Cheryl’s Bitches

Archie takes a blood oath to Hiram, Jughead finally figured out what the Lodges evil plan is, and we quote “We could’ve had a real good life, Archie’s Dad” 7 times.

It’s the Love Simon episode!!! Cheryl and Toni go on their first date to Love Simon, Kevin goes to this gay rom-com (Love Simon) alone, and the rest of the gang has a romantic weekend at Lodge Lodge (to avoid having to watch Love Simon).

Betty hides a body, Archie shows unreasonable loyalty and Fred may or may not have been using undocumented Canadian workers this whole time?

Allison and Evan discuss Veronica’s confirmation, Catholicism, Cole Sprouse’s acting, and icon Papa Poutine.

In this frankly iconic episode, Allison and Evan discuss homoerotic wrestling, if Chic is hot or not, and the fact that Hiram Lodge has definitely suffered from Kinsey 2 allegations.

In this episode, Allison and Evan react to Southside High shutting down, Betty finding her long lost brother, and explain why Veronica and Archie are actually soulmates.

In this episode, Allison and Evan discuss Jughead skinning a woman, the Barchie kiss and the black hood getting caught!

Allison and Evan discuss one of the most insane episodes of Riverdale (yes, the one where Betty strips to Mad World).

Allison and Evan discuss one of the best Jarchie plotlines, Cheryl’s problematic behavior, and why you should always trust your women’s intuition.

In a frankly chaotic episode, Allison and Evan discuss the sugarman, FP’s return, and the ethics of street racing.

Allison addresses “your mom still dresses you slay-core”. Evan raves about Alice Cooper gaslighting and slaying. And they explain why you shouldn’t go into abandoned houses even if a serial killer tells you to.

In this episode, Evan and Allison discuss an underreported problematic Archie moment, the ethics of vigilantism and how Betty’s ponytail is iconic and beyond reproach.

Allison and Evan discuss woke Fred Andrews, the homophobic Betty Cooper moodboard, and how Kevin Keller did nothing wrong.

In this instant classic of an episode Evan and Allison discuss the inherent homoeroticism of threatening to release your cousin’s snuff film and the prison industrial complex. And Allison sings 3 separate Taylor Swift songs.

In the season 2 premiere, Allison and Evan discuss the arrival of Hiram “Daddy” Lodge, Fred’s brush with death, and Hermione not letting go of the Cristal.

In this season 1 bonus episode, Allison and Evan react to circa-2017 Riverdale memes. It’s a lot of fun.

On this finale, Allison and Evan discuss Serpent Slut™️ memes, Archie leading Betty on for no reason, and the future of Riverdale.

Evan and Allison identify many plotholes in the penultimate episode of the season! #SpareUsTheMiddleClassMorality #WhereEvenIsToledo

Allison and Evan discuss why Riverdale is an indie darling show, if Veronica has the emotional bandwidth to deal with Archie, and if Pop’s milkshakes are in the recommended diet of pregnant women.

In the most giggly episode yet, Allison and Evan discuss Alice’s invasions of privacy, our feelings about Secrets and Sins and how Kevin is the voice of gay Twitter.

Allison and Evan discuss if Archie is a nepotism baby and if Cheryl is crazy or just a 15 year old girl.

Allison and Evan discuss one-on-one sports ;), creepy baby nightlights and Kevin’s taste in fashion.

Evan speculates on how Polly would perform on Survivor, Allison talks about the “We could’ve had a real good life Archie’s dad” iconic Tumblr post, and they both struggle to understand timelines.

Allison and Evan discuss the lost Josie and the Pussycats TV show, construction workers’ role in gentrification, and #Archerie.

Allison and Evan discuss funeral etiquette, family rivalries and living in a post-Grundy world.