Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

Welcome to the Schiefer Casino! We've got Mark who has a gaming license from eBay and Braley is behind the bar serving up only top shelf drinks! We are also known for rewriting LGBT history and for hiding Steak 'n Shakes from Ashley. We welcome everyone (other than knife salespeople) to another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachto...

After forgetting it existed, we finally find ourselves in Kansas! We read reviews of pizza places and discuss the future of the Tootise film franchise. Then, Alex reads a variety of reviews of gay bars and they're just as good/bad as you expect.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyop...

Greetings from the Schiefer Sisters! We're back for another episode where we read reviews sent in by you, our lovely listeners! So stop smelling horses and put down your pizza rolls, because something is rotten in the State of Yelp... Enjoy! Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wY Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too...

We have some actual exciting news this episode, so listen up! Then listen to us read some ridiculous reviews written by both real and not so real people. I'm too sick/seeping too much to think of funny things to write, so just try to enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go wat...

Christine (cactus print) and Alex (stripper scent) bring you the first Beach Too Sandy episode of a new decade. We read reviews of arcades, arcade bars, and dueling piano bars (for some reason) in Nashville, TN. Then Alex lives up to his challenge, reading negative reviews of kitchen products that weren't used as intended. Hopefully we don't ruin your entire decade with another exploration of awfu...

This week, CHRISTine and Alex reveal what is causing the death of all humans... at least according to a single reviewer. Believe it or not, it's not caused by Starbucks holiday cups. Apparently those are just the result of Lunatic Leftwing Liberal Losers like us. Try not to break your finger smashing the play button, and enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Su...

This week, we rewrite The Grinch, repurpose Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and share other valuable pieces of media in the form of Yelp reviews. We hope this episode doesn't leave your puggle craving human flesh! Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: https://youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wY Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream...

Happy podversary!! We're celebrating one year of Beach Too Sandy nonsense! Thank you so much for your support this past year. As a special gift, we've finally revealed the identity of the man behind our intro. And no, it's not Bosephus! So go watch our latest YouTube video to see that reveal: https://youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wY Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a livestream Q&A e...

All hail King Salmon! Just... don't order him on a cinnamon raisin bagel. In this month's episode, we read some of the worst reviews you've ever sent us. And we're starting to think they cut off all circulation to our heads, because we blacked out halfway through. So throw on your 'flage Crocs and enjoy another special episode of Between You And Us. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosan...

Don't do us bogus and give this week's episode a listen. If you don't, Alex is going to take Christine's bathroom breaks away. So hear all about how the state of your local Menards means America is dead, and about how much better Timmy Ho's is compared to everything.  Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us...

*Insert Favorite Turkey Noise Here* Welcome to our Thanksgiving special! Now as a fireside chat! Your holiday is about to be ruined by the cornucopia of reviews that Christine brought to the table. Thankfully the couple Mr. and Mrs. Farmer redeem us in the end.  Have an amazing Thanksgiving! Krissy Kiwi & ~*~tHe PiCkLe GuY~*~ Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-w...

Happy Wonderwall! Throw on your favorite Armani underwear, grab your hottest rock, and enjoy the premiere of Pretty Mayor - the opposite of Undercover Boss. If you want to hear Christine's beautiful singing, you're maybe the only person ever to feel that way. If you don't want to hear Christine's singing, you might want to skip this one. Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A...

*golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *frisbee emoji* *frisbee emoji* *frisbee emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our mon...

If you're reading this, you are officially banned from LeanCuisine.com. Feeling doo-doo trash about that? Then listen to us read reviews sent in by YOU, our lovely listeners. We hope you love this month's episode, but if you don't we are prepared to pay you 100 plates of calamari. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a livestream Q&A every month.  Buy our merch! https://store...

This week's episode is dedicated to Fat Cat Cora. Remember that time when we exposed a hairy underbelly? Well, this week's underbelly is even hairier. If you're looking for an apartment in Grand Rapids, we hope you don't take this episode into consideration (unless you love egg-hair and microwaved cups of pee). And if you believe the earth is flat, we also don't think this episode is for you. Ever...

Welcome to the Beach Too Sandy Halloween Extravaganza!! We have such an exciting show featuring three very special guests! We bet you're reading this looking for a spoiler of who those guests are. Well guess what, we're not going to spoil the greatest surprise since that time Alex filled a pinata full of beans. But to entice you, here's a preview of what's to come: head lice, 666, ritual sacrifice...

WHEN YOU YELL, I YELP! Looking for a nose to pick? You've come to the right place. Turn up the Ziggy Idol, put on your star costume, and join us as we kick off spooky-ooky season with Halloween stores in Virginia Beach, VA!  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy...

Hello lovely listeners. Enjoying the table wine? Well why don't we take this back to our garden. We've got plenty of steamed salami to go around ;) Just don't let Louis out, we're happy he left his post at the winery for us. He just really loves when we take him on an exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them! Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream...

Locusts, cicadas, and hard hats oh my! We're reading the reviews you want to hear! This time we read everything from book reviews to communion wafers. Listen now, because THIS. IS. CRITICAL. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney De...

Welcome to the start of our podcast recording marathon, AKA our descent into madness, AKA our descent into Christine's basement full of teens. Listen as we unload reviews of fitness centers from Cheyenne, WY (and Helena, MT, don't worry). Alex also shares reviews with lots of nudity and hedonistic bellboys. So tune into our liberal cesspool of a podcast as we take you on another exploration of awf...

It's Alex's birthday episode and we certainly made the most of it. We discuss killing penguins and the miracle of childbirth, all while Alex intimately sings the praises of Scrub Daddy. Listen to your Podcast Messiah and his sister as they take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria...

Don't know what a runza is? Don't listen to us, because we think it's a hot dog bun sewn shut and filled with questionable ingredients. We don't have personal experience because we don't even know where Nebraska is. Thankfully, the good people of Nebraska tell us filthy animals what to really expect. Hop on Alex's wedding gator boat, or on Christine's log-like hide, and we'll take you on another e...

We're heading to Maine on the Gossip Train! We're stopping at the Charles Inn for a ghost made breakfast. Then we'll tour the basement where Stephen King lives, butchering the name of the town while we do it. Enjoy calming episodes of Antiques Roadshow as we pull into our final stop: the future burial sites of Alex & Christine in Kaneohe, Hawaii. So hop on and let our conductor, Gearshift Gamb...

Adjust your husky pants and let us show you the world, shining glimmering... something. We're back and we're hungry for what West Virginia has to offer, hairy underbelly and all. So turn your ;( upside down and let these regular bloody stupid johnsons take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our patro...

If you’ve ever read the name of our podcast and thought to yourself, "No one would ever complain that their water is too wet..." then boy do we have the episode for you! This week we read reviews sent in by YOU and this week's includes one with that very complaint. Oh and Christine improvises a limerick and Alex speaks in tongues... so your average episode from us.  Support us on Patreon at patreo...