Beyond Pronatalism | Finding fulfillment, with or without kids

Nathan knew from a young age that he never wanted children, a resolve that only got stronger as he woke up to pronatalism in college. Now in his late 30s and in a committed childfree relationship, Nathan values the freedom that being childfree allows him — from reflecting in solitude and going on long bike rides with his partner, to enriching his political awareness and writing about social justic...

Raised in Greece by progressive, highly educated parents, Elisa felt little pressure to become a mother and ultimately chose a childfree life shaped by concerns for her own mental health and the future of life on Earth. We explore her work on ecological grief and why society often overlooks grief related to environmental loss and the death of companion animals. Dedicated to the protection of anima...

As the oldest child, Erich spent much of his youth caring for younger siblings and cousins, and that experience squashed any 'parental instinct' he might have had. Repeatedly denied a vasectomy as a young adult, he endured years of frustration and several pregnancy scares before finally receiving the procedure that brought him lasting peace of mind. By his mid-thirties, Erich concluded that he pre...

Raised in a chaotic and violent household, poet Molly Peacock knew from a young age that she didn't want to be a mother. Escaping the trauma that surrounded her, she developed a rich, internal world of poetic imagination fed by voracious reading and writing that would lead to her decades-long career as a poet, biographer, and essayist. An accidental pregnancy at age 38 led Molly to affirm her chil...

After watching her parents struggle raising her and her siblings and experiencing similar challenges with extensive babysitting in her youth, Jenn knew that she didn't want children. But cultural narratives made her believe that motherhood was mandatory, pushing her to become engaged to a person who wanted children and wasn't right for her. Two years later, realizing that she was unwilling to comp...

Raised in a religious and pronatalist French family, author-illustrator Emma Duval (also known as Millennial Emma) knew from a young age that she did not want children. Discovering an online childfree community in early adulthood gave her the language and sense of belonging she needed to embrace the childfree choice and resist the pronatalist pressures from family and religion. Her book Unwed and...

Raised in a violent home by an alcoholic and regretful mother and mostly absent father, Steve knew from an early age that he did not want to become a parent. His journey as a young man from the U.S. to Venezuela led him to found a family planning organization serving rural women, work that brought him both purpose and healing. His choice to be childfree and vegan reflects enduring concerns about o...

Raised in the dominant culture that equates fulfillment with marriage and children, social scientist and author of Single at Heart , Bella DePaulo, came to recognize that living single was her most authentic and joyful life path. Over decades of research, writing, teaching, and community organizing, she has challenged the harmful stereotypes and systemic biases faced by single people, while elevat...

Growing up on military bases in a traditional family with traditional expectations, comedian and author Lisa Rimmert always assumed she would have children. But the desire to become a mother never came. After weighing the choice with her husband, they realized that simply "not wanting children" was reason enough, and they found great clarity and freedom in the decision. Now in her early 40s, child...

After surviving sexual violence at age 13 in Indonesia and receiving little support from authorities, Dina Chaerani dedicated her life to advocating for survivors and promoting comprehensive sexuality education. Now living childfree with her partner in the Netherlands, she still faces intense family and social pressure in Indonesia to conform to traditional expectations of marriage and motherhood....

Parker had known since he was young that he didn't want children, a choice his parents fully supported. However, his request to get a vasectomy at 18 was denied by most medical professionals on the basis of his age. After a lengthy deliberation process, one clinic agreed to perform the procedure on the condition that he freeze his sperm. Now 22, Parker chats about the relief he and his partner fee...

Raised in Peru in a loving family, Sabrina felt affirmed early on in her desire to not have children. But, after moving to Portugal in her 30s, she faced a lot of societal judgment about her decision to remain childfree. With support from her partner and inspiration from the stories she's heard on the Beyond Pronatalism podcast, Sabrina is now building a supportive childfree community in Porto. ht...

Raised within pronatalist rural Midwestern US, Sarah experienced an accidental pregnancy while serving in the Peace Corps and chose to have an abortion. Feeling ashamed and lonely, she turned to the healing power of nature by hiking the Appalachian Trail and found the courage to write a book and speak publicly about her abortion experience. A decade later, Sarah remains grateful for her abortion,...

