Cat Noir Comedy Podcast

"We shall defend our feathers, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the moors, we shall fight on the farmlands, we shall fight in the fields and in the scrubs, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."   Tipping the balance of society, a shady organisation has armed all British Game Birds so that they are able to fight back. A small group of farmers are trapped in a valle...

First came the noir classic: Strangers on a Train. Then, decades later: Throw Momma from a Train. Following that was: Snakes on a Plane, although it had nothing to do with the first two. And now, finally, after all these years… there’s this.   Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com   Find us...

It’s a fable as old as the hills; the tragic story of two quarrelling households becoming a generations long feud. So, cosy up with the Burpingtons and the Windbuckets, as they tell their tale of heartache and flatulence.   Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com   Magic flute and Harp arpeggi...

The chase continues across the spaghetti junctions of the M6. Can Gavin and Chip escape the lorry that's been tailing them or will they be pushed off the road to face a fiery death on the hard shoulder.   Geoff the Baker advises that there could be some confusion with the small print about him on the last episode, and would like to point out that he is not a vampire, he just enjoys merlot. &n...

  On his way to a job interview in Birmingham, Gavin Walters picks up a hitchhiker, unaware he is being followed by a lorry eager to get his attention. Can they escape before they are forced to eat at a two-star motorway service?   Geoff the Baker occasionally enjoys a little glass of red.   Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders. ...

As the story becomes increasingly unfocussed due to sloppy writing, Kev and Matt finally learn the truth of The Pie Man.   Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast   Geoff the Baker said he’ll be back when we stop mocking pies. So, next week.  www.catno...

The Pie Man strikes again, leaving a helpless town to become more pastry than people. Will he succeed in his diabolical schemes, or will everything turn to crust and crumbs?   Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast   No word from Geoff the Baker yet, but w...

Hide your children. Flush your pets. Lock away old people. The Pie Man has come to town. And he won’t be leaving until he knows everyone’s favourite recipe.   Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast   Geoff the Baker is co-incidentally out of town.  ww...

Whilst running a session, a therapist is surprised to discover he is actually the patient. However things take a really strange turn when another therapist arrives.   Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.  Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast . www.catnoircomedypodcast.org.uk   #bri...

Season Nine Coming Soon   Season 9 will be released around August 2026 and will including the following 12 episodes: Everyone needs therapy The Pie Man Saga Part 1 The Pie Man Saga Part 2 The Pie Man Saga Part 3 Last chance to die Dual A tale of two idiots Not a Clip show Death Match 3000 And three other mystery stories #mystery Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sande...

Patrick MacNee presents the first episode of his new podcast, showcasing recent finds of missing TV. Expect duelling children's presenters, chickens and chaffinches, excellent theme tunes and a line from the biggest movie of all time, ever. You will be so pleased that you can only imagine the visuals.   Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders. Some...

Matt has travelled back in time to save the podcast and possibly the world. (Although we might be exaggerating that bit.) All he needs to do is steal a piece of paper from his comedy partner and ensure it is burnt. Now that sounds easy, but this is Matt we are talking about, and the decisions he makes in the past are surely going to affect the future.   Written, performed, produced, directed...

It's episode 100 but due to an error on the production paperwork, Kev has accidentally listed the Podcast as starting 100 years earlier than it did, pushing the show out of copywrite. Finding that someone is taking advantage of the situation and releasing their own stories using Cat Noir characters, all Matt and Kev need to do now is to travel back in time to sort this mess out. Luckily for them,...

Are you hungry for more whelk-based action? Then join us for a nature-runs-amok story that critics are already calling: “the third whelk-based tale in a whelk-based trilogy”.   Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast .  Geoff the Baker is no longer baki...

The whelk selling industry might be booming, but can a single humble whelk seller maintain monopoly against a rising sea of competitive business? Join us back on the promenade to find out.   Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com - Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast   Geoff the Baker wishes...

How much do you really know about the high-pressure business of whelk selling on a seaside promenade? Whatever your answer might be, things are all about to change…   Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Social media management by Laurie Stone. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast   Geoff t...

Mr Godwin is looking for love. Unfortunately he is looking for it on an app provided by his new next door neighbour who has built a casino in his loft. Can Mr Godwin beats the odds to find love before the council offices open on Wednesday or has he had his chips?   Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapspla...

Mr Godwin can't get any rest, as his new neighbour is making too much noise, so he turns to his old friend Agony Aunt to find a solution. Will the council help before Mr Godwin is forced to seek the advice of MC Hammer?   Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodc...

Filthy, frazzled, foul-smelling, and largely friendless in a world too big to make sense, Stargazers Bundy and Ted are faced with some difficult choices in their quest to return to normal size. Part 4 of a 4 part story.   Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast...

With the butterflies disgruntled and woodlice chomping on the floorboards, Stargazers Bundy and Ted hope for more promising answers from the return of Tim the ladybird. Meanwhile, elsewhere, the greenfly don’t seem too happy. Part 3 of a 4 part story.   Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find...

With a whole new perspective of the observatory floor, stargazers Bundy and Ted meet some of the wildlife and learn what they really think about humans. Part 2 of a 4 part story.   Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast   Geoff the Baker proudly announces...

Stargazers Bundy and Ted are in for a fun surprise at the hands of a strange new mystery parcel, which comes complete with incredibly vague instructions. Part 1 of a 4 part story.   Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast   Geoff the Baker proudly announces...

Welcome to Cat Noir Comedy Podcast Season 8. The weekly season. Join us every 7 days for 12 weeks of fun. Bundy I shrunk the Ted 1 Bundy I shrunk the Ted 2 Bundy I shrunk the Ted 3 Bundy I shrunk the Ted 4 Home under the hammer Dates are not the only fruit War of the Whelks (Part One) War of the Whelks (Part Two) Revenge of the Whelks Public Domain The Knowing Wink of Podcast Zero Patrick MacNee's...

Announcement: Cat Noir will be releasing 12 episodes weekly from Feb 2026 and then again later in the year.   Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers.  Original artwork by Maisie Chilvers. Social media management by Laurie Stone.  Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast   Geoff the Baker...

The four survivors of Flight 935 have been saved, but at what cost. As a devious plot to restart a chocolate empire puts Insert and Agatha in danger, Danny and Warren are forced to complete a dangerous mission in the heart of occupied Herring territory and not everyone is getting out alive.   Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders. Artwork by Mais...