B4U Swipe

In the last episode of season 6 on B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about letting go of perfection when practicing relationship anarchy.  Episode Highlights include: our annoyance with the expression “ just friends;” bears, butterflies, oh my - meadows as a metaphor; government as invasive species; pushing against perfection; RA support networks; no gold standard, rants about insurance and o...

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about who and how they share their relationship structure with others. In our conversation, we revisit many Relationship Anarchy principles including core relationship values, customizing commitments and practices, and love is abundant (but time is limited).  Episode highlights include: Who you’re allowed to grieve about at work (bereavemen...

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about the connection between Relationship Anarchy and asexuality (experiencing little to no sexual attraction) and/or aromanticism (experiencing little to no romantic attraction). We bust some stigma while advocating for more freedom to form the kinds of relationships we want.  Episode highlights include: Dr. Kris’ identity crisis, “consumm...

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore what compromise looks like in relationship anarchy, and how “anarchy” and “compromise” are more aligned than it may first appear. Episode highlights include: ”Real” anarchy vs CHiPs, a brief reflection on the Punk scene, the proverbial lobster in the boiling pot, sushi vs bento boxes, John Gottman’s stonewalling, noticing patterns in com...

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore the loneliness epidemic and consider how ditching the escalator and embracing relationship anarchy might help us feel more connected. Episode highlights include: Sweeping reflection on recent research on loneliness, societal structures, and pressure to conform to the heteronormative escalator– we went big, folks. We also talked about pra...

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore the relationship escalator rules and ways we may already be breaking them as we unknowingly embrace some relationship anarchy principles. Episode highlights include a Relationship Escalator tutorial, cuddle puddles, “parenting is hard,” supporting each other when we’re sick, annoyance at patriarchy and capitalism, the ridiculousness of s...

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore infidelity and how that concept takes on a different light when exploring it through Relationship Anarchy. We talk about our past experiences with “cheating” and current practices in our new emotional connections. Episode highlights include: Emotional vs. sexual cheating, Stranger Things infidelity, societal and familial messages about c...

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about talking! In other words, we focus on several real world examples, including our own, of navigating communication in relationship anarchy. Episode highlights include: Feeling seen, dating non-relationship anarchists, coping with misalignment in communication needs and wants, defining Kitchen Table polyamory, some differences between po...

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about the process of shifting relationships from romantic and sexual to platonic and back again.  Episode highlights include: breaking up vs changing dynamics, bobbing seals and whiskey, (re)negotiating time together, Kitchen Table polyamory, Comet Relationships, jealousy, “just” friends, and right-sized bites. Sorry if you get a little los...

In the first episode of Season 6 of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris build on Season 5’s overanalysis of Relationship Anarchy by talking about deep friendships. They start with their own decade plus long friendship and consider other relationships as well. Episode highlights include: How Dr. Kris and Dr. Lauren became friends, believing in brain science, FOMO, check-ins, friendships and blood pre...

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris discuss the last of the nine principles of relationship anarchy.  Principle 9: “Build for the Lovely Unexpected.” Episode highlights include: contented sighs, life giving relationships, what happens when you hit the top of the relationship escalator, empty nesting, mindfulness, dirty countertop resentment, sleepovers and vacations with friends,...

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy.  Principle 8: “Trust is Better” Episode highlights include: Kris’s love of the word “penultimate” and Lauren’s dislike of the phrase “quickly forgiven,” PolySecure and attachment theory, interdependence vs codependency, remembering “it’s not always about you,” adopting trust “safe...

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy.  Principle 7: “ Customize your commitments.” Episode highlights include: Learning from COVID pods; singing, cooking, and writing as acts of intimacy; networks of care and support; revisiting the relationship escalator and breaking cultural scripts; and how to not use relationship a...

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy.  Principle 6: " Love and respect instead of entitlement." Episode highlights include: controlling behavior, fuck coercive control and abuse dynamics; cookie cutters, molds, glowing orbs and seeds of growth - basically Lauren dumping a bunch of metaphors; being socialized to...

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy.  Principle 5: " Change through communication" Episode Highlights include:  Negotiating a pizza order, how societal and internal scripts guide our behaviors, being proactive rather than reactive in communication, sexual inventory lists, the constant of change, teaching commu...

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. Principle 4: “ Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you” Episode Highlights include:  The Relationship Escalator; challenging the concept of “failed” relationships; fear, judgment and pressure to conform; choosing who gets to know your relationship values...

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy.  Principle 3: Imagine it and Practice, Practice, Practice (originally “ Fake it til’ you make it” ) Episode Highlights include:  Our arguments against “faking it til you make it;” the magic of support in a Karaoke family; caterpillars and phoenixes; how resisting norms is slow and...

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy.  Principle 2: “ Find your core set of relationship values .” Episode Highlights include: Proposing a K-12 sex ed revolution; developing self-awareness of what matters inside and outside of relationships; a debate over what counts as “core;” and recognizing that while we can’t alway...

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris begin their adventure discussing each of the nine principles of relationship anarchy.  Principle 1: “Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique.” Episode Highlights include: Cherishing friendships as sacred relationships, navigating love as pie and relationships as check boxes, letting go of “the one,” reconsidering relationship hierarch...

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris preview how they are going to change things up this season and talk about relationship anarchy! Episode highlights include: How we’re switching up the podcast and why, our annoyances with how relationships beyond monogamous partnerships are addressed in the media and society, a brief introduction to relationship anarchy, and a recognition of our...

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss using the app when people are just “passing through” a place as opposed to staying put. Lauren shares the story of a recent connection where they played Seattle tour guide, and Kris reflects on times she was navigating an unclear interloper, a half-time Torontonian, and a long distance relationship. We think dating apps are great for all kinds...

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a man who hangs out with a LOT of women at work and another man who is a little too proud of his kids.  Kris’s profile highlights include: Impressive weightlifting skills, an actual camera, “tasty” friends, mad love, and a beautiful woman, another beautiful woman, and another, and another, and another. Overall, we felt this profile was a class...

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss another article! This time we are annoyed with “dating expert” Jana Hocking’s opinion piece, picked up by The New York Post, about deceitful married men on dating apps. We counter the article's brazen assumptions and horrible bias against ethically non-monogamous people by sharing a profile of a couple looking for friends and possibly more...

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren try something new! We first review a profile, per usual, then we discuss a related article Lauren found online. The topic? Reverse Catfishing. Lauren’s profile highlights include: Beefy arms, the struggles of being too attractive on dating apps, a mysterious cup on a wooden tray, vaguely international tiles and door, the best last name, the challenge...

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a profile Lauren came across while in Ireland, while Kris shares one of a young man who may have work-life balance issues. Lauren’s profile highlights include: Using filters in dating profiles, mismatched eyebrows, laughing during dark times, The Troubles, smoking culture, and practical footwear. Overall, we felt this profile did a great job p...