Battle Royale: French Monarchs

Eliza is under the weather, but we didn't want to leave you guys without an episode! So we're taking a break from the 13th Century and going back into the 1st... BC. This is a special release of our Patreon episode about Vercingetorix, King of the Gauls, who unified his people and fought to the bitter end against the conquest of Julius Caesar. Join our Angry Mob at the Economy+ tier at patreon.com...

Philip the Bold's reign doesn't get off to a great start. Not only is his father dead, but he is sick with dysentery, losing a siege on the failed Eighth Crusade. Once he's made his way back to France, will he be able to do his father's legacy justice, or will dysentery once again get the last laugh? Back in Paris, Philip's court is rife with faction-fighting between an excess of Capetian princes...

When Louis IX comes of age, taking over from his mother and regent Blanche,  France finds itself at the apex of its medieval golden age. The young king manages to prove his mettle fending off English invasions and internal rebellions, bringing the royal domain's power to new heights. But kings rarely age gracefully... When thoughts turn to a risky and costly crusade, will Louis's luck run out?  Ho...

 More than just a stop-gap between Louis VIII and IX, Blanche of Castile proved definitively that a woman could not only rule France but lead its armies and redefine its culture. She was the granddaughter of Eleanor of Aquitaine, who hand-picked her as a daughter-in-law to Philip Augustus, whose legacy she would uphold in the face of numerous threats; from English invasions to fanatical peasants. ...

 This week, we get to know King Louis I of England. Yep, you heard that right! But his role as the Capetian who just about became King of England in the days of Robin Hood isn't the only fascinating thing about Louis the Lion's life. Though he was the heir for many years and king for very few, Louis manages to cram a lot of action into one life. And a lot of bubs, too! It helps when your wife is t...

 This week we invited on our resident librarian Elspeth Olson to talk one of our biggest mutual interests: fairy tales! Ben and Elspeth each tell a tale from 17th Century author Charles Perrault about horrifically wronged women, while Eliza branches out with a Japanese fairy tale about a woman who got a revenge of demonic proportions! We swear, this was not a coordinated theme...Go and follow Elsp...

In the second episode on Philip II's jam-packed reign, we step back and look at the broader picture, considering how Philip ruled, the impact he made on France, and whether he truly deserved the epithet "Augustus". He quadroupled the royal domain, he cleaned up the city of Paris and he ushered in a cultural golden age. But his dealings with the Jews and Cathars gave us pause; this king is no angel...

Though he's often overshadowed by his flashy ex-boyfriend Richard the Lionheart, Philip II is one of the most famous medieval kings for a reason. So much happens in his reign, that he is the first monarch since Charlemagne who gets a two-part episode! But things aren't looking good for France at the end of Louis VII's llacklustre reign, which saw the Angevin Empire gobble up the Left of France. Th...

Our seventh Louis, called Louis the Young, is overshadowed by practically everyone around him (his dad, his wife, his vassals, his friends, his enemies... the list goes on). But as times go, the middle of the 12th Century was certainly an interesting one. In this episode, once Louis VII gets back from his disastrous crusade and finally splits with Eleanor of Aquitaine, we witness the end of the En...

Our most anticipated episode for some time has finally arrived! In this episode, we examine Eleanor's life outside of the English perspective through which she is too often seen. We mainly look at her relationship with her first husband Louis VII and her role as Duchess of Aquitaine in her own right. Is Eleanor truly great enough to sit among our VIPs to watch the final tournament? How many of our...

Louis the Fat was so much more than an unflattering nickname. He owes a lot to his chronicler and best bro Suger for building his reputation as the first truly great Capetian king. But is that a reputation he lives up to? Find out this episode...Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever...

King Philip the Amorous got his name for following his heart rather than his head, which of course got him into big trouble with the church. The chronicler monks (often from rival principalities) got carte-blanche to drag him through the mud more ruthlessly than Regina George could have dreamed of (Mean GIrls is required viewing for this podcast, by the way).  But there was no stopping Philip, who...

She may now be a symbol of friendship between France and Ukraine, but who was the real Anne of Kyiv? In 1060, the sophisticated and gentlehearted Anne of Kyiv finds herself a widowed queen in a strange land. She has a duty to rule in her son Philip's name, yet she is tempted into a potential scandal by the infamous Ralph of Crépy. Find out what becomes of this intriguing queen-regent, and what sea...

