Because You Watched Starcrash

“I think you know what I’m getting at, Mr. President. We’re gonna kill us a mummy.” In this thrilling installment of Because You Watched Starcrash, your Distinguished Professors wade ass-deep into danger with 2003’s Bubba Ho-tep! Topics discussed include Soul Man, the director’s writing credit on The Beastmaster, this movie’s intense absurdity, parallels with Unforgiven and Logan in fears about lo...

“Pain is temporary – film is forever.” Your favorite Distinguished Professors have a showdown with the best and weirdest of the 80s teen movies, Three O’Clock High ! Topics covered include the insane opening sequence, comparison with Better Off Dead , connections to Back to the Future and Black Scorpion , interesting camera angles, the opening sequence as an arming of the hero, the inexorability o...

“That’s for trying to kill me! That’s for trying to kill my friends! And that’s for being a real jerk!” The Distinguished Professors endure cosmic ray bombardment through laughably-absent safety measures to watch Roger Corman’s copywrite-maintaining placeholder, The Fantastic Four! Topics include the squareness of the Fantastic Four comics in the 1980s and 1990s, the role of the FF in starting the...

“And you can stick it anywhere!” The Distinguished Professors take a big, sloppy bite out of the infamous 1980 movie musical The Apple! Topics discussed include the dystopian future of 1994, the doing of the BIM, this movie’s insistent heterosexuality running against the disruptive queerness of the musical, contrast with The Rocky Horror Picture Show (released the previous year), the potential fut...

“I hope no one minds, but I have no intention of facing this sober.” The Distinguished Professors engage in some Errol Flynn-style hijinks and privateering in search of the solidified state of water with the 1984 movie The Ice Pirates ! Topics covered include a water as a post-apocalypse MacGuffin yet again, the star-studded cast, the questionable PG status of this movie, comparison with Princess...

“I like the death. I like the misery! I LIKE THIS WORLD!” This week the Distinguished Professors go back in time to the golden era of the career of Belgian dance-brawler and split-doer Jean-Claude Van Damme and watch Cyborg, a movie consisting entirely of slow-motion fighting and screaming. Topics covered include mistimed sound cues, the unsanity of our times, El Doobie, the steampunkiness of the...

“You have aroused the three snakes!” This week the Distinguished Professors watch Rowdy Roddy Piper as the fertile meathead of the future in Hell Comes to Frogtown! Topics covered include a post-post apocalypse movie, the best action movie hero name ever (Sam Hell), identifying the accurate level of sexism for this movie, the butch hotness of Centinella, the one-note instrument of Mr. Piper, the o...

“I just think it’s a bit much.”  The Distinguished Professors celebrate Pride Month by watching The Gay Deceivers, released mere months after Stonewall. Topics covered include Flatrock Distillery, Ted Nugent’s plan to avoid Vietnam, Elliot’s status as a gigolo, Michael Greer’s role in saving this movie, the weird collapsing of cross-dressing and pedophilia into homosexuality, the status of ga...

“Feeling a little inadequate?” Join the Distinguished Professors on yet another post-apocalyptic encounter with the riot grrrl version of Mad Max, Tank Girl! Topics discussed include Shirley getting above his station, British sci fiction comics’ tendency to be set in not-Britain, offensive British accents, similarities with Turbo Kid, use of comic art in the movie, Courtney Love’s supervision of t...

“I have mastered your god! Accept me! Now!” This week your favorite Distinguished Professors confront the Italian 1984 Sandahl Bergman vehicle and H. Rider Haggard re-envisioning She ! Discussion topics include the distinct lack of Haggard’s version of She in this version, the racism and colonialism of the original, similarity to Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death , the glory days of Sk...

“The monster is a mirror, and when we look at him, we look into our own hidden faces.” Today the Distinguished Professors do that which all lovers of movies of questionable quality must do: we watched Zardoz, the movie that made the world endure Sean Connery’s excessive hairiness spilling out of a red leather diaper. Topics discussed include the toilet-esque nature of our signature “whoosh,” the h...

“Everyone, this is Alfred. I work for him.” Welcome back to Because You Watched Starcrash’s extended exploration of Zack Snyder’s really long movie! You demanded it, and fanboys, you’re gonna get it. Topics covered include Vanderpool’s inability to use anything resembling human grammar to open the show, the intense awfulness of Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor, Thanos and Deadpool as Marvel ripping off DC,...

“Oh, you’re good. You almost had me.”  The Distinguished Professors share their thoughts on the fanboy-demanded Snyder Cut of Justice League. Topics covered include the awful Justice League of America tvpilot that we covered in Season 2, a very brief reminder of good stuff Joss Whedon created in the past, butt shots for everyone, Berres confuses old movie snobs Robert DeNiro and Martin Scorse...

