Clemenz With a ”Z” Podcast

In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I sit down with former member of the ICOC Greg to unpack the winding road that led him from a Catholic upbringing into the heart of the ICOC. Greg’s story is one of spiritual searching, family dynamics, and the slow unraveling of certainty. With honesty and depth, he shares what it felt like to be swept up in a system that promised purpose—but delivered press...

What happens when the place that was supposed to offer belonging, love, and healing becomes the very thing that teaches you to be small? In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z", I explore how my time in the ICOC—and the broader evangelical culture I grew up in—shaped the way I saw myself, God, and the meaning of worth. From the story of the Garden to the image of the Cross, I unpack how scripture an...

n this episode, I share the story of attending two very different concerts in the same week—one a high-energy worship night with Phil Wickham, Kristian Stanfill, and Cody Carnes, the other a gritty, laid-back rock show by Pepper. On the surface, these shows couldn’t have been more different... but as I stood in both spaces, coffee in hand at one and beer in hand at the other, I started noticing so...

In this episode, I hit a wall—and I don’t clean it up. I talk about what it feels like to be doing all the “right” things—therapy, journaling, movement, rest, reflection—and still feel like I’m falling apart. I wrestle with the chaos of life, the illusion of control, and that haunting thought: “Is this how it’s always going to be?” Along the way, I reflect on a line from Living Buddha, Living Chri...

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I open up about the fear-based faith I was raised in—specifically within the International Churches of Christ (ICOC)—and how it shaped my view of God, love, obedience, and myself. From childhood memories of fearing hell, to moments of spiritual panic, guilt, and manipulation, this episode is a raw unpacking of what happens when fear becomes the foundation of be...

In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I sit down with Sachiko to hear her story of life inside—and eventually, outside—the International Churches of Christ. With honesty, warmth, and depth, Sachiko shares what it was like to grow up in a high-control religious environment, the internal battles she faced, and how she began reclaiming her voice after years of being told who she was supposed to be....

What happens when everything you once believed starts to fall apart? In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive into the difference between cynicism and skepticism—and why one keeps you stuck while the other helps you move forward. I share my personal journey through faith deconstruction, religious trauma, and healing, drawing from Richard Rohr’s Wisdom Pattern (Order → Disorder → Reorder) to exp...

Empathy and compassion should be the foundation of faith, right? So why are they suddenly treated like liabilities? In this episode, I break down the growing fear around "toxic empathy" and ask the bigger questions: Why are so many people—especially in religious spaces—acting like caring too much is dangerous? Why does faith seem to be turning into a fortress instead of a bridge? And if following...

Purity culture wasn’t just a set of rules—it was a full-blown system of fear, shame, and control that dictated everything from dating to what we wore to whether or not we could even think about smashing without disappointing God. In this episode, I take a deep dive into how purity culture shaped my childhood, warped my understanding of relationships, and made me legitimately believe I was going to...

"Everyone Wants the Lollipop" isn’t just about church—it’s about the deep human need for certainty, belonging, and reward. We all want to believe we’re on the right path. We want to feel like we’re doing life the right way. And when faith gives us a system, a structure, and a sweet little reward at the end? It’s hard to walk away. In this episode, I dive into the church boom, the business of belie...

For the first time in the We Were In a Cult? series, I’m sitting down with a married couple who both experienced the pressures of purity culture, mission work, and the relentless push toward marriage inside the International Churches of Christ. In this episode, they share how dating was never about personal connection—it was about proving your spirituality and being deemed "worthy" to move forward...

For generations, fathers were expected to provide, protect, and keep their emotions in check. Love was often shown, but rarely spoken. But does it have to be that way? In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, we dive into the generational expectations of fatherhood, the unspoken rules around masculinity, and why words—especially words like "I love you"—carry more weight than we realize. I share person...

