Bad Book Bash

Elena continues on her quest to woo the ever-elusive Stefan Salvatore, by... checks notes ...spreading false rumors that he's an undercover cop, telling everyone that she has a fake foreign boyfriend, trying to get her very-recent-ex to help her spend alone time with him, and making out with the guy who bullied Stefan on his first day of school. Classic meet-cute amiright?? Become a supporter of t...

We find more damning evidence of how "Twilight" completely robbed from TVD. Elena goes full stalker on Stefan; she promises herself that they will both die if he doesn't return his love for her, and she makes her friends do a blood oath to help her win his heart. For some reason nobody thinks this is creepy and everyone still thinks she's the coolest blonde normal cheerleader that's ever lived. Fo...

We hear more of Elena's inner dialogue; she thinks everyone at school besides her and her friends are 'peasants' and she gets offended when boys don't sexually harass her in the hallways. She openly admits to using boys like objects; Stefan claims to be attracted to her because he can read her mind and finds it to be 'strong' and not 'psychopathic' like we do. Follow Bad Book Bash on Instagram at...

We are reviewing the 1991 novel "Vampire Diaires", written by LJ Smith and the inspiration behind the 2009 show "Vampire Diaries!" Book-version Elena is very different than TV-show Elena, mainly being that she's a complete bleach-blonde-Regina-George-mean-girl, and as the reader we're supposed to get behind that....? She literally calls other students at her school "peasants" and flagrantly brags...

Episode starts off with a stranger staring at Raven through her bedroom window late at night, and she's perfectly unbothered by it because it's such a normal thing for her. Jagger is still on his bullshit, trying to kidnap Raven and turn her into his vampire bride, so Alexander and Raven hatch a plan to throw him off for good. At the very end of the book, we're introduced to a surprise character t...

Raven doesn't learn her lesson about why she shouldn't keep sneaking into creepy, abandoned buildings, so she finally gets kidnapped by Jagger, and he almost forces her to vampire-marry him until Alexander swoops in to save the day! Becky talks about her favorite erotic zones, and Ren still can't get over the mirrors-and-vampires thing in this book Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.s...

Raven continues on her search for her mysterious, vampire boyfriend while also being stalked by another creepy villainous teenager, so not much has changed from the first book. Despite her stalker being an obvious creep who tried to roofie her, she is worried that she's being a vampire-racist, so she follows him into a dungeon where she is surprised when he tries to bite her! Raven manages to esca...

Raven goes to Hipsterville to find her "gothic prince" while she's visiting her Aunt Libby, her cool hipster-aunt that Raven makes fun of for having alt fashion...the hypocrisy is lost on her. She visits "The Coffin Club", a nightclub that totally doesn't have vampires why do you ask? While there, she meets the mysterious Jagger who is also totally not a vampire, just because he keeps rambling abo...

Quick recap: Raven Madison is a goth girl in the town of "Dullsville", who claims she doesn't fit in because the rest of the town is too preppy, but in reality it's because she's a judgmental pick-me. She meets Alexander Sterling, the only other goth she's ever met so they immediately fall in love. Everyone in town, including Raven, thinks Alexander is a vampire, until he proves to them he's just...

Lucien talks more about his vampire childhood, and complains about how his own 100-year-old daughter is but a young infant. Meanwhile, he continues to pursue the busty 25-year-old Paulelica when she's just trying to girl-boss it over here. Paul gleefully throws away Betsy's money on in-app diamonds in order to make questionable decisions for his fictional cartoon daughter, and talks about the sexy...

Paulelica continues to try to find Lucien a love match, while he continues to waste her time in his attempts to f*ck her. Lucien makes Paulelica wait at the bar while he goes on dates, then when she gets mad, he apologizes by buying her more drinks at the bar while he continues to go on more dates. Betsy and Paul discuss vampire hygiene (are they anti-germ theory?) as well as old vampire stock opt...

Salvio and Molly get married despite her miscarriage, because he tells her that she's still fertile enough to give him kids. He doesn't want an equal partner, he essentially wants a baby-making sex slave, and poor Molly goes along with it because he also agreed to pay her brother's debts. The entire struggle of their relationship is Molly trying to convince Salvio that she deserves to be seen as a...

Salvio claims he can smell if a woman is on her period....? Also he proposes to Molly, telling her he is only proposing because she is agreeable, beddable, and pregnant, then he's confused when she's sad at how fucked up his proposal is. Keego and Alex talk about how Salvio is turning into a literally dick Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/bad-book-bash--5889791/...

