Bill's Big Bag of Onions

There’s certainly one thing that everyone can agree about the seminal 1982 film “Koyaanisqatsi” - a Native American word meaning ‘life out of balance’ - featuring only stunning visual images and mesmerizing motion picture sequences: no words, no characters, and no narrative…we can all agree that there could NEVER EVER be a radio version of the film. Except, there now is. This show features the mus...

Aesop loved, and knew, his onions, writing over a thousand fables about the Allium Cepa, as well as running the first burger bar in the whole of ancient Athens that served fried onion rings. In celebration of the ancient storyteller, who also made theworld’s first Onion based anti-perspirant, here are a whole bunch of Onions in one of Bills Big Bags, with each linked mysteriously, yet appositely,...

Featuring 100-word scarcely-a-story offerings written by: Sarah Freely, Pamela Ennis, Amy L. Bethke, Jo Coldwell, B.A. Williams, Iqbal, Zavinia Orlossky, Jake Becker, Marianne Rossant, Giorgio Adalopoulos, Santian Vataj, John Davis, Kathy Fish, Jeelan, JSP Jacobs, Carol Ennis, Harry Voge, Steve Gow, Nil Yeshil, Yvonne Pini, and Michael Micky-Lidis. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

In this show, our Onionistas seemed to be unsure of whether the theme was ‘Isn’t This World Enough?’ …or… ‘Aren’t These Onions Enough?’ Either way, the answers are.“yes” and “no”, respectively, although this may not be made clear by the content of the show. Featuring 100-word scarcely-a-story offerings written by: Sue Beer, Susan Low, Clare Kemsley, Jenny Miller, Angela Cairns, Jo Kerr, Daphne But...

In this show, our intrepid a-hundred-word’s-all-you’re-getting Onionistas try cogitating such things as the bleak prospects of a decrepit highwayman, besieging Troy in your 70s (metaphorically, of course) and the indignity of hair sprouting from all orifices. Featuring teeny-weeny micro-fictions written by Clare Kemsley, Sue Beer, Phil Boast, John Dew, Pat Blosse, Rob Lewis, Paul Hooper, Toni Peer...

Here are forty four entirely interconnected previously-broadcast Onions that have been outsourced to a Cayman Islands holding company and then leased back to Colne Radio in one of the most audaciously ingenious tax deduction schemes ever seen in British third-tier radio after which the unwitting Onionistas – aside from Bill Lawrance himself, of course – now find that they have not only effectively...

In this show, our one-hundred-words-is-all-we-write Onionistas trot out scantily described scenarios about neglected guitars, illicit alcohol in Saudi Arabia, and Jane Austen’s outdoor khazi. Featuring remarkably low word quantity scribbling by KT Eden, Jake Becker, Sam Buru, John Dew, Rob Lewis, Phil Boast, Ian Hornett, Maggie Matheson, Tim Aston, Geoffrey Chiswell-Greene, Sue Beer, Bartholomew C...

In this show, our low-word-count Onionistas try tickling tales of autonomous flatulence, uninvited Vikings, and the decline of shipping barges. Featuring suspiciously fleeting screeds written by Ian Crimm, Sam Buru, John Dew, Rob Lewis, Phil Boast, Ian Hornett, Geoffrey Chiswell-Greene, Sue Beer, Bartholomew Crabbs, Brenda Bonzer, Sally Wazey, Ruth Hamilton, Pat Blosse, and Minnie Ardo. With Adria...

In this show, our rebellious rabble of Onionistas tackle scintillating subjects like inadvertently disinhibited Hamlet, unwelcome expressions of affection, and deceptively named racehorses. Featuring bewilderingly succinct yarns written by Tim Aston, Sue Beer, John Dew, Pat Blosse, Rob Lewis, Susan Low, Ian Hornett, Tim Morgan, Phil Boast, Sebastian Tombs, Ruth Hamilton, Joanne Abberton, Angela Ca...