Leaving isn’t always a clean break—sometimes, it takes a few tries. In this deeply personal episode of Clemenz With a Z, I share my journey of walking away from the ICOC... three times. From the pressure-packed Bible studies to the weight of guilt, shame, and trying to fit into a mold that never felt like me, this is the story of what it took to finally say enough. I talk about the fear of leaving...

When did worship music start to feel more like a concert than a connection? In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I dig into the weird, wild world of modern worship and Christian music—where flashing lights, fog machines, and booming bass lines often take center stage. I’m not here to tell you what’s right or wrong—I don’t have the answers. I just know something about it makes me uncomfortable, a...

After everything I have heard, after recounting my own life and the lives of others, I can finally say it—yes, this was and is a cult. It’s hard to say, and for some, it’s hard to hear. But naming it gives me power over it. It makes healing possible. This is just the beginning. In Clemenz With a Z, I will continue unpacking my experiences in the ICOC through a new series of episodes titled This Wa...

Was I in a cult? That’s the question I’m exploring in this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', but this time, I’m not answering it alone. For this conversation, I’m sitting down with someone who has had a front-row seat to my entire journey—my wife, Carly. Unlike me, Carly didn’t grow up in a high-control religious group. She never had to question whether leaving a church meant leaving God. But she did...

For most of my life, I believed I was a calm person—until a therapist told me otherwise. This episode is about my journey with anger: from growing up in an environment where anger was seen as a sin, to suppressing it until it exploded, to finally learning how to sit with it, listen to it, and find healthier outlets. I talk about childhood, therapy, teaching boys about emotional space, and the thin...

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive into the powerful metaphor of glass and rubber balls to explore how we prioritize what matters most in life. I share personal reflections on how my passion for teaching, rigid routines, and inability to say “NO” left my family as the forgotten rubber balls—when they should have been my top priorities. Through hard conversations, emotional wake-up calls,...

Gratitude isn’t always easy, and it’s definitely not always obvious. Life moves fast, responsibilities pile up, and before we know it, we forget the small miracles holding us up every day. In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I reflect on a poem by James A. Pearson (The Wilderness That Bears Your Name) that reminded me to pause and see what’s been there all along: the rising sun, the steady ground...

In this latest episode of Clemenz With a "Z":  "Black Coffee, Camo Bibles, and Sissy Sticks: Faith, Fragile Manhood, and the Things That Shouldn’t Matter", I dive into the unspoken (and often ridiculous) rules about masculinity that churches and culture push on men. From black coffee and camo Bibles to the fear of looking "soft," I explore how these narrow definitions shape our identities and why...

In this latest episode of Clemenz With a "Z", part of our ongoing We Were In a Cult? series, we sit down with Ann to explore her remarkable story. Born in Northern China and later moving to Singapore, Ann’s path eventually led her to the ICOC, a church she believed would offer community and purpose but instead brought manipulation and control. Through courage and vulnerability, Ann shares the emot...

In this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I dive into a subject that sparks heated discussions and deep reflections: the relationship between churches and money. From the high production value of Sunday services to the tax-exempt status that many churches enjoy, this episode peels back the layers to examine how finances influence the modern church experience. Drawing from my personal visits to variou...

In the latest episode of Clemenz With a Z, we continue our series, We Were in a Cult?, with a deeply personal and eye-opening conversation featuring Liz, a former member of the International Church of Christ (ICOC). Liz shares her journey of being drawn into the church as a college student and the lasting impact it had on her life. This episode delves into the ICOC’s influence on marriage dynamics...

In this latest episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I dive deep into the evolving practice of baptism in modern churches and ask some hard questions: Has something sacred turned into a spectacle? Drawing from my own baptism experience, which was meant to be transformative but left me feeling exposed and disconnected, I explore how baptisms are often presented as high-production events with promotional t...

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, we continue our powerful series, We Were In a Cult?, with a compelling conversation featuring Diana. Diana shares her story of being introduced to the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) during her college years in Boston. What began as a chance encounter at a grocery store turned into years of involvement in a high-control religious group. Diana reflects o...