“Whole world’s comin’ to an end, Mal.”  The Distinguished Professors give into fate and face off against Oliver Stone’s crazed take on the Bonnie and Clyde story, Natural Born Killers. Topics include the mystery of Owen, the symbolic end of our world and the beginning of a new one, apocalypse as revelation, John Milton’s love of Satan, our inability to say “apocalyptic” or “cinematography,” W...

Dune (1984) “My name is a killing word.” This week the Distinguished Professors discuss David Lynch’s visionary tour de something, Dune. Topics discussed include josting, Clink’s babyface status, the movie’s ambitious failures, the nature of spice, parallels with The Lion King, Toto’s guitar-heavy soundtrack, information overload, the role of Princess Irulan as the narrator, the awesomeness of Dun...

Follow us on Facebook!  https://www.facebook.com/BecauseYouWatchedStarcrash Turbo Kid – 2015 “This is my weapon! This is my gnome stick!” Fresh off of Mad Max , the Distinguished Professors (and their producer) dive into the totes-80s Quebecois awesomeness of Turbo Kid. It’s the far future of 1997, and everyone is BMX-biking everywhere! Topics include Clink looking as old as the rest of us, t...

R.I.P. The Emperor, aka Christopher Plummer. We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you this bonus episode where Dr. Allen Berres, Michael Clink, and Mike Vanderpool discussed the 1987 masterpiece - Dragnet! “We believe bad sex and good drugs are the cornerstones of a great democracy.” In honor of our fallen spiritual spacebrother Christopher Plummer, we decided to veer away fro...

Mad Max – 1979 “Larger than life and twice as ugly!” Welcome back to Season 3 of Because You Watched ( woooosh! ) Starcrash! This season, mirroring the collapse of whole damn world, is focused on apocalypse movies! Joining the Distinguished Professors is JC Shirley, our new producer and a podcaster in his own right ( The Stuff Podcast with CJ and JC). We’re starting off by tackling the blueprint f...

Michael Clink recommended this movie whose name is way too long! To conserve oxygen, we'll just call it Buckaroo Banzai! Dr. Allen Berres and Michael Vanderpool join Mr. Clink in exploring the theory that Jeff Goldbloom makes everything better! Mentioned in this podcast: Jean Gray Ms. Marvel Emma Frost W.D. Richter Peter Weller Robocop Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze The Venture Bros. Johnny Quest J...

What Dr. Allen Berres identifies as a "painful watch," daresay the most horrible film we have watched so far - the TV movie spectacular Justice League of America! Let's see if Michael Vanderpool and Michael Clink agree! Mentioned in this episode: Friday - The Movie Batman Justice League of America (1997) Velocipastor Kitty Pryde X-Men X-Men - Animated Series circa 1990’s Incredible Hulk - Pilot Sp...

Dr. Allen Berres subjects us to the Sam Rami "Spider-Man prequel"! He is joined by Michael Vanderpool and Michael Clink into Liam Neeson's foray into superhero stardom! Mentioned in this podcast: Liam Neeson Sigourney Weaver Darkman Sam Raimi Spider-Man Tim Burton Batman Danny Elfman Tobey MacGuire The Phantom of the Opera Quasimodo Hunchback of Notre Dame Frankenstein Deadpool The Simpsons Liam N...

In this episode, Michael Vanderpool, Michael Clink, and Dr. Allen Berres discuss the 1995 Roger Corman production - Black Scorpion. Join our dynamic trio in the superhero spectacular a person in a mask and a black suit fights crime in a dark and dingy city. And no, it's not Batman! Mentioned in this episode: Black Scorpion Black Scorpion TV Show Roger Corman Supergirl Batman Batman II Back to The...

In this episode, we discuss the Staw Wars Holiday Special and Satan Clause Conquers the Martians!

In this episode, the three amigos discuss Detroit's Dynamic Duo of superhero/revenge films - Robocop and The Crow. Mentioned in this episode: Paul Verhoeven Showgirls Saved By The Bell A Star Is Born Starship Troopers Brandon Lee Rapid Fire Grindhouse Frank Miller Arnold Schwarzenegger Sylvester Stalone Jean-Claude Van Damme Velocipastor Mel Gibson Lethal Weapon Lady in The Lake Hardcore Henry Dar...

Welcome to Season 2 of Because You Watched (woooosh!) Starcrash! This is the Superhero Season, where the Intrepid Explorers Mike Vanderpool, Allen Berres, and Michael “Clinker” Clink watch some classic and not-so-classic superhero movies. This episode is about the not-so-classic superhero movie Blankman. If you were hoping for a dissection and analysis of this movie, you’ve come to the wrong place...