katy is pro-canning. Larry David's worst story idea sees George providing a chair.

All we want are doors to the floor. George wants to postpone to the first day of Spring. Kramer spills a latte.

She scooped the niblets. Katy identifies with Elaine as a pyjama-clad, neighbour-yeller. Derek appreciates knowing where you are and what you're doing. We discuss Mad About You.

Is nog short for "not egg" in this case? We drink on air for your holiday enjoyment. Warning: Lots of lippy smacky noises.

Oh no! My frankfurter! My frankfurter oh no. The incomparable divine Miss M finds herself Gilooly'd, and princess wants a manicure. None of this make sense, and we gab about hockey goss.

You gotta support the team. This devolves into a hockey gossip podcast with a sidebar into butt wiping.

Repeat after me: you can't have sex in the lobby of a hotel. And what does it mean if you say you have a pen in your ear? George is a terrible person.

Warning: This episode is about ass. We say it a lot. Fusili, blepharoplasty, vanity and hilarity ensue.

Sucking on pits and nuts, this episode is not really about a doodle. At the end we take a hard turn into energy politics!