These independence-minded onions will always find a way… a lovely listen, and quite unique. Beautiful onions in a warm soup of brilliant stories. There’s nothing more to say… with Adian Coen & Yvonne Pini.

In this show, our motley crew of Onionistas tackle stolid topics like owls, bots, and poo bags. Featuring uncommonly short bits of writing by Angela Cairns, Clare Kemsley, John Dew, Paul Hooper, Sue Beer, Masaki Dew, Lis Edwards, Ian Hornett, Ruth Hamilton, Toni Peers, Harriet Peers, Eli Morrison, Pat Blosse, and Phil Boast. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini.

In this show, our doughty troupe of Onionistas tackle weighty topics like magic mushrooms, chronic adultery, and fizzy pop. Featuring unusually brief bits of writing by Rob Lewis, Sue Beer, Pat Blosse, Paul Hooper, Bill Lawrance, Brandon Louis Mayer, Jake Becker, Jenny Miller, Ian Hornett, John Dew, Tim Aston, Clare Kemsley, Ian Sayers and Phil Boast. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini.

Written and curated by Ian Hornett, this ia a heart warming, funny and engaging story. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

“Irene’s Birthday Party” was written and curated by Bill Lawrance. Meet the family as they celebrate Irene’s 100th birthday. With your slice of cake are schemes, secrets, surprises, and a snake. With Adrian Coen & Yvonne Pini

“Istanbul Onions” was commissioned and curated by Jenny Miller. There will be no need to visit the city of Istanbul once you have listened to this show, and this may be the reason why the Turkish Tourist Board has lobbied so hard to have the show cancelled. Featuring Onions penned by Istanbul residents Dominique Renaudin, Tim Hallam, Brandon Mayer, H., Nil Yeshil, Jomathan Smith, Graham Alexander,...

What is it exactly with The Old House? Written by Phil Boast. Featuring Yvonne Pini and Adrian Coen

The perfect end to Series 4, with a retrospective of 100-word stories, mixed with undeservedly unfamiliar music to make soundscapes that entertain, beguile and absorb. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini - and the great Onionistas, our writers. Slacker with the Bag: Bill Lawrance

Seasons Onions, to eat at any time of the Year! 100-word stories, mixed with undeservedly unfamiliar music to make soundscapes that entertain, beguile and absorb. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini - and the great Onionistas, our writers. Slacker with the Bag: Bill Lawrance

Xceedingly Xciting, these Xcellent onions are 100-word stories, mixed with undeservedly unfamiliar music to make soundscapes that entertain, beguile and absorb. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini - and the great Onionistas, our writers. Slacker with the Bag: Bill Lawrance

All cleaned and rerady for your ears, these are more 100-word stories, mixed with undeservedly unfamiliar music to make soundscapes that entertain, beguile and absorb. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini - and the great Onionistas, our writers. Slacker with the Bag: Bill Lawrance

They’re tasty tasty, very very tasty, they’re VERY tasty 100-word stories, mixed with undeservedly unfamiliar music to make soundscapes that entertain, beguile and absorb. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini - and the great Onionistas, our writers. Slacker with the Bag: Bill Lawrance

Not available on any other radio station! The are 100-word stories, mixed with undeservedly unfamiliar music to make soundscapes that entertain, beguile and absorb. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini - and the great Onionistas, our writers. Slacker with the Bag: Bill Lawrance

Late night snack, or breakfast delight, here are more 100-word stories, mixed with undeservedly unfamiliar music to make soundscapes that entertain, beguile and absorb. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini - and the great Onionistas, our writers. Slacker with the Bag: Bill Lawrance

Slowly releasing all their lovely flavours, are these 100-word onions, mixed with undeservedly unfamiliar music to make soundscapes that entertain, beguile and absorb. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini - and the great Onionistas, our writers. Slacker with the Bag: Bill Lawrance

Right tasty 100-word stories, mixed with undeservedly unfamiliar music to make soundscapes that entertain, beguile and absorb. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini - and the great Onionistas, our writers. Slacker with the Bag: Bill Lawrance