Mike and Nandita met in a philosophy class in Toronto. Nandita was trying to break out of the traditional cultural norms of her Indian upbringing. Mike was dissatisfied by the hyper-consumerist norms of his culture. With shared values around environmentalism, minimalism, and philosophy, they instantly connected — a connection that soon blossomed into a relationship. A transformative conversation a...

Growing up in the Soviet Union, Diana felt intense pressure to both excel professionally and become a mother. As a young adult focused on her academic and professional path, her parents' unrelenting pressures for grandchildren left her feeling angry and betrayed. Her rebellion led her to create a multi-media project about regretful mothers titled Undo Motherhood . An accidental pregnancy followed...

Christine grew up in a rural community in midwestern U.S., fearing teen pregnancy and sensing early on that motherhood didn't appeal to her - as she longed to broaden her horizons through education and travel. After an abusive marriage and a long, difficult divorce, she felt both relief that she hadn't become a parent in that relationship and grief that the choice was no longer hers. Today, Christ...

Growing up Lucy assumed she'd follow the traditional path of marriage and motherhood but, as she grew older, she found herself increasingly questioning the dominant cultural script. Despite a brief period of intense broodiness, she realized that the single, childfree life gave her the freedom, peace, and purpose that she craved.  Today, through her Thrive Solo podcast and book , Lucy empowers othe...

Distraught by her infertility diagnosis, Pamela pursued the IVF pathway. A decade of costly and painful failed fertility treatments left Pamela traumatized. Determined to expose the exploitative and dangerously pronatalist practices of the highly unregulated multi-billion dollar fertility industry and to bring together other IVF survivors, she founded the "silent sorority" community and the ReproT...

Mandy, a Singaporean teacher of Indian descent, entered an arranged marriage where her decision to remain childfree was first accepted but later challenged by her Indian husband and in-laws. Pressured to have children and provide a dowry, she risked the stigma of divorce rather than compromise her values. Today, Mandy lives happily childfree, courageously embracing a life true to her authentic sel...

Rebecca grew up homeschooled in a patriarchal American family, later serving as a Marine, attending university, and traveling the world. Bound by the shared trauma and values of their upbringing, Rebecca remained very close to her sister. Awakening to feminism and the planetary crisis together, they both decided to not have children. Today, Rebecca and her sister live together as each other's chos...

Raised in a conservative Indian family, Sneha knew from an early age that she didn't want to have a biological child. As a teen she discovered her queer identity, and in her twenties Sneha made the difficult but liberating decision to leave her parents' house and hometown. Sneha has rejected the patriarchal expectations of procreation and marriage and embraced her own path - filled with strong fri...

At age 27 Elena is diagnosed with an advanced cancerous brain tumor. As she confronts this life-changing and grief-filled reality, she also wrestles with the question of whether to bring a child into the world - balancing her love for children and the future she once imagined against her understanding of ecological overshoot, pronatalist pressures, and the profound uncertainties of life itself. ht...

From a very early age Pip sensed she didn't want children, and a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure at 15 confirmed that path. As she grew older, Pip found herself desperately searching for the perfect partner to complete her. A chance conversation blew open the door regarding societal expectations around relationships, sex, and conventional measures of success. Childfree, single, and celibate...

Growing up in rural England, Joe knew early in life that he didn't want children and felt a deep connection to the natural world. While navigating pressures to conform to "normal" life, he lost that connection in his 20s. Now, alongside his partner, he's built a purposeful childfree life rooted in love for nonhumans — founding and managing an ecocentric journal called The Ecological Citizen and wo...

Originally from Pakistan and now based in Canada, Sonia and Aamer met as adults. They decided together that they wanted to become parents, but were also deeply concerned about the environment. After spending a few years carefully weighing their emotional and financial readiness, environmental values, and desire for parenthood, they chose to have one child. Right after the birth of their son, they...