Better Mind, Better Life!

If I had to pick one thing that I knew for SURE you and I both had in common—along with every other person we know—I’d probably say this: We’re all losers. I don’t mean that in a harsh way. I mean that we’ve all experienced what it feels like to lose. Repeatedly. Even the people we think of as “winners” have most likely lost far more often than they’ve won. And losing can be tough. But what matter...

If you want to do things like improve your performance, learn faster, be happier, be more creative, and be five times more productive (on average!), then maybe you should give some thought to the conditions that will enable you to accomplish this seemingly superhuman feat.  And, believe it or not, it isn't complicated! In this episode of Better Mind, Better Life, I'll go over the research and...

What does it take to “make it,” to be successful? Honestly, there are probably tens of thousands of unique definitions from countless numbers of books and lectures throughout history. The trick is knowing WHERE to look, and WHAT to look for. I’ve done some digging for you, and I’ve found some gold inspired by the work of Dr. Graham Jones. Dr. Jones is a former Professor of Elite Performance Psycho...

I saw a post on Instagram recently titled “60-minute self-care” that had 5 simple ways that you and I can take care of ourselves in just an hour a day. It was a good post. I liked it. I even saved it to my phone. But as I read through the tons of comments on the post, I saw plenty of people adding their own thoughts about something they personally would include on the list. And I was struck by how...

Recently, New York Times Bestselling Author and Leadership Expert, Michael Hyatt, made the following comment on his LinkedIn profile. He said: “Speaking out takes courage. You will never grow into the leader you were meant to be if you are not willing to take a risk and occasionally speak up. Being a suck-up will not get you promoted. Being courageous eventually will—so long as it’s done in the ri...

Everyone feels angry from time to time: it’s a natural emotion and it’s always situational. But, just because anger is natural doesn’t make it healthy or helpful. Some plants, although 100% natural, are deadly poisonous. Anger can also be deadly, and controlling it is almost always not just important, but critical. Of course, anger isn't necessarily a 'bad' emotion; it can be useful in the right c...

I recently heard a “success coach” say we have no self-control, our willpower sucks, and thinking we have discipline is delusional. He even said willpower is a "terrorist" that must be fought against. He suggested an "all-powerful alternative," which, ironically, requires willpower to execute. The research is voluminous: willpower is absolutely critical—especially at the beginning—to any and every...

Ever heard of the "hot-cold empathy gap"? It's a concept in psychology that was first identified by renowned Carnegie Mellon psychologist, George Lowenstein. It describes our tendency to subconsciously reference our current feelings and attitudes to try and predict how we might behave in the future . Spoiler alert: Our prediction skills aren't that good. In other words, the "hot-cold empathy gap"...

Every year, me and my sons watch the 1996 movie Independence Day starring Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum. It's a fun tradition that we just never get tired of. But there is one scene in the movie that always used to confuse me. After the alien ship blows up Los Angeles, there's a scene where Jasmine, played by Vivica A. Fox, is surveying the aftermath. Everything is leveled and charred. Everything,...

Google the word "anxiety" and you'll probably get—like I did—302 MILLION results. That's a lot of talk about anxiety. You may even see that anxiety is “very common, with more than 3 million US cases PER YEAR.” In fact, search trends for the word anxiety have risen steadily from a search score of 30/100 in 2009 to 100/100 in March 2021.  As someone who is "anxiety-prone," I've had to learn how...

In 2008, Dr. David Rock of the NeuroLeadership Institute developed a "brain-based model for collaborating with and influencing others." The model is based on neuroscience research that implies there are five very specific areas of the human social experience that influence our behavior by activating either our brain's reward or threat circuits. And when it comes to interacting with others, doing t...

When I was in my early twenties, someone introduced me to the idea of the 'sandwich approach' to communication—an approach that is apparently hotly contested. Who knew? Certainly not me ... until a few years ago. So whether you are familiar with it or not, whether you regularly use it or avoid it like the plague, I've had a "revelation" about this method that I think you'll find both interesting a...

