Astrology Zoned: A Susan Miller Fan Podcast

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PISCES!!!!!  Susan Miller may not have written you the lengthiest forecast this year, Pisces, but it is full of exciting predictions that should ensure a festive birthday season. She lists approximately five hundred ways that money may come into your life this month (cue Laura’s pharmaceutical spokesperson voice), so there’s a good chance that your birthday present will be col...

IT’S YOUR TIME TO SHINE, AQUARIUS!  Laura and Alex are always happy to find themselves in the Age of Aquarius, and this year is no exception. So happy birthday to the Aquarians of the world! It’s time to use your cosmic gift certificate. The episode begins with discussion of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce (a.k.a. Venus and Mars!) followed by the Embezzlement Update, the pod’s newest segment, w...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAPRICORN!  Welcome to Season 4! Laura and Alex are excited to jump into the new year. As is Susan Miller, who started 2024 off right by posting the horoscopes on the first day of the month! The gals start the episode with a chat about the holidays that segues into the show’s newest segment, the Embezzlement Update, where they report which, if any, of Susan’s predictions (embe...

IT’S YOUR TIME TO SHINE, SAGITTARIUS!!!! Because it’s your birthday month and because Susan Miller is back! Just in time to tell us all what December holds. Her eyesight isn’t perfect, but it’s good enough that she was able to write the detailed horoscopes we expect and to tell us to buy her wall calendar and sign up for Discord. So all told, things have returned to normal.  The episode begin...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SCORPIO!!! It’s another month of brief forecasts as Susan Miller recovers from the eye infection that has left her partially blind. Alex and Laura believe that the Scorps of the world deserve more for their birthday month, but who are they to argue with Susan’s doctor?! Our fearless pioneer of the astrology internet must rest her eyes.  Even though Susan stuck to the facts for...

LIBRA, IT’S YOUR TIME TO SHINE!  And Susan Miller is here to tell you how to do that. However, this month she delivers the news in an abbreviated form due to the most Susan reason ever. She is suffering from an eye infection that has left her unable to see and therefore unable to deliver the lengthy and whimsical horoscopes to which we’ve become accustomed. But what is lost this month in fanc...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VIRGO!!!!! It’s your time to shine, although unfortunately you must deal with some secrets and surprises first. But Susan Miller is here to guide you through this difficult time so you can come out the other side ready to indulge in beauty treatments and international travel. The episode begins with a discussion of Susan’s monthly Note to her readers. Here the gals learn that not e...

IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LEO!!!!!! And Laura and Alex are back from vacation to tell you what’s in store for your birthday month! Unfortunately, what’s in store is a lot of retrograding planets, which translates into a less than ideal time to throw a lavish birthday celebration.  The gals jump right into this episode with a recap of Susan’s Note to her readers. Susan tells us that she has a new fe...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GEMINI!!!!! Unfortunately, Susan Miller hasn’t written the most compelling horoscope for your birthday this year, Gemini. But Laura and Alex are here to tell you all about it anyway. With a song!  The gals jump right into this episode with a recap of Susan’s note to her readers. Well, it’s not so much a recap as a dramatic reading; this month’s note is so wild that only Susan’...

HAPPY TAURUS SEASON!!!! According to Astrology Zone, the Tauruses of the world have a lot to look forward to this May. And that includes Laura, the pod’s very own Taurus birthday gal. Happy birthday to all!!! The episode starts with a recap of Susan Miller’s note to her readers. Much of this month’s note is devoted to May’s difficult full moon lunar eclipse in Scorpio because Susan is concerned ab...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ARIES!!!!! You have a wonderful birthday month ahead of you. April contains not only a favorable eclipse and an incredible new moon, but also the Luckiest Day of the Year! That’s right. The Sun and Jupiter align and meet in Aries this year. So get ready for a month filled with opportunity, money, partnerships, and favorable contract-signing! At least until Mercury retrogrades.&nbsp...

PISCES, IT’S YOUR TIME TO SHINE!!!!  And shine you will because Susan Miller predicts an incredible March where all of the planets are moving and changing and doing things! Prepare yourselves to enter a new realm full of buckets of money and dazzling opportunities where Saturn is your personal executive coach. Laura and Alex think you will feel just like Rihanna at the Superbowl.  The ep...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AQUARIUS!!!!! Unfortunately, Susan Miller doesn’t predict the fabulous forecast that Aquarians deserve for their birthday month. But Laura and Alex are here to show support and wish Aquarians all the best. Better times are ahead in March!  This episode begins with a recap of the Note, which consists of not much more than descriptions of Astrology Zone’s many apps and how you c...

