Bcomingundone

Bcomingundone thinking all of this was just ego to hinder self love and acceptance, afraid. I am done.

Needed a break, creating memories

Going to miss this dynamic, these men are wonderful and two ladies are amazing.

The guys went up. I'm scared.

Day 4 of paramotor paragliding training, started off poorly but cleared up.

I'm hurting crying and confidence is all but gone. A co regulator right now would be so wonderful I'd do fun sexual things for both our enjoyment for hours. A phone call would be nice.

Focus on landing not on things I don't want. I'm exhausted kiting is tomorrow goodnight

Day 1 paramotor paragliding.

Paramotor paragliding training is here. I'm so scared and excited.

Deep meditation regurgitation, a thought I had after meditating this morning, then lighten the fuck up with 24 seconds of me trying to beatbox...yo. oy! a bit of ASMR style, a quickie! Thanks for being here~

I am not without hope as much as I want to be free from attachments. My dynamic is hurting, I am ready to shut the door completely on all men unable to heal self. I am hoping. I want to feel my feeling in front of a man, without judgement; maybe I can heal and return. Lots of crying of course, I don't want a cuddle, just for a man to hold space for me without being dismissive of me and my feelings...

Poetry reading "Heal Self- no one's cumming, no help." Small introduction to possible paid content, "Anatomy of a bad play session". My heart is currently hurting...asmr like reading of my poem.

As I am becoming more self aware I am seeing my short 'cummings' and noticing my pool of people growing smaller. Please send conscious cock and help heal me! Slight asmr style.  Song background, Peeping Tom's "Five Seconds" musical reawakening brought on by a healer, I still enjoy you.

Lie. Say I like it like that. Crushed; in my way again. Found in my drafts...in a mood so I'm feeling this.  Thank you for being here.

Fabulous play in the woods. Hours of cock worship. He asked me a question and I lied. 

My past self is hurting with attachment. Included an audio of cock worship after thoughts may include more. After intro may need to adjust volume level up for the remainder 6+ minutes. I feel in order to understand sharing a partner, I need to be okay with the sharing of me.  Until the flip work on losing attachment

Let me lie naked draped across you while reading poetry...Poetry reading, The Lover's Touch by Diana Daffner

Covid had me erase a year? I haven't had sex in almost 10 years, I keep saying 9, even subconsciously 10 is too long! No sex in almost 10 years, yes I cry, kind of. My play partner not fucking me, likely won't fuck me, has given me space to figure out it's maybe me that doesn't want actual sex and I figure out why. But yes I want to eventually fuck. ASMR voice

Anxious attachment has me in my head often with abandonment fears. I haven't heard from my play person in days and today I came to sit with a difficult realization. Hopeful for more experiences, in the meantime I am safe and I can gift myself an orgasm or three :) ASMR talking, some crying, laughter and enlightenment gifts excitement! Let's be naked. 

Poem reading "Joy" from last year when my play partner and I exchanged porn then He surprised me with His voice, and I could cum...I love phone sex. My disconnect with remote play, I reconnected, with a Lovesense orgy event! Because my good girl conditioning said "you wouldn't" and so I had to. I participated in 'art' rather than 'connect' with any one person that made me cum. Sound & Fury...S...

I'm not in a happy excited state so my brain was trying to put me in a depressive state. Tics "hugs and drugs" is new. I'm in a state without need or want and I can breathe. Likely zero talk about my growing desire of wanting hugs and fucks though!

I revisit the chapel where it all began, looking for my future ghost to tell me I'm heading the correct way. I thought I was having troubles with my orgasms again, turns out I just need a connection with the giver; leap of faith. That girth on that tree, I'm gonna hug the fuck outa that tree! ASMR style speaking Silliness with "Redbone" my favorite line, "...my peanut butter chocolate cake with ko...

Ready for nonsexual touch, childhood trauma healing

I'm having a want to get my cuddles and fucks but my avoidant wants to run. I feel dumb how hard this is for me, 'hard'. Hard- wanting to cuddle cock! 2 poems read

I have no psychological reference to going beyond what I have done up to this point. I keep repeating people to heal myself, now is the time but I'm afraid after 'death' what will be of 'me'? My sexual self that I have reawakened to bring me to this point will she no longer 'be'? No words to describe this lonely feeling. What happens after undone.