This is the third and final episode in a special miniseries titled The “A–R–T” (ART) of Everyday Diplomacy. If the GOAL of diplomacy is to “Think WIN/WIN,” as Stephen Covey would say, then achieving that goal is where the ART comes in. In the first episode, we looked at the letter A, which is the value of Active listening, why hearing and listening are NOT the same, and some practical ways to beco...

We’re in the midst of a special miniseries titled The A.R.T. of [Everyday] Diplomacy. Some of the biggest stumbles I’ve had in my life—both personal and professional—were the times when I failed to be diplomatic in tenuous situations, so I thought this series could be helpful to you as well.  The GOAL of diplomacy—in most if not all cases—is to “Think WIN/WIN,” as Stephen Covey says in The 7...

Some of the biggest stumbles I’ve had in my life—both personal and professional—were the times when I failed to be diplomatic in tenuous situations. But have you ever *REALLY* thought about what it means to be diplomatic, to behave LIKE a diplomat? Until recently, I had not. So I did some research, and painfully compared what I was learning to what I already knew from my own past failures. One of...

I recently had a real "A-HA!" moment that I want to share with you, a realization that for me was both extremely simple and elementary, but also seriously profound: NOTHING is impervious to change. A rushing stream or river can wear away their banks and beds to become massive canyons that are miles long and even hundreds of feet deep. Wind can blow sand into towering dunes 1,300 feet high or turn...

It’s fairly common these days to hear people talk about toxic thought patterns living deep inside our brains and how these toxic thoughts can impact our lives. But what I DON’T hear people talking about is the role that music can play in both creating and combatting toxic strongholds. And once you understand the science, you'll realize that may be one of the most overlooked mistakes we make in reg...

When it comes to making sure you stick the landing—oftentimes your results come down to how well you are able to control yourself when you get put to the test. But as you've probably already figured out, self-control can be a monumental task at times. Everyone has at least one area of life that seems to be a constant struggle. Most of us have multiple areas of weakness. But what if the problem isn...

Developmental psychologists say that babies don’t have what we would think of as self-awareness until somewhere around 18 months. When they look in a mirror, they see another baby, not themselves. Same with most animals. But eventually, we figure out that what we are seeing is really ourselves, and—interestingly enough—that's also where the hard work of self-control begins. In some classic experim...

When we lose a loved one, the pain we experience can feel overwhelming, confusing, and truly unbearable. With such a roller coaster of emotional responses, we can find ourselves wondering if the pain will ever end. Add to that the fact that grief is messy, complicated, and extremely personal: Those messy emotional experiences just can’t be tucked into neat, linear stages. But they can be recognize...

If you were to randomly ask 10 people whether making decisions would deplete their willpower and make them vulnerable to temptation, most of them would probably say no, or, at least, not that they know of... Yet the reality is that decision fatigue is very real, and it influences the behavior of me, you, and everyone you know, every day. Sadly, though, few of us are even aware of it. And that’s a...

Psychologists, coaches, and pretty much anyone involved in human improvement all seem to agree: The first step in anything that involves self-control (which means practically everything) is to set clear goals. But here’s the interesting thing about that: Setting goals isn’t really a problem for most people. We all have goals, even the least disciplined among us. So, the problem for most of us, res...

According to Dr. Roy Baumeister, author of WILLPOWER: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength , in their early eagerness to chart the brain as the human equivalent of computers chips and circuits, most psychologists had neglected one mundane but essential part of the machine: the power cord. In a computer, chips and circuit boards are useless without a source of energy. And so is the brain. Rese...

In today's world, where temptations, distractions, and opportunities to stumble can make us feel like we are in an endless obstacle race, it can seem as if our willpower is under constant siege, and at times, non-existent. But, we have more tools available than we know. In this episode, I take a look at just some of the abundant science behind willpower. SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW to make sure you never mis...

It seems like everywhere we turn these days, someone somewhere is passing judgment. And it really doesn't matter if it is about something serious or ridiculous: that judgment can be really painful. So we work overtime to create and keep a space that is "free of judgment, negativity and draining energy"? But is that really the most productive solution? I think surfers may know the answer! Please SU...