Beth Broderick: Wit and Wisdom for the Ages from the Aged Podcast

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick I made time, which is not easy, as my not-so-subtle workaholic tendencies always put up quite the argument. Yes, I should have stayed home and worked on the many projects that are crying out for my attention. Yes, there are lists of things that need to be done. Print Bob’s script. Pose with Ivy Cove bag. Letter to building management to report neighbor for smoking...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.” It was twenty-five minutes into the flight from Miami to Newark, New Jersey, too late for the standard welcome speech that is often given from the cockpit . The one where he or she (but let’s face it, still mostly he) welcomes the passengers on board, introduces the names and home city of the flight attendants,...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick On Saturday, I was three pages into the new column for today when I somehow accidentally hit a series of keys that sent the material into the ether. Gone. Deleted. Never to be seen again. Gol dang it!!! This new keyboard bedevils me. The configuration has led to the constant insertion of the number three into one out of six words that I type. My fingers somehow gra...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick I can dream, can’t I? I live in a fantasy world for a not-insubstantial portion of every day. My mind fixates on an idea for a business, or a new place to live, or a complete change in course on my career path. I have done this all of my life. I can build an entirely new imaginary existence for myself in the time it takes to walk the dog (approximately 90 minutes)....

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick We had seen it, some time ago: the sign for the “California Botanical Garden.” It sits on 846 acres in Claremont, a historic and quiet community about 40 minutes south of Los Angeles as the crow flies. It is one of many smaller interior California cities that are chock-full of history, including Azusa, Arcadia, Glendora, and Upland, just to name a few. Most of them...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick “She’s coming today. Pray for me.” “Oh, boy. Did you hide your laptop?” “Shoot! No, I forgot. Thanks for the reminder.” Jeremy, Jeff, and I all employ M.E., a housekeeper who came highly recommended by my old pal Don. He was absolutely right about how thorough she is. Cleans the place down to the nubs, but he left out the part about her being a one-woman wrecking b...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick Genius. It is sometimes hard work to earn the designation. The New York Times puzzles are not designed for giver-uppers. A person can stare at the boxes which contain the words one hopes to group together in CONNECTIONS for a good while, trying in vain to see what binds them in a category. The hints are there, hiding in plain sight if one has the fortitude to suss...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick “The AV Heart Block is still there.” The new heart specialist was reading my EKG. “Still first degree, I hope?”, I asked “Yes. No change from the last report with us. The chart says you were here three years ago.” “Sounds about right. The Rheumatology folks are always asking me to come back here, just to be certain that the medication I take is not causing any prob...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick I read about it in AARP magazine, so it must be true, right? A recent article stated that walking is one of the most beneficial exercises that a person of a certain age can engage in. It is safe, (as long as you look both ways and NEVER trust a green light in Los Angeles–folks run through reds on a regular basis here), free, and good for the mind as well as the bod...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick I worked for a summer as an employee in the Sequoia National Forest. I was reeling from the tough final year at the Academy of Dramatic Arts and needed a break. I am not sure how I knew about it, but I managed to secure a position as a waitress in the restaurant at the main lodge. Housing was provided in cute little cabins, and meals were free on workdays. It was a...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick LUCK The force that seems to operate for good or ill in a person’s life, as in shaping circumstances, events, or opportunities. With my luck I’ll probably get pneumonia. Good fortune; advantage, or success, considered as the result of chance. He had no luck finding work. A combination of circumstances, events, etc., operating by chance to bring good or ill to a per...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick I recently spoke at an event for the newly formed Pride Bar Association of the Inland Empire. There were several people honored that evening. I received the “Stonewall Legacy Award” alongside Abby Rubenfeld, an attorney famous for her pioneering spirit and harrowing victory at the United States Supreme Court, which established marriage equality for people in the LG...