But Make It Hallmark

Chinggay and Patty kick off Year 3 of Hallmark movie reviews with Lacey Chabert, Autumn Reeser, and Allison Sweeney—three best friends who find an antique wedding veil said to bring true love to whoever owns it. Expect violent rants from Chinggay, 3/3 leading man raves from Patty, and a sudden craving for all things Italian (wink, wink). The Wedding Veil (Lacey Chabert, Kevin McGarry, Autumn Reese...

Chinggay and Patty look back on all 40 movies they’ve watched since October and rank the worst, the almost but not quites, and of course, the year’s Top 12. Also included: this year’s secondary characters who need to score major roles, our dream collabs among the stars of the HCU, our (loving) co-opting of Hanukkah traditions, who our Hallmark Santa is, and the one star who deserves so much credit...

Chinggay and Patty are sad to see the Miracles of Christmas bangers come to a resounding crash with this week’s tragic movies. But are revived and revved up with two of the year’s best movies yet: a reprise from the beloved Christmas House cast and the best triple-name pairing we’ve seen yet: Rachael Leigh Cook and Travis Van Winkle. Raise your hot cocoa glasses—we made it to the end of 2021! A Go...

Chinggay and Patty have waited years for Kristoffer Polaha to make his Hallmark holiday comeback—they finally get their wish this week with an amazing meta/parody performance. Plus, newcomers to the HCU take their breath away and the Williams ladies deliver a Sister Swap slam dunk. Sugar Plum Twist (Jamie Gray Hyder, Laura Rosguer, Ektor Rivera) Our Christmas Journey (Holly Robinson-Peete, Lyriq B...

Chinggay and Patty recast the week’s many mistletoe misses by summoning the long-missed big guns: Kris Polaha, Autumn Reeser, and JerJor to come save Christmas. In a surprising turn of events, they cement their love for holiday heroine Lacey Chabert, crown Brendan Penny as king of Hallmark’s service and care professions, and freak out over the 3/3 Hanukkah hit, “Eight Gifts of Christmas.” Stand by...

Chinggay and Patty cringe through a few misses and revel at the massive number of hits that Hallmark’s Merry Thanksgiving streak had to offer. It was like the veritable HCU Avengers came to town, with Niall Matter (worming his way into our panties again), Tyler Hynes (who we have F’d and M’d one too many times), unexpected cameos from actors who’ve stolen our hearts, unexpected bad guy from the bi...

Chinggay and Patty can’t believe the network finally gave Andrew Walker an electrifyingly awesome holiday movie. And if that wasn’t enough excitement for one week, Peter Gallagher has entered the HCU, proving that he is the real Hallmark Zaddy. Plus, Patty divulges our secret grudge against one unnamed leading man. A Holiday in Harlem (Olivia Washington, Will Adams, Tina Lifford) Open By Christmas...

Chinggay and Patty barely made it through this week, remembering only the bare minimum from Countdown to Christmas’ three MIstletoe Misses. The bright spot this week comes from Hallmark Movies and Mysteries’ Miracles of Christmas again. Who knew we’d choose a wholesome, family drama over all the would-be romcoms this year? Stay tuned for the mass homicide happening this episode at F*ck, Marry, and...

Chinggay and Patty were at a loss this week—how could Ryan Paevey and Janel Parrish come up with a dud? Why do hardcore Christmas musicals even exist? Who green lighted these movies? Thankfully, yet another “You’ve Got Mail” remake comes to the rescue and gives us something worth watching. Plus, favorite actors make a fantastic comeback. Christmas Sail (Katee Sackhoff, Patrick Sabongui) Christmas...

Ho ho ho! Chinggay and Patty start Season 2 of BMIH’s holiday festivities with many mistletoe misses and one movie that actually sleighed. For interracial freshness, an investigation into “where haven’t we seen Luke Macfarlane,” plus waxing poetic on Paul Campbell’s snazzy new swagger, give our BMIH Christmas launch a listen. You, Me & the Christmas Trees (Danica McKellar, Benjamin Ayres) The...

Chinggay and Patty call it—this is Chesapeake Shores’ best season yet. Every character from Grandma Nell to all of Abby’s and Bree’s love interests get a well-earned shoutout in this comprehensive breakdown. Plus, F*ck Marry Kill, Chesapeake Shores edition. Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeith...

Chinggay and Patty are so floored by fall, they actually deign to recommend their usual Hallmark nitpicks: “believable” time travel, country music cha-cha-chas, and divorced exes riding horses together. The most notable stars of this season, however, bring spicy Argentinian and Cuban flavors to a slowly evolving HCU. Bring out the wine and the ropa pie, and cheers to fall! Love Strikes Twice (Kati...

