Bible Stories for Atheists

Previous version of this episode was sped up. This should be better. Revelation starts heating up with the Four Horsemen, the Seven Seals, and the 144,000. There's probably more to say. I could talk about how funny we are, but that would be vain. I could talk about how funny you are, but that would be pandering. Maybe we could just pretend I had more interesting things to say here.  You know...

We finally dig into the book of Revelation! I'd say more but I'm posting this late and screw it I'm just getting this posted. Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

In our exploration of the evolution of the end times through the bible we have breached the thin gossamer layer betwixt the testaments old and slightly less old. So we're talking about Jesus stuff again. What did Paul, who was writing decades before the first gospel was written, think was going to happen in the end times? And also, sure, what did the gospels say? And also, sure, what do we th...

Better late than never! Here's the rest of the book of Daniel in all it's "glory".  Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

We start the book of Daniel. A book full of meaningful insights into what it means to think of the mind of God... or some confusing bullshit that made people feel smart by buying a scroll instead of giving a hungry guy some food. Oh yeah, just the fact they bought the scroll that the bible is based on pisses me off now. This is how militant atheism starts! The writers of Daniel pretended to forete...

Ok folks. We've said it before, but we really mean it this time, this is going to be a messed up one.  We're covering the book of Ezekiel and it is NOT light reading. It is weird. It is violent. It is a little kinky.  Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

Happy Mother's day! To celebrate, we continue digging into the end times by going through the book of Isaiah. How does this book define the end times? There is probably more to say about this episode but it's not coming to me so here we are. By the way, we recorded these first few episodes a little while ago. We don't mention it but we are seeing your messages and comments welcoming...

We're back! And we're going through the bible books chronologically from when they were written to see how the concept of "THE END TIMES" evolves. Because, big surprise, the bible is very inconsistent with what "THE END TIMES" means.  In this episode we cover the books of Amos, Hosea, and Micah and we try to figure out what "the day of the lord" is supposed...

What's up! We just wanted to check in for no particular reason whatsoever. Definitely doesn't have to do with the fist of christian nationalist fascism choking the puppy of democracy.  Where do we go from here? What role, if any, does this show have in the discussion? Does Josh's voice give you the naughty tingles? All these questions and more will be asked and answered and promptly...

Welcome to the season finale! Creation is over and it's all down hill from here. We find out that Abraham wasn't the best dad. At least until he gets his son laid! That's the best way to make up for the whole sacrifice thing. Thank you for listening! Hopefully you learned something, even if it was how much of dumbasses we are. We'll be back soon, eventually, sometime. Get regis...

You think you have it hard? You think you have bad neighbors? You think you have family problems?  Well, I'm Lot. A mild mannered sodomite that never bothered anyone. And I was a proud sodomite. I sought to unite sodomites in love and acceptance! To reject all the awful crap God told us to do to people. That's what us sodomites are known for. Radical love and acceptance of all. Until a c...

Sorry, in a rush this week. You'll have to make up your own funny quips and pretend they're in this description.  On this week's episode: - Tower of Babel - We meet Abram/Abraham - A big piece of evidence that Moses didn't write Genesis. - The War of the Nine Kings - And we read an email from friend of the show, Dwight For the flood story with the sources highlighted, check out...

Have you given YOUR firstlings to the Lord? If you don't, your brother might and then where will you be? No regard from the Lord. How are you going to make it in this world without the Lord's regard? You'll end up stripping at Jezaballs for Chucky Cheese tokens! And we let the flood pour over us. Turns out there are two completely different flood stories in the bible and most people...

In the beginning, we'll lay out the building blocks of our 6000 year old universe. And explain that hard, blue shell up there that gets dark at night when you can see the holes in it, or what "NASA" calls "stars". And we talk about the first people. The lab rats in this odd experiment gone horribly infallible. Turns out not knowing right and wrong leads to sinning. Now tha...

New 5 episode series coming every Sunday starting August 4th. We'll be covering the first half of Genesis. Insert witty jokes here. Too much crap to do today to do it myself.  Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

Hey folks! For our episode today we're changing things up. We're going to be switching to a more "seasonal" model. The plan is we'll get a few episodes lined up around a theme and put them out weekly. So that's the plan, but you should still listen to the episode because we're really funny when we explain it. Like funnier than I was when I just explained it, whic...

This is a special episode with two special guests. Ministers Bendr Bones and Luis Cypher, co-heads of the Satanic Temple - West Michigan. Recently, they made news by having the AUDACITY to deliver the opening invocation at an Ottawa County board meeting. And when the Ottawa County board were forced to allow the invocation local Christians lost their damn minds. Invocation Video: https://www.youtub...

We read a selection of Psalms suggested by AI to figure out if this ancient book of songs holds up to the hype. It doesn't. Despite Josh's warnings that we might find the material repetitive and dull, we plunge ahead with open minds, only to discover that the Psalms are boring as Pshit.  I don't have anything more to say about it. Why don't YOU have something to say about it?!...

The kingdom of Israel splits into two separate nations after the death of King Solomon. His son Rehoboam ascends to the throne and when the people ask him to not be a dick like his dad. But his friends goad him into doubling down on his dickishness. He should have listened to Nancy Reagan and just said no to peer pressure! So Jeroboam comes back from Egypt to take control of the northern kingdom o...

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

David FINALLY kicks the bucket, but before he does, the good, upright King David, who loved and obeyed God unlike any other king, gives his son a kill list. And boy does Solomon tick off those boxes with gusto. It's a bloody start to the peaceful reign of Solomon. Solomon who had to be the one to build the temple because of all the bloodshed by his father. Weird...  God grants Solomon a wish...

“Was the Gospel of John Changed to Suppress Mary Magdalene?” by ReligionForBreakfast – https://youtu.be/rfy6oiB_U-A Crucifying Tony Stark – https://youtu.be/V9_AeLmuRKc?t=120 Turns out Jesus wants us to #TaxTheRich! At least that’s what he tells some Pharisee’s who try to trap him by asking one question and giving up. Also, Jesus is asked important questions such as if a woman clearly kills 7 brot...

We kick off 1 Kings by only talking about the first chapter. We've heard the Chronicles' version of Solomon becoming king but now we'll learn the King's version which is very different. The Succession drama is real as David gets sickly and curls up with a pretty young virgin. His oldest son for some reason thinks he's going to be the next king and tries to gather support b...

Oh boy! Is this a great episode if you love vague quantities of precious metals and stones. And the names! Oh the names of it all! We're blowing through the ingredients for a temple and plowing right into Solomon skipping the line to be king and David dying. All completely without incident. At least according to the book of Chronicles. Oh yeah! And the bible talks about aliens! We're pre...

We dig elbow deep into a steaming pile of contradictions, curiosities, and constipated commentary. The unerring bible seems to glitch out on us. The all knowing, all powerful author had an apparent brain fart. 2 Samuel 24 and 1 Chronicles 21 tell the same story but with some pretty significant differences. Like for example, if the bible is in fact perfect, we are left with the only obvious conclus...