Asshole Animals, with Alice

The only 3 certainties in life are: Death, Taxes and the human desire to depict our cats in art. We've been reproducing their likenesses in multiple art forms since we domesticated them 10,000 years ago. From pottery, to hieroglyphics, to black and white photos - we are OBSESSED. In fact, does anyone even remember the Internet without cat videos? As sure as the day is long, humans have forever...

It's the year 2123. With ongoing wars, a devastating climate catastrophe, and the inevitable uprising of artificial intelligence, the Human race is fractured. Only the Crows remain... Why have Crows succeeded where other species have fallen? They've been watching us the whole time...gathering information, scavenging, communicating above our very heads. For years, we ignored them. Shooed th...

How often has a silly Penguin video made your day a little brighter? How often has their silliness, their child-like determination and their adorable little waddles restored your faith that maybe, just maybe, there IS some pure joy left in this world? You're probably expecting this paragraph to now explain that Penguins are ACTUALLY the Devil and should be cancelled - but that's certainly...

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, we're back for another round of "which member of the Dolphin family could absolutely wreck your shit if it wanted?" - and the answer, unsurprisingly, is the Orca. You may know Killer Whales from "Free Willy", you may know them from "Blackfish", but soon enough you'll know them from your nightmares. Of...

The phrase "Circling like a Vulture" doesn't often conjure pleasant imagery. One may circle like a Vulture over an estranged great Aunt's belongings in the months preceding her death. One may circle like a Vulture over a promotion at the Law firm where you've been busting your ass for the last 7 years. "Circling like a Vulture" implies a predatory behaviour, careful...

Webster's dictionary defines "fear" as: "an unpleasant, often strong, emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger". For pretty much 90% of the planet, fear in an animal form takes the shape of the humble and introverted Tarantula. It's unclear why 8 legs and a hairy body seems to equal danger to us, but the answer is probably conditioning from media and a fear...

We. Are. Back. And kicking off Season 2 of "Asshole Animals with Alice" is a species that could almost transcend assholery due to their intelligence and their terrifying efficiency: Ants. It may disturb you to hear that below your picnic blanket, below the loamy depths of the soil is a fully formed SOCIETY with more harmony and union than we will ever achieve as Humans. A Utopia, some mi...

Eugh, who DOESN'T love a giant, bitey, scaley thing? It's why we all love Jurassic Park, right? In a boring world without ACTUAL Dragons, it's time we settle for the next best thing: Komodo Dragons - whom, despite being wingless and unable to breathe fire - can still turn your blood cold if they run after you. After dodging an incredible 14 episodes of the podcast, it's high time t...

Well, well, well. If it isn't the infamous Macaw episode... As you guys know, the possibility of a Macaw episode has been thrown around a lot on this podcast. No one thought it would happen. No one DREAMED it would happen. But yet, the wait is finally over, and what better person to help discuss one of the most intelligent species of bird on the planet than Avian behaviour expert and celebrate...

When you think of "fear", you might think of spiders or snakes. High-up places, cramped places, public speaking or, heck, even Clowns. Maybe giving a talk on a high-up podium at a crowded Clown convention scares you, who knows? For Australians, there is Swoopophobia, which is the term I just made up for getting swooped by the Australian Magpie. As if Australians needed another thing to b...

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you an important message: it turns out that the Goths were right - Bats are actually pretty fucking rad. From taking care of those pesky mosquitoes that threaten to ruin your vacation, to pollinating the agave plant that is used for the tequila you're inhaling while you're on vacation, Bats are actually doing you a solid by helping you relax on your god...

Hey! You! Yeah, you. Ever heard of a Triggerfish? Probably not, right? Maybe you're thinking: "Yeah but there are SO many animals I've never heard of, why should I care about this one?" and that's where this podcast comes in - to tell you to get your head out of your ass and start paying attention. If you're a lover of the ocean, a fish-eater, a fish- hater, someone wanti...

Somewhere...buried deep in a landfill... lies the bright, glittery Dolphin merchandise of your childhood. You know what I'm talking about. The stickers, the fake tattoos, the dangly earrings. Maybe even a mood ring with a Dolphin on it? Close your eyes and travel back to the past, when deciding where to put up your awesome new Dolphin poster was the biggest problem in your life. Hate to break...

Were you ever picked on as a kid because you didn't want to go in the swimming pool in case there was a Shark in there? Does the Jaws theme tune STILL make your heart rate quicken to this day? Good news: you were the victim of the media's Shark fearmongering and you COULD be entitled to compensation! Your reparations for this heinous crime include getting to learn why Sharks are awesome an...

What do we truly know about Opossums? We know they like to eat trash, that they like to come out at night, and we also know they're about non-confrontational as it gets, even faking their death to get out of an awkward situation. Can we not say that at least one of those things are true about ourselves? Take a look in the mirror, people! Join Alice as she busts myths and changes hearts and min...

Afraid to go to the beach, lest some feathered bandit steal the chips you've been waiting all day for? The chips that probably cost around £12 nowadays in this economy? Well, consider this episode your immersion therapy - but the only thing that'll be hijacked during this podcast will be your hearts - for these sassy, savvy scroungers. You're welcome. Join Alice and bird-nerd "Luc...

Are you curious to know why Sloths are better than Jackie Chan? Want to hear stories of these baby-stealing, frog-butt-munching, animatronic animals? Look no further, my friends. Rest your weary eyes, sit back and listen to the dulcet tones of the jungle, with Alice's hilarious guests all the way from Costa Rica - Wildlife Veterinarians Ana and Andrés. Did you think Sloths were cute and cuddly...

This week on "Asshole Animals, with Alice", Alice is joined by the inspirational and punk-rock Chris Packham today to talk all things Red Fox – dispelling myths about their asshole nature and also finding the time to discuss Pangolins, Disney and Jimi Hendrix. If you love The Really Wild Show, Springwatch, or any of Chris Packham's other many wildlife projects - this episode is NOT t...

This week, Alice takes a journey to the Kalahari desert to discuss the most murderous, mischief-making mongoose species: Meerkats! She's joined by the brilliant and hilarious Dan Sutton, who helps her answer the question you've all been dying to know: Are meerkats heavier than a cloud? Have a listen and never view Timon the same way again! Our Charity of the Week this week is the African Wildlife...

Ever wondered how long it takes for an Otter to get into drag? The incredible YouTube and Instagram sensation Jungle Jordan joins Alice this week to discuss all things squeaky and bitey as they dive into the world of Otters! A strong start to the "Animals who look cute and cuddly but are actually gigantic assholes" anthology, prepare to have your world shattered as you learn more about these whims...

Have you ever found yourself wondering what type of band a Yellowjacket Wasp would be in? Ponder no further! The brilliant Dr Greg Dickens, Wild-animal vet, Cambridge-graduate and militant Wasp-apologist, joins Alice this week to discuss our least favourite picnic companions! Guaranteed to change the way you think of these sting-happy little bastards, tune in to see what all the buzz is about! You...

Did you know that Capuchins get high off of Millipedes? Or that Dolphins can swim through trees? Find out some more incredible facts and get into some real monkey business when Alice talks to Primatologist, Yve Morrin, about her experiences (and horror stories) with Capuchins! 

Love animals? Love it when they're jerks? Love hearing an English Zookeeper tell her stories of working with said jerks? Love solving mysteries of why Mother Nature can make animals such jerky jerks? Buckle in, my friends. We're going on a WILD ride to explore animal behaviour in a comedic fashion, and I'm your tour guide - Alice. Exits are to your left and please keep your hands inside the vehicl...