Chinggay and Patty speculate on the upcoming holiday movies, since Hallmark failed to give us any info on what to expect. Also included, the folks we’re missing this year, and the folks + movies we wish we didn’t have to watch. Brace yourselves for some BMIH snark. Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @bu...

Chinggay and Patty take a stab at even more summer movies — going meta with tv-themed storylines, embarking on yet another adventure in search of wildlife and waterfalls, and finally finding justice for Wes Brown. Before ditching your sunnies for pumpkin spice lattes, listen to the detailed dissection of Andrew Walker’s impeccable Hallmark-copyrighted talent. Sealed with a Kiss: Wedding March 6 (J...

Chinggay and Patty bid a not so fond farewell to Sam, Cassie, and the rest of the Good Witch crew in low spirits. They run through this bummer of a season so nobody else has to. You’ve been warned. Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeithallmark

Chinggay and Patty go through a melting pot of rehashed plotlines, attractive destinations, pretty leads, and fresh new faces to the HCU. 2021’s Summer Nights provides a mixed bag of teen angst, mature love (always a BMIH fave), carbs, and small towns needing a tourism Hail Mary. Plus, our hosts plot the perfect HCU Avengers-style movie mash-up. Sand Dollar Cove (Aly Michalka and Chad Michael Murr...

Chinggay and Patty rake through the Hallmark archives to watch a compilation of regency remakes. Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, and Emma Hallmark Channel style did not go down well… so to take the bitter taste of Austen blasphemy away, Chinggay and Patty proactively cast their own Hallmark-Austen adaptations. Unleashing / Marrying Mr. Darcy (Cindy Busby and Ryan Paevey) Christmas...

Chinggay and Patty head back to Hope Valley and wrap up the last six episodes of “When Calls the Heart” season 8. They spice up the boring bits with Sex and the City mash-ups, subversive feminist plot possibilities, and an outpouring of love for Rosemary Coulter. Stay for F*ck, Marry, Kill, ladies edition. Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art Follow us on Twit...

Chinggay and Patty’s favorite Hallmark season is here—Spring Fling. They discuss Hallmark’s foray into more “adult” content (abs and morning afters?), and tackle the clear winners of the season: Irish accents and new-to-the-HCU starpower, plus Filipino representation done so, so right. Also, a first in BMIH: a Red Wedding massacre in F*ck, Marry, Kill. Spring Fling One Perfect Wedding (Taylor Cole...

Chinggay and Patty run through two seasons’ worth of all-new movies from the HCU. They go over the clangers, anti-heroes, and sub-par character arcs; and celebrate 2021’s unmissable stunners: broad shoulders, hair product perfection, and OTT Parent Trap plots. Stay for a few surprising BMIH firsts care of F*ck, Marry, Kill. New Year, New Movies Taking a Shot at Love - Alexa Peñavega and Luke Macfa...

Chinggay and Patty are back for Season 2 and are kicking things off with the Hallmark Channel’s banner show, “When Calls the Heart.” They run through the good, the bad, and the ugly, discussing new neighbors that bring diversity, old storylines that deserve to be retired, and frankly, the only significant plotline of this new season: Elizabeth’s love life. Plus, Hope Valley gets its own dose of F*...

Chinggay and Patty sweat bullets coming up with a list of this year’s 12 greatest holiday hits. Their rundown includes the semi-charmed movies that didn’t quite make the cut, and also the ones they want wiped off the face of the Hallmark Cinematic Universe. Bonus: F*ck, Marry, Kill Holiday edition. Christmas Waltz - Lacey Chabert and Will Kemp Project Christmas Wish - Amanda Schull and Travis Van...

Chinggay and Patty end their 40-movie marathon with Hallmark’s final four and reach the finish line breathless and besotted. Get ready to swoon, big time, over royals, road trips, and the most attractive pairing in Hallmark Cinematic Universe history yet. Hallmark Channel - Countdown to Christmas: A Christmas Carousel (Rachel Boston and Neal Bledsoe) Cross Country Christmas (Rachael Leigh Cook and...

Chinggay and Patty speculate over whether a second Hanukkah film can beat last year’s fan fave. They also establish the ground rules for a “bare minimum” Hallmark movie and talk about the right way to tackle typical tropes. Bonus: HCU’s newest hottie is setting the screen on fire. Hallmark Movies & Mysteries - Miracles of Christmas: Unlocking Christmas (Taylor Cole and Steve Lund) A Glenbrooke...

Chinggay and Patty’s joyful holiday spirit slowly deflates as Hallmark delivers one dud after another. One thing’s for certain: it’s time for all the annual Christmas series to end and never come back. Good thing Movies & Mysteries had a little charmer of a movie to save the day. Hallmark Channel - Countdown to Christmas: Christmas She Wrote (Danica McKellar and Dylan Neal) Christmas in Evergr...