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick “Don’t move!” Michael’s tone was friendly but firm. “We don’t know what is going to happen with your medication. So far, it’s looking crazy expensive. Your place is great. We can keep working on it; just don’t move right now.” It’s not that I LOVE to move. I mean it’s a hassle, of course. The packing and sorting and heaving and hoeing. It’s a lot to deal with. I am...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick “1954 was my favorite year,” the voiceover that narrates the start of the classic old film “My Favorite Year” declares. “In 1954, a Buick looked like a BUICK,” the rich, heavily New York-accented voice continues, as the camera lingers on the grille of a classic Buick sedan. “Nowadays a Buick looks like a Ford, which looks like a Pontiac,” he laments. (I am paraphra...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick It’s that time of year when the world falls in love. Every song you hear seems to say, “Merry Christmas” or something along those lines, depending on from which vantage point you view the situation and what you want to celebrate this season. I just want folks to have a happy something or other. Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa …. whatever floats your f...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick Clank, rattle, bang, hum. Uh-oh. There were signs, of course. It had been clear for a good while that the machine which has served me dutifully since 2011 was losing the will to live. The mechanics of the thing had begun to lag, causing a maddening delay between my typing of a letter and its actual appearance on the page. It became easily confused and struggled to...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick It happens on a regular basis. I will poor myself a glass of wine from a favorite bottle of Chardonnay and think, “Ewww. Yuck. I hate this.” I have learned from experience, however, not to pour it down the drain in disappointment. I simply pour it back into the bottle and re-cork it and plan to visit it another day. This is because there is a very good chance that...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick The note was written on a legal pad. It was a bit Catty Wompus, had been written hastily and not within the lines of the paper, but rather at an angle. There were other, more orderly scribblings, such as: “Call Elizabeth” and “Pay Insurance,” but this one read: “My hands are too crippled to apply the anti-wrinkle cream. Haha!” It sounded promising enough. “Anti-Wri...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick BINGO! The story of how it came to be that I called BINGO wearing feathery garments and (for a time, at least) a tiara for two hours at Hamburger Mary’s. For a worthy cause, of course, why else? It all started when Jeff mentioned that he was going to see a student’s dance performance in Alhambra. Jeff is one of the premier acting coaches in town, and he often goes...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick “Hey. I think I should check in with you more, like a lot more, if you are going to be on that medication.” My sister Laura found out about my new prescription by reading this column. We see each other once or twice a week, but I had not discussed it with her yet. “It seemed like the lesser of two evils,” I told her. “But yeah, that ‘black box suicidey’ thing is a...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick “You shouldn’t be pretty. I mean, you are, but you shouldn’t be.” I was 27 years old at the time, and my friend proceeded to go down a list, feature by feature, of what was wrong with my looks. “Your hairline is too low. I think your eyes are too close together. Your nose has a hump, and your cheekbones are too square.” He went on and on, and I allowed it, because...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick I am writing this while seated on a train, heading west to the historic Union Station in downtown L.A. My friend Don and I are returning from Anaheim, where we spent the night at Howard Johnson following a fun jaunt through Disneyland’s “Oogie Boogie Nights.” The party celebrates Halloween several nights a week from now through All Hallows’ Eve proper. It is a very...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick I was sitting with an old friend in a comfy booth in the back of a very good Mexican restaurant on Ventura Boulevard. We were lingering after a hefty serving of fajitas with all the fixings. “How is Lanny?” (Not her real name) I asked. “Good, I think. She seems happy being retired. She got old … went gray, the whole shebang,” he answered. I looked at him. He had, a...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick It sits in the space next to mine, someone’s hot little brown car. I am told that it has been in the garage of my apartment building for two years and some change. It is covered in layer upon layer of dust and grime, but one can see that it was a sassy machine in its day—a Mazda sports coupe. Hot stuff. It has been waiting patiently for its owner to recover from wh...

Wit and Wisdom by Beth Broderick It was a rare sighting. I was on the floor at the gym doing some fancy ab moves, which required holding both legs straight up in the air and reaching for them in alternate lunges, with hands holding 2½ lb. weights. This is meant to target the upper region of my relatively flat but, to my mind, under-toned abdomen. (A six pack is hard to come by when one is 66 years...