Ask Jess and Dave

Mismatched Desire: Dreading the Reach and Disappointing the Person You Love “My partner wants more sex than I do, and I’ve started dreading the moment he reaches for me because I know I’m going to disappoint him again.” It’s one of the most common yet least spoken issues in long-term relationships. In Episode 11 of The Ask Jess & Dave Show, we respond to a listener caught in a painful cycle: o...

You've spent years learning to identify your parts, unblend from them, and access Self-energy with increasing reliability. And then your partner says that thing, in that tone, and suddenly Self is nowhere to be found. You're blended, reactive, and all that hard-won inner wisdom feels inaccessible. Sound familiar? In this episode, we explore why relational conflict with a partner is one of...

What happens when a long-term marriage is transformed not by conflict or growing apart — but by one partner coming out as a lesbian? In Episode 9 of The Ask Jess & Dave Show, we respond to a man writing in after his wife of 20 years came out as a late-blooming lesbian and told him she's no longer interested in sex with men — including him. After months of grief, individual and couples coun...

What does it actually take to heal from infidelity? And what happens when the person who caused the betrayal isn't willing to end the relationship that caused it? In Episode 8 of The Ask Jess & Dave Show, we are joined for the first time by a very special guest — our friend and colleague Lea Dawn, an expert in the terrain of infidelity — to respond to one of the most provocative listener q...

What if the way we talk to our kids about friendships, crushes, and conflict could actually shape how they relate to themselves and others for the rest of their lives? In Episode 7 of The Ask Jess & Dave Show, we respond to a real listener question about one of the most important — and most overlooked — aspects of parenting: how do we help our kids navigate the messy, tender terrain of peer re...

Opening a relationship doesn't always unfold equally, and that imbalance can put enormous pressure on both partners. One of you is thriving, meeting people, exploring. The other is waiting, wondering, and doesn't yet know if they even want this—because they haven't really had the chance to find out. It's one of the most common and least talked-about growing pains in ENM and polyamo...

What if doing the work isn't enough? For anxious-avoidant couples, individual healing can only go so far. Because the trigger isn't just inside you — it's in the space between you. In Episode 5 of The Ask Jess & Dave Show, Jess & Dave get into the deeper mechanics of why the anxious-avoidant dance persists even when both partners are self-aware, growth-oriented, and genuinely t...

How do you know if someone is genuinely polyamorous — or just looking for a way out? Because here's the thing: when done with real integrity, opening a relationship doesn't shed obligations — it adds them. It implies more accountability. More transparency. More reassurance. More of the unglamorous, unsexy labor of loving people well. So if someone's vision of "more love" some...

In Episode 3 of The Ask Jess & Dave Show, we explore one of the most quietly painful and under-discussed dynamics in long-term relationships. Because the real question isn't just about sex — it's about what the absence of it means. Is it a conscious, mutual choice? Or is it a symptom of something deeper — emotional disconnection, relational neglect, not feeling seen, heard, or understo...

Do you and your partner keep fighting about the same things — and can't even agree on what actually happened? Or maybe someone in the relationship keeps assuming they know exactly what their partner thinks or feels, and no amount of "that's not true" seems to change it. In Episode 2 of The Ask Jess & Dave Show, we're getting into two of the most stuck-feeling dynamics in...

In this first episode of Ask Jess and Dave, we dig into the question: What is criticism really doing in a relationship? Not as a communication style to be managed or a bad habit to be curbed, but as a signal — a warning sign pointing toward deeper dynamics that are asking for awareness, understanding, and care. Drawing on our combined clinical and lived experience, we explore what life actually lo...