Be the Change in Your Marriage

Beautiful one, if you are living with someone who is critical, controlling, narcissistic, selfish or just plain mean, you need a sharp set of tools and a tanker vessel full of patience, STAT! My husband recently suggested that I offer y’all the advice: “Just put his head in the toilet and flush.” Thanks for the tip, honey. Dr. John Lewis Lund has a wonderfully practical book called HOW TO HUG A PO...

I want you, one day, to have a marriage in which you’re more thrilled to see your Mr. than you would be to see Chris Hemsworth in the airport. Because your Mr. is yours. Your tame fox. Your rose. Schedule your free 55 minute “Feel Better Now” coaching session at https://calendly.com/bethechangeinyourmarriage-/feelbetternow?month=2022-03 “What is Your ‘Wife Style’?” Quiz: https://quiz.tryinteract.c...

It’s vitally important to remember that you can start over anytime. Each moment is one that’s never happened before. If you’ve been compiling a mental list of why your husband is a butthead, that’s interfering with you feeling close to him, you can cast that list to the four winds. You don’t have to hold onto it if it’s not helping you be happy. If you just yelled at your four year old for stuffin...

I know the challenges of being a mom. Once kids arrive it can feel as if there’s no more lightness, no spontaneous relaxation or creativity, and very little productivity, just a constant succession of need, following obligation, their adorable little selves sometimes feeling like bowling balls strapped to your back, as you bob from incident to incident, attempting the unceasing work of running a h...

If I was a fairy at Sleeping Beauty’s christening, and you were that precious slumbering infant, and I could give you one gift, it would be this: The courage to be vulnerable. The courage to put yourself out there, to be seen, to feel the response and to love yourself through it. It feels so scary to be seen. I’ve been reading a groundbreaking book called NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION by Marshall Rosen...

I can remember a time when I was so unhappy that the only tolerable part of life was escape. To get lost in a novel or a movie was the best, but when it was over, I would reawaken to the dismal reality of my miserable life. I remember one day my Mom took me on an outing to get a massage, but I was so saturated with sadness that they may as well have been massaging a brick or a deflated balloon. No...

One of my favorite quotes on the subject of human potential is by the late, great Stephen R. Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. He said “Every human has four endowments… These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change.” You all have these four powers, and you can use all four of them to become happier and to cultivate a happier marr...

Let’s be kind to ourselves and not get reinjured every time we encounter someone who has caused us hurt. When you look at your husband, do you see a cumbersome collection of his mistakes? Do you feel your love for him clogged up by annoyance and offense? I’m sure you have good reasons, and perhaps some deep wounds. All the more reason to do everything possible to limit the hurt. “What if forgivene...

Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, in his book TRUE LOVE, A PRACTICE FOR AWAKENING THE HEART, “Whatever you do mindfully is meditation. When you touch a flower, you can touch it with your fingers, but better yet, you can touch it mindfully with your full awareness. ‘Breathing in- I know that the flower is there; breathing out- I smile at the flower.’ While you are practicing in this way, you are really there...

A great marriage is not one in which your partner supplies joy and a sense of worth, but one in which they reflect and magnify the joy and self-worth already within you. As you come to terms with that, and release him from holding your emotional health, you will have fewer arguments because you’ll have healed those fearful raw spots which trigger your defenses. You are also giving up trying to “co...

The efforts and methods of the marriage counselor are great, but they often lack the leverage to move the grounded semi truck that is two people anchored in opposing positions. The size of the job grows exponentially when they’ve dug in their heels and transferred the struggle to a third party. Now contrast this with the power of one of them simply making a decision to change the situation. Take t...

You’ve dusted off the Nativity figurines or the Christmas villages and arranged them festively in strategic places where your toddler can’t reach, and with each reiterated action, your heart strains to catch at least a breath of Christmas warmth or good cheer, but you’re coming up empty. Let me lift your spirits with this message of hope. And here is the link to the fun quiz I mentioned: https://w...

There is a sweet spot between complete accord and opposition which says, I see you. I can imagine being where you are, feeling what you’re feeling and doing what you’re doing. I understand. Maybe I don’t think it was the best choice, but you are a real person and I am here with you, sharing your experience, without offense, without defense, without any kind of fence, because I’m not viewing you as...

Every point in your life that seems like a detour, is actually leading you along a path to your wildest dreams. Every step along the way is a guidepost to your own nirvana, and every ounce of your heart that gets hollowed out by wrenching pain is making a receptacle for awaiting joy. There are no real mistakes, there are only necessary discoveries. Dark places we wander into to induce us to reach...

We have a twisted habit of punishing ourselves. You CAN’T take a break when the kitchen looks like a regiment of dwarves just fortified themselves there for their heroic, dragon conquering quest! But guess what, if your head is swimming, you need a break. If you need permission, there it is. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus e...

Whatever disagreements you’ve been having with your husband, however unloved you feel, whatever multiverse of responsibilities you’re failing at, and no matter how many hatchimals are littering the playroom floor, you can find instantaneous peace. How? Tune in. Includes quote sourced from ronrolheiser.com/ and story from the book THE 21 DAY CONSCIOUSNESS CLEANSE by Debbie Ford. This is a public ep...

It’s Thanksgiving season- the perfect time to talk about THE GAP AND THE GAIN. This is a book I recently picked up by Dr. Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan, and it’s a complete game changer. The concept is simple, profound, comprehensive and universally applicable, and today I’m applying it to you and your marriage. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers o...

SEEN in the comments of an ad (not my ad as it happens) promising to help women improve their marriages without the husband’s buy in: “Sounds like a scam. Shouldn’t the man share responsibility?” This one got me thinking. I want to answer this. If you’re putting the finishing touches on the Cruella DeVil costume for your plucky ten year old, lean in, because the answer to the question: Shouldn’t t...

We all have a secret horror. And as spouses, we’re always pulling back the curtain on each other’s secret horror, like a masked, chainsaw wielding agent of death. Let me explain what I mean… Some ideas inspired by ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY FOR COUPLES by Abigail Lev and Matthew McKay. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus...

Sit comfortably, close your eyes and do this needed reset. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bethechangeinyourmarriage.substack.com

You can heroically forge a path to a mindscape that’s so crowded with the things you’re loving, that you’re able to problem solve the hairy stuff and just blow off the rest, because who needs it? And you can do this without dragging him to counseling. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bethechangeinyourmarriage....

Real talk about what can happen when you divorce with children involved- not to depress you, but to help you make a fully informed decision. I promise everything’s more uplifting from here on out! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bethechangeinyourmarriage.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bethechangeinyourmarriage.substack.com