Caleb Can't Read

Send us Fan Mail Come join us as we go in length into the great American masterpiece, "Moby Dick"!  There's traumatized toddlers!  Dick fat!  A South Seas gay marriage!  Everything needed to run a safe re-election!

Send us Fan Mail Split your lungs with blood and thunder, kids!  It's Herman Melville!  As we begin our journey into the life of this troubled sailor, we will be focusing on his career as a failed writer before his eventual magnum opus, "Moby Dick".  Take your Dramamine, the water's gonna be rough!

Send us Fan Mail Hello, all.  This is just a quick update for anyone wondering why we've got such a strange episode schedule currently.  Short answer: it's because we don't make any money on this podcast so we're fighting for our lives with our day jobs.  And with schedule changes for our day jobs comes schedule changes for our episodes on here.  Episodes will now come every 2...

Send us Fan Mail WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME YOU LITTLE COMMIE?  YOU THINK YOU CAN TALK TO UNCLE SAM THAT WAY?  Well it turns out that someone DID talk to Uncle Sam that way, and his name was James Dalton Trumbo, author of "Johnny Got His Gun" and the (in)famous Communist blacklisted from Hollywood!  Come listen to us discuss his most well-known work as well as Jordan not knowing the differen...

Send us Fan Mail TW: Abuse, just... a lot of abuse all around.  Please skip this one if you've got any kind of hangups on this; Welcome to the first episode for Season 4 of Caleb Can't Read!  And along with it, the most notorious pimp of them all, and the man who literally wrote the handbook on it, Iceberg Slim!

Send us Fan Mail TW: Child Abuse, Rape; You know us, we love a good shithead.  Well we're digging up one of the most glorified of all the drunk, abusive, deadbeat writers of them all, the poet and novelist Charles Bukowski!

Send us Fan Mail Well we typed in "worst author" and this guy unsurprisingly topped every list right ahead of Glenn Beck.  Come join us as we make fun of a Nazi who tried his hand at a literature and gloriously failed, the author behind terrorist propaganda book "The Turner Diaries", William Pierce III!

Send us Fan Mail COME FROM THE LAND OF THE ICE AND SNOW FROM THE MIDNIGHT SUN WHERE THE HOT SPRINGS BLOW we're doing "Beowulf" today.  Come join us on the journey through ransacked England, a house fire, and the melding of reality and fiction which brings us one of the oldest Viking tales we know!

Send us Fan Mail We've got emotional issues and we're having a hard time dealing with them, it's Johann David Wyss & Co., the authors of "The Swiss Family Robinson"!

Send us Fan Mail Do you love spies?  Pirates?  Gilligan's Island?  Then this episode is for you!  Come listen to the tale of Daniel Defoe, the man who wanted nothing more than to be accepted by literally anybody.  And he also wrote "Robinson Crusoe" if you're into that kind of thing.

Send us Fan Mail Well what can I say?  While this shit has always been around, it feels as though it's having a dramatic spike in America recently.  Come listen to some of history's most infamous instances of one of the world's most pointless acts!

Send us Fan Mail Welcome to the tale of "Don Quixote"!  If you wanted a tale of drama, love, and intrigue, see our episode on Mary Wollstonecraft.  But if you want the story of two men who vomit on each other, this is the book for you.  Follow us through the last years of the man who popularized satire, Miguel de Cervantes!

Send us Fan Mail We've got everything with this one.  We've got knights.  We've got pirates.  We've got slavery.  It's a very problematic time period as I'm sure you're well aware of by now.  Come listen to the tale of a man who was a victim/perpetrator of it all, the son of a lowly barber-surgeon... Miguel de Cervantes!

Send us Fan Mail I know you've probably been thinking, "Hey, I've got good excuses not to do that thing I've always wanted to do.  Like burning down a cop station, or writing a book."  Well we're here to tell you that your excuses are bullshit!  Here is the story of Jean-Dominique Bauby, the author of "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly", who wrote the ENTIRE...

Send us Fan Mail TW: Dead Kids, Incest; God these kids are the fucking worst.  Are we ready to talk about their worst attributes and best personalities?  Alright then, let's go over the rest of Mary Shelley's accomplished (and sometime infamous) works.  Namely, "Frankenstein", "Mathilda", and "The Last Man".  Here we fuckin' gooooo....

Send us Fan Mail TW: Suicide; Do me a favor: think about how refined and elegant you'd expect an accomplished author (such as Mary Shelley) and a world-renowned poet (such as Percy Shelley) would be. Good. Now set those expectations WAAAAAY fucking lower.  These kids are some of the most annoying we've covered, and by God are they proud of that fact.  I will say it's impressive how...

Send us Fan Mail TW: Rape, Suicide; It's good to be back.  And with a recording device that so far hasn't fucked us!  This season we're kicking it off with the Queen of Feminism herself, Mary Wollstonecraft!

Send us Fan Mail Alright look, we DID have a 10th author for our season finale but due to our information being readily available, we are gonna have to veto this guy for now.  HOWEVER, come listen to Jordan read to Caleb the first chapter of infamous Harry Potter fanfic "My Immortal" for now while we get some shit figured out.  See y'all in January!

Send us Fan Mail TW: Pedophilia (EXCEPT THERE'S NO EVIDENCE TO SUGGEST HE DID ANY SUCH THING BUT WE CERTAINLY DID DISCUSS IT), Suicide; Who wants to get "Peter Pan" ruined for them?  Well jump on in and let's take a nosedive into the strangely upsetting childhood of J.M. Barrie, which leads us to the upsetting adulthood of J.M. Barrie!

Send us Fan Mail TW: Dead Kids; Hoo boy here we go with the racism again.  Join us for our discussion on Flannery O'Connor's Souther Gothic masterpiece "A Good Man Is Hard To Find", along with her novel "The Violent Bear It Away", and the rest of her work during her ever-declining health.  How fun!

Send us Fan Mail With the need for goth girlfriends on the rise, we can bring you at least one of those things: the advent of the Southern Gothic.  While Flannery O'Connor was not the first to write in this style, she was definitely the greatest influence-- and possibly the greatest writer to contribute to-- the Southern Gothic genre.  Come listen to us discuss the beginning of her career wit...

Send us Fan Mail TW: Incest, Rape; He's angry, he's sick of the hypocrisy, and he's not afraid to shove his middle finger in your face and tell you so.  Come listen to us discuss the man who helped light the powder keg of the Civil Rights movement and his critically-acclaimed novel "Invisible Man", Ralph Ellison!  

Send us Fan Mail Dear God in Heaven he's known as the worst poet in history and for good reason.  Between whales, bridges, and jute, the man is an unstoppable force of ass.  Not the good kind.  We're here to discuss the man, the myth, the unfortunate legend of William McGonagall! Also, thanks again to our shitty equipment, at 0:14:17 the audio skips an entire section of William's st...

Send us Fan Mail come listen to this episode (this episode is for you) it's about the                   man who made                                  beatniks sound good for for all of 20 minutes (20 minutes is what it waS) ee cummings!

Send us Fan Mail TW: Child Abuse, Dead Kids; There's not going to be a sweeter way of going around this rather than saying...  Look, this motherfucker is sad .  Come join us as we laugh off the awkwardness of something that was probably all too common: the slavery of kids not that long ago.  From the forgotten tales of thousands of children, we're lucky enough to be able to see the resul...