Molly confesses to Salvio that she is pregnant; he accuses her of tricking him into impregnanting her for his money...even though he was the one who seduced her, brought the condoms, and offered her a job. He also accused her of lying and saying it was someone else's baby; despite knowing that they only had sex a week ago (how did she even know she was pregnant within 7 days??) and that she was a...

Molly takes up Salvio's offer for a new job, since Lady Avery fired her out of jealousy. Salvio thinks Molly is a stalker for this, even though he knows she has nowhere to go and he's half the reason she was fired. Molly also finds out that she is pregnant, despite the mini mountain of condoms she and Salvio burned through and it only being a week since they hooked up. Become a supporter of this p...

Molly has to prepare dinner for the Averys and Salvio, but she gets distracted by her own horniness and ruins the whole dinner. Later, she joins Salvio in his room for a nightcap, where, despite being a complete virgin, she turns out to be a master at sex because of course she is. All female characters written in these sorts of books are basically sexual Mary-Sues. Keego explains to the audience t...

We have a Christmas special for Bad Book Bash! Join Keego, Alex Byrne, and Betsy as we review “The Italian’s Christmas Housekeeper”. This book was picked because of the hilarious description on the back, starting with this line:“Shy Housekeeper Molly Miller always tries her best.”Molly is an English maid who meets Italian billionaire Salvio De Gennaro, who has only two personality traits: being ri...

Paulelica faces more stressors at work, such as human discrimination and sexual harassment, but luckily she deals with it by getting wasted in the middle of the day. Lucien, like all vampires we've encountered in this podcast, insists on acting like he's 15 instead of 15-hundred. Paul gets upset that so many CEOs are trying to buy female interns (not hire), and also thinks Snape is sexy. We also s...

We learn more about our character's backstory, like how she knows about the supernatural world because her mom was bitten by a WEREBADGER?? Paul thinks Lucian is the ideal sigma male, and Betsy tells her fiance how she fancies Robin Hood, the cartoon fox version. Our character (Paulelica) also has to take "samples" from her vampire client Lucian, and it's as cringe as you think it is. Become a sup...

NEW PODCAST SERIES ALERT!! Listen in as we do a gameplay of the infamous, interactive story app “Chapters”. In this app, you play a character; usually a young, busty woman, and make decisions for her as she navigates her creepy, supernatural romance plotline. Our “Chapters” gameplay has all of the cringe, ghoulish plotlines as our regular YA novels, but way more consent because this time, WE’RE in...

We've reached the end of our journey with Raven Madison and Alexander Sterling! They get ready to go to the school "Snow Ball" together; a dance where everyone is supposed to wear white but the two goth teenagers show up wearing all black because dressing differently is the only way they know how to rebel. At the dance, drama ensues involving Trevor and Becky. And at the very end of the book, we f...

The Sterling family continues to drop major hints that they're vampires, not at all trying to maintain secrecy in this tiny, boring suburban town. Raven also continues to commit more crimes, such as breaking and entering into the totally-not-a-vampire-family house in order to get to know the guy she has a crush on. I mean it wouldn't be a YA book if there wasn't some sort of stalking, right? Becom...

"Weekend's coming up, time to do some skanking!" -Becky CheatleRaven and Trevor continue their terrible feud, by taping things to Raven's locker (and only her locker, like she doesn't even touch his). Also, Betsy revisits her memories of church camp, and Becky reveals that Betsy's fellow campers were probably trying to get her to unalive herself. Rude. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://w...

Halloween is upon us, both in the real world and in the "Vampire Kisses" novel! Raven decides to be edgy for Halloween and dresses up as a normie tennis player. She then goes to the creepy mansion with the new family, and instead of asking for candy, asks for toast because she's QuIRKy! Meanwhile, her arch nemesis, Trevor, is still trying to get with her despite the horrific sex crime she committe...

Our newest season on Bad Book Bash stars Irish comedians Ren Forsythe and Becky Cheatle as we review the vampire teen series, “Vampire Kisses”! Raven Madison is a goth girl trapped in a suburbanite town….and that’s really all there is to her personality. Nobody at school likes her; she claims it’s because of how she dresses but she equally makes fun of her peers for wearing Tommy Hilfiger so maybe...