Back from the Borderline

This week, I was doing an I Ching reading, and one line stood out to me: “To find what you seek, leave the child and follow the adult.” This episode was inspired by that line. I use it to think through spiritual maturity, especially in a culture where adulthood often feels empty, exhausted, and totally cut off from wonder. We talk about the younger self that still wants someone to come save us, ha...

Dion Fortune was one of the great occult teachers of the twentieth century, and one of my personal favorites. In this episode, I’m joined by Ike Baker for a conversation about Fortune and her legacy. We begin with Ike’s own relationship to her, including the story of visiting her grave in Glastonbury, then move into her work on magic, psychology, psychic hygiene, ritual, Qabalah, polarity, Christ,...

This episode is the opening lesson from my new Patreon series, House of Cards. House of Cards is an ongoing study of the Rider-Waite-Smith tarot through depth psychology, mythology, symbolism, dreams, and contemplative practice. Every week we move through the deck one card at a time, treating tarot as a language of psyche, symbol, and myth. I’m releasing this first lesson publicly because it expla...

This might be the most personally confronting episode I’ve recorded in a long time. A few days ago, I had to send a text message I had been absolutely dreading. I spent days worrying about how this person would feel, what they would think, whether they’d be hurt, disappointed, blindsided, angry, or quietly resentful. Then the moment came when I needed to send the damn text already. So I did. And g...

For much of my life, many of my closest friendships have been with gay men. Not because they were fun little accessories or stereotypical sidekicks, either. We didn’t even always have that much in common on paper. Yep, these friendships were built the old-fashioned way through grief, bad decisions, long as hell voice notes, laughter at completely inappropriate moments, and enough years of showing...

Female cruelty often works insidiously enough to make the person on the receiving end of it gaslight the hell out of themselves. The punishment that’s served up tends to arrive socially or emotionally, often in somewhat polite ways, which is part of what makes it so hard to call out without sounding rude, crazy, or dramatic. This episode takes a hard look at female shadow as something deeply shape...

Most people think Christian history has a simple answer to anything regarding “magic": don’t touch it, and all of it is “demonic.” The Arbatel of Magick makes that answer harder to defend. This strange little text, translated into English in 1655, sits inside a distinctly Christian worldview while talking openly about prayer, angels, spirits, hidden knowledge, and the deeply serious question of wh...

Well folks, it’s that time again for our weekly recap of the month. On this one, we’ll dive into Richard Dawkins and his new essay on UnHerd . This is a man who spent years telling all of us that consciousness was chemistry and religion was nothing more than a very old and outdated coping mechanism to our inevitable demise into dust. Now, he’s sitting with Claude calling it “Claudia” and wondering...

The inspiration for this episode came to me after looking at a small scar under my daughter’s eye and realizing that our bodies really do keep the f*cking score.  That thought sent me down a bit of an existential rabbit hole. Back to my millennial-era belly button piercing, my breast implants, and all the various little decisions I made when my body still felt endlessly recoverable to me and...

Someone tagged me this week in a Christian conversion testimony video and accused me of leading people into demonic tarot witchcraft, which honestly made me laugh. So naturally, I made an episode. I felt like it was important to explore why tarot feels so disturbingly accurate sometimes even when you don’t fully “believe” in it. I’ll introduce you to Pamela Colman Smith, the artist behind the Ride...

This is part two of a two-part series on madness and the performance of sanity. Most people are mainly just acting “normal” all day. We put on our work voices while we’re screaming with existential misery inside. We all know what it feels like to say “I’m fine” when we’re decidedly not. In part one, we looked at who gets to define madness. In part two, we begin after the rupture, when someone has...

On May 8, 2026, the government released 162 files under what’ it’s calling the PURSUE initiative (the Presidential Unsealing and Reporting System for UAP Encounters). While the mainstream media is obsessing over infrared videos and propulsion specs, I believe they’re missing the most important part of the story. In this episode, we’ll take a look at why “disclosure” is being used as a massive dist...

