Black Men Unlearning

***CONTENT WARNING*** This episode includes discussion of self-harm. Please feel free to not engage with the episode if this subject matter is not in alignment with where you are in your journey right now. It’s ok to take care of yourself. On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss the mental health crisis we’re facing in the United States and the particular challenges Black men face in dealing with...

On this episode of BMU, the guys celebrate the 3rd year of BMU with the first women to join the podcast, their friends Kyra Jones and Jonee Perry. The group discusses the nuances of platonic friendships between straight men and women, the foundations of their beliefs about who gets to be friends, and their models for friendship between men and women. The episode includes stories about their parent...

On this episode of BMU, the guys explore our romanticization of relationships and how those narratives fail us in practice. They revisit the foundations of what they learned about seeking relationships from elders as young men, consider how media shaped their expectations of how relationships would play out in their lives, and detail the internal work we all need to do to show up well in relations...

On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss Black rage in the context of James Baldwin’s famous quote, “to be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a state of rage almost all of the time…” Their discussion probes the value of rage, our desire to dispel rage without offering it legitimacy, and what it means to accept that folks have a right to be angry. They explore the di...

On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss the dangers of disconnecting ourselves from our emotions. They consider the ways we learn that our emotions aren’t worthy of time and attention and how much of our orientation to our emotional responses is connected to generational grief. The conversation includes reflections on the cost of abandoning empathy, the need for us to bear each other’s burdens, a...

On this episode of BMU, Dr. Derrick Tillman-Kelly joins the podcast to talk about how his identity as a queer Black man has shaped his relationships with straight Black men. The guys discuss the importance of the language used to discuss queer identities and its capacity to create division and undermine queer folks' safety. They also discuss the fallacies of anti-LGBTQ sentiments in the Black...

On this episode of BMU, the guys contend with the consequences of putting your head down to push through hard things at the expense of trusting how we feel. How do we know when pushing through isn't the answer? How do we know when it’s time to make a change? During the conversation, the guys contend with what moves us to escapism, the coping trap, and the challenge of hearing ourselves.

On this, the 50th episode of BMU, the guys return from their holiday hiatus with a story to tell… well, stories to talk about. Their discussion considers the significance of the narratives we share about ourselves, the narrative structures we value and accept, whose narratives we regard as true, and the trouble of choosing sides when we have limited information. Jonathan Majors’ repeated invocatio...

On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss the release of André 3000’s new album, New Blue Sun. They discuss 3000’s anxieties around dropping new raps and their uneasiness about the mixed reactions to the news that NBS would be a flute album. Their conversation considers the implications of our expectations of art and the artists of whom we call ourselves fans, evaluates our entitlement to critique...

On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss the contradictions they live into when going through seasons of transition. Seasons of focus require discipline that can challenge our ability to balance striving and staying connected. Their discussion explores the challenges with viewing themselves as more than the sum of their accomplishments, and our attempt to balance the truth of the solitude that som...

On this episode of BMU, the guys are joined by Olatunde Osinaike, and preview his forthcoming book Tender Headed . Kyle and Edwin offer their impressions of the poetry as Olatunde shares how his experiences brought him to this work. The discussion centers the nuances of masculinity and manhood, being in process, and the overlap of their STEM educations and identities as creatives. Olatunde Osinaik...

On this episode of BMU, the guys welcome the podcast's first guest, Dr. Chris Travers, to discuss the work and nuance of establishing and maintaining friendship as Black men. Using examples from the friendship the three of them share, Kyle, Edwin, and Chris highlight the need to practice vulnerability, deal with our insecurities with honesty, and risk rejection, tension, and conflict to grow t...

On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss the rise of Coach Prime and his program at the University of Colorado, asserting that we can both enjoy the entertainment and be critical of his methods. The discussion includes assessments of his time at Jackson State and the rhetoric he used to characterize his experience as he departed, thoughts about the Primetime/Coach Prime persona, and more. An impro...

On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss the curious connections between romantic relationships and capitalism. Acknowledging that they are no one's relationship experts, they discuss the ways we've woven capitalism into our dating choices and wonder if swiping left and right, dating for marriage, and prioritizing entertainment in relationships are best practices for getting what we say we...

On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss their reasons for moving away from defining themselves as good guys. Their conversation unpacks their past motivations for identifying this way, the fallacies built into the good guy motif, and the ways they ultimately learned to leave that role behind. "Really, Bruh?" considers the value of our reactions to the recent Keke Palmer/Darius Daulton f...

On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss their beliefs about having game and its value. The discussion considers their earliest experiences with attraction, where and how they learned to get romantic attention from women, and whether game is inherently deceptive. "Really, Bruh?!" returns because the Supreme Court is wildin'.

On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss their perspectives of aging as Black men in their late thirties. Their discussion includes questions about how our society really feels about getting older, the motivations for our routines and healthy habits, and their thoughts about their own mortality.

***TRIGGER WARNING: Minute 62:00 contains a retelling of a scene from the movie Crash and describes a depiction of sexual assault. On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss the difficulties we experience moving through and dealing with anger. Their discussion considers how they first learned to engage with their anger, how poorly we're equipped to process it, its usefulness, and share thoughts...

On this episode of BMU, the guys share their thoughts about not yet having biological children. Their discussion reviews their socialization to the role of fatherhood in their conceptions of their manhood, pervasive discussions about the importance of time and money in being able to family plan, and how their lives are different than the ones they would have imagined for themselves in their 20s.

On this episode of BMU, the guys celebrate the podcast's second anniversary by going back to the beginning and reflecting on the lessons learned along the way. Kyle and Edwin talk about how the podcast's slow start, their favorite moments, and the things they're yet in the process of unlearning.

On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss their reactions to the domestic violence allegations against Jonathan Majors. They work through the cultural context of the allegations, the importance of our reactions, our juxtaposition to celebrity, and the difficulties encountered when attempting to respond in a way that builds the kind of world we all want to live in.

On this episode of BMU, the guys discuss the value of selfishness. Their conversation considers how they learned that selfishness was unacceptable, how those lessons grew into "good guy" behavior and its attendant expectations, and they wonder whether selflessness is an ideal we should even aspire to. "Really, Bruh?" is back with a play-by-play of the reactions to a "punch...

On this episode of BMU, the guys answer an email from a listener about forgiveness. Their answer flows into a larger discussion about how we learn the process of forgiveness, navigating conflict in non-avoidant ways, and understanding what motivates us to forgive. 

On this episode of BMU, the guys explore the challenges of having hard conversations. They unpack their early experience discussing difficult topics with family and the ways people pleasing can tempt us to embrace false peace and put off healthy conflict. Michael B. Jordan headlines our "Really, Bruh?" segment.

The guys are back with a pre-Valentine's Day discussion about attraction and arousal. This episode considers the difference between the two, whether we should be pursuing one or both, and how our society is designed to bias us toward quick fixes.