IT’S CAPRICORN SEASON! And the start of a new year! And season 3 of this podcast! According to Susan Miller, January will be a great start to 2023.  Laura and Alex kick off this episode by talking about their festive night on the town in December, an event that Susan Miller predicted in her final horoscopes of 2022. The gals then dissect the recent article about Susan in the New Yorker ! It w...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAGITTARIUS!  According to Susan Miller, Sagittarius has a lot of planets in a lot of places this month, potentially resulting in strong partnerships, gifts, and a new home. And guess who is revealed to be a Sagittarius?! Astrology Zone! It turns out that Susan Miller invented the astrological internet twenty-seven years ago in December.  The gals begin the episode by dis...

HAPPY SCORPIO SEASON!!!!  And happy birthday to the wonderful Scorpios of the world! As always, Laura and Alex are here to preach justice for Scorpios, a group that has to deal with constant disrespect from the rest of the zodiac (or at least that’s how Alex, a Scorpio, sees it).  We’re still in the midst of eclipse season and Susan Miller is here to terrify her readers. Laura and Alex s...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIBRA! Despite an approaching wild and wooly eclipse season, Susan Miller predicts a great birthday month for you, Libra! Get ready for money, travel, and supportive planets that gather around you like caring relatives, not unlike Peter Gallagher’s family waiting for him to awaken from his coma in the beloved romantic comedy While You Were Sleeping . As always, Laura and Alex discu...

IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY, VIRGO! There’s a lot to celebrate this month, Virgo! You should expect money, career success, and even fleets of Cupids! Susan Miller wants to know all about the dream in your heart so that you can get on the path to seeing it come true. Even Mercury retrograde isn’t going to get in the way of your cash infusion and booming career this September.  As always, Laura and Alex...

IT’S LEO SEASON! And there’s a lot of good stuff coming your way this August, Leo, not the least of which is the coveted import-export of ideas! Susan Miller has a lot to say about how you can use the new moon (aka your cosmic gift certificate) to your advantage and the bonanzas that await you.  However, Laura and Alex have even more to say about the Note. This month Susan announces that she...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CANCER!!! Get ready to shine this July, Cancers! Susan Miller promises you an exciting month of VIP meetings, unexpected yet exciting news, and the luck of an Irishman!  Laura and Alex kick off this episode with a discussion of Susan’s Note, a sprawling essay that covers a myriad of topics ranging from Susan’s new app to… Susan’s old app. Just kidding–we’re also graced by the...

IT’S GEMINI SEASON!!!!! A very happy birthday to all the Gemini twins of the world! Laura and Alex wish you only the best, even if Susan Miller could only write you a somewhat brief and neutral forecast. It’s possible she cut some corners this month, though, because… the horoscopes were posted on time!!!  Not only were Laura and Alex filled with surprise that the forecasts were available on J...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TAURUS!!!!! And to Laura!!!! Taurus season is upon us, as is eclipse season!  And Mercury retrograde! And there is a flower moon and a black moon! Needless to say, planets are doing things.  This being eclipse season–complete with eclipses in both Taurus and Scorpio–Laura and Alex decide to read up on the subject. They start the episode by summarizing Susan Miller’s ess...

IT’S ARIES SEASON!!!!! Susan Miller has a lot of exciting things to share with Aries, but unfortunately this month’s horoscopes were published even later than usual. Laura and Alex waste no time (unlike some people…) getting into their thoughts on the late posting, Susan’s excuses, and wondering what might have happened over at Astrology Zone HQ to lead to such chaos. As always, Susan believes tha...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PISCES!!!!!!!  And welcome to the world, baby Oliver! Susan announced that a new little Pisces joined her family in February. And while Laura and Alex are overjoyed by this news, they have a lot to say about the fact that the horoscopes weren’t published until March 5, leaving them to fend for themselves not only during this month’s new moon, but also on the luckiest day of th...

IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY, AQUARIUS!!!! And Susan Miller thinks you’re going to have a great month! Saturn is here to get you moving on your goals and projects, but it’s not all hard work, Aquarius. You’ve got money, laser beams of luck, and the coveted fleets of cherubs headed your way.  In this episode, Laura and Alex tell Aquarius, Scorpio, and Taurus what they can expect during the Love Shack Er...