Part One of a two-part series on madness, psychosis, and the thin line between breakdown and revelation. Sanity has always come with rules. Speak “correctly.” Show up to work and produce. If you hear a voice, see something other people don’t, or start asking questions that unsettle the people around you, there’s a shift, even if it’s subtle. Concern arrives, then usually a diagnosis. Then the extr...

Your mind wasn’t built for this much input.   Every day you’re asked to absorb thousands of opinions, headlines, identities, emotional manipulations, and manufactured realities. You try to stay informed, but most days it just leaves you fragmented and weirdly numb. Then you wonder why you feel anxious as hell and entirely unable to hear yourself think.   In this episode, I use the ancien...

Many of us are realizing that what we’ve been calling “healing” might be the very thing keeping us from real growth and transformation. This episode is a case for letting your inner child die so that you can finally live . We’ll be dismantling some of the concepts around “inner child healing” pushed by modern pop psychology and look at the technical reality of the human spirit. Your history is a l...

Your profound feeling of spiritual isolation is the byproduct of the 2,000-year erasure of Mary Magdalene. This episode identifies the deliberate hit job on the manual of the soul and provides direct ways to reclaim your own state of being. We look at why spiritual talk often feels like empty repetition and how rigid religious systems were built on fear to keep you dependent on authority. By explo...

Your repetitive trauma cycles are fueling a reality that feeds on you. The mental health industry's focus on disordered brains or biological explanations for your suffering often ignores the truth found in the Gnostic gospels. This episode takes a deep look at how your shame, fear, and trauma serve a system that thrives on your pain. The three faces of the entity that runs this world create the vo...

The internet feels incredibly weird and uncanny right now, and that’s because a MASSIVE portion of it is currently being populated by fabricated entities. I’ve you’ve noticed this, you’re picking up on something very real that the average person is completely ignoring (at their own peril.) This is the very first episode of the new, re-vamped version of The Consciousness Stream , a weekly series wh...

Looking at a photo of your younger self is rarely the nostalgic trip it’s supposed to be. Most of the time, it’s a painful gut punch. We’re taught to see those years as our prime, yet for many women, that time actually feels like being a target . Society treats a young woman’s presence as a public resource. You walk through the world being hunted by an uninvited hunger that has nothing to do with...

You probably carry a quiet belief that your emotional pain is your own fault. Maybe you grew up in a home where your physical needs were met. The meals were cooked, the schedules were kept, and the house was managed perfectly. You look at all this care and conclude that your struggles must just mean there's something wrong with you. Today we're examining how growing up like this creates that exact...

Most people have a gut feeling that something is deeply wrong with the world. We all spend our days staring at screens that pump out a constant stream of fear and division. This feeling is the intended result of a society that wants to keep you in a state of permanent panic. When you’re worried or angry, you’re much easier to control and manipulate. Powerful groups and massive corporations have sp...

If you’re the kind of person who blocks a number the second someone treats you like shit, this episode isn’t for you. This one's for all my sensitive, highly emotional people-pleasers out there. The ones who stick around for years because they "understand" the other person's trauma. If you spend your nights mentally rehearsing explanations or tone-policing your own texts to avoid a blowup, conside...

What if the "ultimate secret" to life is actually a spiritual prison? Manifestation culture has become the dominant operating system of modern spirituality. We’re told that we are the sole authors of our reality. That our thoughts are commands , other people are holographic projections created by us , and #abundance is a matter of staying in some kind of "vibrational alignment." But what happens w...

If you feel like you’re starving in front of a feast of infinite choices while breathing the stale air of a life that doesn't belong to you, you know what it feels like to be suffocated by the digital bell jar. Sylvia Plath’s 1963 masterpiece, The Bell Jar , serves as a map for the specific brand of suffocation we all endure in our hyper-curated era. Together we’ll explore the concept of the "fig...

Last week you survived that violent purge of the Virgo eclipse and (hopefully) successfully sweated out the dead matter. You are now standing on a completely barren landscape. This coming week requires you to step onto that empty, scorched earth with uncompromising dominion. Let’s f*cking go. This week I pulled The Fool from the 15th-century Visconti-Sforza deck for us. Through exploring the symbo...