Boob Tube Boys

"When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow." - Ursula K. Le Guin This week, the BTBs talk about a Knight Rider episode where two cars fight each other, and it's sick. One of them is a nice, lame car. The other car is rude and cool.

When we last left our hero (Old Ben) he had just agreed to save Princess Leia from the nefarious forces of Flea. We pick up on the neon streets of Space Hong Kong where there are seedy monsters, Ewan McGregor's daughter, a drug factory, and possibly our little captured heroine. Van, Brian, and Spencer once again travel to a galaxy far, far away to figure out if Kenobi still has what it takes to us...

Star Wars. The Boob Tube Boys. Finally the two epic creations collide in this very special episode where Van, Brian, and Spencer dive headfirst into the sad, sad life of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Van has been counting down the days until the release of the Disney+ show and now that it's here it is time to give it the BTB treatment. So steal yourself a piece of meat from work, get adopted by Jimmy Smits, and...

The Tubers go back in time to cover Knight Rider, a show about what hot people and sentient cars were doing in the mid-1980s. Brian is in the driver's seat this week, steering Van and Spencer to victory lane as the crew discusses synthesizers, shirt buttons, and the world's dampest misanthrope. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll get your priceless jewels stolen right from under your nose!

If you're sitting at home thinking "boy, I sure wish I could listen to more Steven Seagal talk," then you've hit the jackpot with this week's episode! Van continues where we left off last week with this episode of True Justice and he tells Brian and Spencer all about yet another dead girl chained to a fence. Only this time it isn't a stripper... it's a cop! This hits too close to home for the crew...

Being lifelong friends the Boob Tube Boys have many things in common. They all love pizza, they all lived at this one house on Pinehurst in Springfield, Missouri at one point, and they of course all love the works of one Steven Seagal! Seagal typically saves his antics for the silver screen but one time Seagal managed to convince a show developer to give him a a 26 episode series that debuted in S...

You know Seinfeld called itself the "show about nothing" but that statement is wholly incorrect when you take into account the wonder that is Father Knows Best. This week's episode of FKB is aptly titled "The Weaker Sex," and we say aptly because the show beats you over the head with the fact that women are of course inferior to men in every way. We learn this because Betty, our Anderson family te...

70s years after Father Knows Best aired the BTBs are finally out to settle the question: does father know best? Spencer dives deep into FKB lore and imparts his wisdom on Van and Brian as the trio discovers the true value of a free spaghetti feed. Along they way they discuss Kathy's giant head, Bud being an insufferable teenager, and of course learn the best way to silence your detractors is to be...

Look: maybe Bibleman is actually awesome. This week brings a very different episode featuring a new caped quoter of scripture and less concern for trimming the rough edges of an obviously low budget production. Van, Brian, and Spencer get tangled up in a world of high-tech business cards, a cackling bad guy, Bible Bowls, and the sweetest lil' southern dandy your ears ever did hear. Stick around un...

Put on your Sunday best and listen to what those lovely Boob Tube Boys have to say about the children's direct-to-video superhero show Bibleman! Brian guides Van and Spencer through the world of middle school bullies forged by magic dust, villain lair scenes that abruptly turn into music videos, and more tucked-in clothing than you'd see on a yacht in 1988. You'll be "Livin' La Furiosa" by the tim...

Sure the Vorlons are cool as hell, but so are the Shadows! That means it's up to Van, Brian, and Spencer to determine which made up space monster is the right choice to be our caretaker. To figure it out, the guys watch Babylon 5 S4 E6: "Into the Fire" in which our hero (a charming, well-groomed plank of a man) the Captain leads all of the universe's forces into battle to determine the fate of sai...

Imagine the coolest thing you can think of. Is it alien karate fights and weird space jargon? THEN IT ISN'T AS COOL AS THIS EPISODE! Van, Brian, and Spencer strap on their spacesuits and rocket their way onto the Babylon 5 space station where they encounter space rabbis, weird ghoulish men creeping in the shadows, the weirdest hairline you've ever seen, and of course Gyor- the greatest fighter to...

The BTBs return to the scary, violent world of pitting people against one another in deadly competitions only to actually instead take a look at the scary, violent world of... well... everyday life! Spencer, Brian, and Van check out Squid Game episode 2 where our characters vote to leave the Squid Compound only to realize life on the outside is possibly even worse for them. Is Gi-hun as big of a d...