It's been 1 year since our god-awful first episode was released, and we are once again celebrating la fête nationale, this time with guests! We've pulled out all the stops for an international panel of RexyPods (podcasts with formats inspired by Rex Factor) that are also coming up to their first birthday. The six of us hosts discuss our process when it comes to podcasting about our historical nich...

While he may be King of France, our first Henry finds himself overshadowed at every turn by mighty figures in his kingdom like Odo II of Blois, Geoffrey Martel of Anjou and a young Norman duke called William the Bastard. Despite falling off a horse as many kings do, Henry to his credit got back up again.  We will see him hold his own in one of the lowest points of kingly power, ensuring another lo...

 Robert the Wise is yet another of the lesser-known kings of France, however, an abundance of sources combined with a lengthy reign means that Ben has a lot to say about him! We hope that henceforth he will be known as a "sexy beast", with his statuesque build, charming personality and rather saucy marital record... Or at least that is was conclusion until we got to the burnings... Visit our Wordp...

Surprise!! Ben and Eliza are BACK and ready to dive into the High Middle Ages with Hugh, the first king of the Capetian Dynasty. Named for his simple white hood (capet) and known for his demure personality, he's not exactly the glorious conqueror you'd pick to be the founder of Europe's greatest dynasty. However, as we discover this episode, Hugh Capet may be more than meets the eye...Visit our Wo...

We are delighted to be joined by historian Dr Rutger Kramer on today's special episode recapping and re-examining all the Carolingians we have ranked on the podcast, from Charles Martel to Louis V. In this episode, among plenty of other topics, we talk about what the Battle of Tours really meant to the Franks, why Charlemagne is such an anomaly in this period, and why Louis the Pious might have be...

It's a series finale (of sorts) as we encounter the last king to be a direct descendant of Charlemagne. His reign is full of intrigue and scandal, from a marriage alliance that backfires horribly to Louis pissing off the WRONG archbishop. Will these kings ever learn? We will be on a brief hiatus for the next month (May 2022), but after our Ranking Roundup this episode we are keen to hear what you...

 Lothair has a pretty smooth time getting on the throne, but once his powerful mentors start to die off, will he be able to hold his own? In this episode, we see a particularly violent king and a particularly conniving queen... whom the bishops try to ignore as they bring the abacus back to France and tell the monks to stop wearing leggings. Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries,...

It's been too long since we talked about a powerful queen-regent. There have been "no girls allowed" in Neustria since the notorious Queen Fredegund! But at last, Gerberga is here to break the curse and become the first (sort of) Queen-Regent of France. As a relation to several "the Greats", including Otto, Hugh and (we don't talk about) Bruno, our Gerberga was quite the catch for young King Louis...

After a childhood spent across the sea in England, it's time for Louis d'Outremer to show us if he learned anything from his time as Uncle Athelstan's ward... anything? Louis's reputation might not be promising, but he is far from a Do-Nothing King, and his life is a tale full of twists and turns, from a surprising amount of ambushes to a suspiciously convenient marriage to a widow. Visit our Word...

Though he refused the crown, Hugh the Great remains too major to overlook in this period of French history. So, join us as we decide whether he deserves to watch our final tournament from the VIP Box. With humble clothes to hide his thirst for power, Hugh is more than meets the eye, with a third of France under his control. How does he get on with the rambunctious boy-king Louis IV? Will he ensure...

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reind -- I mean, Frankish monarch -- never asked to be the king, but his wife Emma sure did, so when her father died she hugged Rudolph's knees and never let go.  While considered a Robertian, Rudolph in fact belongs to the Bivinid branch of the Bosonid Dynasty, being the nephew of Nosebleed-Section resident Boso of Provence. Will the "glorious wolf" be a scheming trickster l...

 The posthumous son and namesake of Robert the Strong was a thorn in the side of our last king, Charles the Simple. Now that he's stepped up to take on the big job, will he be able to Make France Great Again and kick out all the pesky Vikings and Germans? Get ready for a deep-dive into the Battle of Soissons in 923 CE, and what REALLY happened on the field of Charles's defeat...  Also, at the end...