Have you ever wanted to hear the Boob Tube Boys butcher a bunch of Korean names for over an hour? No? Well tough because that's exactly what you're getting! The first episode of the hit Netflix series is up first and Spencer, Brian, and Van take a dive into the life of Gi-hun, a comically sad man with money problems who is introduced to a novel new way of making cash: playing pogs and bartering sl...

We all know Yoyo can solve a crime, but can he bang?! Brian posits this question and more to Van and Spencer as the Boob Tubers return once more to the '70s cop-and-bot show Holmes and Yoyo. There's a burglar up to no good at the local motel, and the only TV-logical way to nab the culprit is to have Yoyo and Maxine pose as honeymooners to catch him in the act. Will our main characters get their ma...

The BTBs switch things up this week with Holmes and Yoyo, a show that probably never existed. Brian guides Van and Spencer to an unnamed filthy, 1970s city with only diners in it, but it turns out there's trouble afoot! A toad and a square robot need to catch a counterfeiter before it's too late, but will their heroic attempts be foiled by a guy who works at a plastic factory? You'd better listen...

No Bones about it! That's it. That's the joke. Brian, Spencer, and Van are dragged yet again through Bones territory as the trio take one last deep long right into the meaty face of David Boreanaz. On this one, Booth infiltrates an underground poker game despite being a gambling addict and the rest of the Jeffersonian team try to tell him that's stupid. What fun!

Strap on your best set of bones, get a tall glass of bone juice (milk), and prepare for the wild ride that is Fox's Bones! Van makes Spencer and Brian wade through the Jeffersonian Institute, where noted bone expert Temperance "Bones" Brennan works to identify... well... bones. Of course along the way we're introduced to a tiny annoying man who says he has a lot of money, the Angelatron, Gormogon'...

Not a day goes by that a chicken witch doesn't try to get me to direct her to moss street by the old quarry and they always want to repay you with wishes. For some reason Goosebumps, based on the popular kid's books of the same name thought this was just too good of an idea to pass up for their next show plot so here we are talking basketball, mean Canadian children, and the most complicated but e...

Do you like knowing when it is? Is your little sister a master of manipulation and quite possibly the most evil creature to have ever been born? Are you a Canadian theater actor just looking for your big break? If you've answered 'yes' to any of these questions (or 'no,' we're not picky) then this episode of the Boob Tube Boys is for you! Spencer takes Van and Brian on a trip to the past as the fe...

We need a bit more time to finish up with the 43rd Annual Boobies Awards episode, so you finally get to hear this gem! This is an episode we recorded several months ago prior to Van's near death experience, and with Goosebumps coming up soon there's no better time than now to get spooky! Spencer, Brian, and Van decided rather than find some really poorly written Creepy Pastas on the web to read th...

The Boob Tubers are still enjoying their time with Nickelodeon's '90s game show for kids, the immortal Legends of the Hidden Temple. This time around, they're discussing season three episode 14, "The Mystical Spellbook of the Imperial Wizard." Look, it's not necessarily a cool, Gandalf-type wizard the show offers up, but game show host Kirk Fogg's passive aggressive needling of 12-year-olds more t...

After being cursed by a vengeful shadow spirit, the Boys of Boob Tube enter an ancient Mayan Temple governed by an omniscient stone head. To put it more clearly, Brian, Van and Spencer are discussing the golden era Nickelodeon game show Legends of the Hidden Temple! This week they're talkin' season two episode 12, "The Stone Head of the Evil King," which really should have just been called "Clash...

If you thought last week's trip back into reality television was bad, you are in for quite the surprise. Van once again brings Brian and Spencer into the 90 Day Fiancé fold as they move ahead a few years and check back in with Karine and Paul, now in the beautiful U.S. of A! Of course there are also new couples along for the ride including Jabba the Hutt and Michael, the Chicken and the Moldovan,...

If you're the kind of person that sits around and thinks "gee I wish I could watch a handful of awful, awful people pretend to be in love with a complete stranger" then have we got the show for you! Van mercilessly forces Brian and Spencer to check out one of 90 Day Faincé's spin-off series; Before the 90 Days. It's here that they meet a couple of elderly men passive-agressively fighting over a yo...