As Long As I'm Living

Judith and Alina are joined by Elizabeth Minton, a researcher and professor at the University of Wyoming whom they met last summer as participants in her most recent study. In this episode, we chat about the horrors of marketing after you've lost a baby. Those incessant Similac mailers, the targeted ads for the baby bouncer you googled that one time, the happy families in every commercial on TV. I...

Judith gave birth to an alive baby last week, and we are not shocked to realize that everything isn't magically better. She is feeling all of the joy and love for her new baby daughter, and all of the grief and loss and love for her son. Alina also talks about how she feels watching Judith hold an alive baby.  We use something called The Feelings Wheel, by Gloria Willcox, to drill down into t...

Alternate title: An Atheist and a Jew Walk Into a Cemetery! Alina and Judith discuss how their faith, or lack thereof, has changed since Quinn and Aiden died last year. This topic has been on our list for a while, and we had so much to say about it! We hope you enjoy this extra-long episode. Confused about any of the Hebrew words we tossed around? Got you covered. Click here! ::: Things we talk ab...

Listen to 20 minutes of Alina and Judith chatting about the past few weeks -- full of grief attacks, excitement, anxiety, joy -- while Judith has contractions. Is the baby coming TODAY? Spoiler: she was born, and she's alive! ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Empty Arms Syrup Stampede 5k ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast , send us an email at aslonga...

Alina and Judith sit down to have a chat about how Judith's new baby will change their relationship, because ready or not, she's coming soon. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast , send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com , or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving ! We would love to hear from you! ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life,...

In this week's episode, Judith and Alina continue their interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program and learn all about his research in parental bereavement. They also ask him listener questions. Dr. Richard Goldstein is a pediatric palliative care pediatrician who devotes his career to helping families who must deal with the sudden unexpected death of their child. He has worked in general...

In this interview, Judith and Alina talk with their sons' doctor, Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program for Unexpected Death in Pediatrics at Boston Children's Hospital, to learn more about SIDS. This episode feels very important to us. Some of you following have been touched by SIDS in your life, others have not, but regardless, this episode is for everyone who has or will ever love a baby. Please...

In this episode, Alina and Judith recognize the two-year anniversary COVID-19 hitting the US in March of 2020 by talking about the realities -- good and bad -- of loss in lockdown. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Empty Arms, an Interview with Carol McMurrich ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast , send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com ,...

Why does Judith move so much? How did you pick your babies' names? What's the best and worst thing about having a podcast? How can I find a grief partner or community? We answer these questions and more... taken from a question box on our Instagram story. Do you have a question we didn't answer? Send us a message! ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Our Instagram! Follow us please! The Rober...

Alina and Judith each had 29 years of "normalcy" before their sons died, so at just one year in, they are baby grievers in the grand scheme of things. In this episode, Judith talks about Aiden's approaching death anniversary, and they give themselves a round of applause for surviving a whole year. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Rainbow Rings model of grief Baby Grievers instagram p...

Carol McMurrich is the founder and director of Empty Arms Bereavement Support in western Massachusetts, and she is also a mom of 5. Her first daughter, Charlotte Amelia, died during labor in 2003, and she went on to have 4 more living children. She is one of the first people Alina reached out to after Quinn died, and she met her with an extraordinary amount of compassion and care.  In this in...

In May of 2003, Carol McMurrich was due any day with her first child, a daughter. Sadly, her introduction to motherhood wasn't as blissful as you might expect, because her daughter, Charlotte Amelia, died during labor. Listen to this bonus episode to hear Charlotte's story, and to hear some background on why Carol was moved to found Empty Arms Bereavement Support a few years later to help parents...

The Starling is the only piece of media out there that features a SIDS death, so Judith and Alina wanted to see what all the fuss is about. Spoiler: they didn't like it. They also talk about the way grief and loss are portrayed in the media in general. The good, the bad, and the ugly. SPOILERS for And Just Like That... (HBO), The Starling (Netflix), and WandaVision (Disney+) ahead. ::: Things we t...

Judith and Alina talk about the magnitude of love they feel for Aiden and for Quinn. Is it just puppy love? Will they feel more deeply for their other (hopefully living) children? They also talk a little about the other kind of puppy love... love for their pups! Special shoutout to Judith's dog, Rosie, and Alina's cats, Miguel and Tulio. Stay tuned to the end of the episode for a special trea...

We have another very special guest episode for you! While Alina was in DC, we somehow managed to convinced Aiden's dad (Judith's husband) to sit down and chat with us about what it's like to grieve as a married couple and how it feels to live in a world that barely even acknowledges bereaved moms and tends to leave dads out of the picture. Alina and Judith grieve in similar ways, but Aiden's dad g...

Judith and Alina record an episode together in DC! They talk about what it feels like to be just sliiiiiiiightly off the bottom, peeking over the top of the hole they dropped into last winter when their sons died. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast , send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com , or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving ! We would l...

In honor and recognition of the anniversary of Quinn's death, Alina (and Judith) reflect on what one year of grief, Year 1 of Grief, has looked like.  ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast , send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com , or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving ! We would love to hear from you. ::: Things we talk about in this epi...

This is a big hard week (in a big hard month in a big hard year) for Alina, so we're taking a break from regular episodes so that she can focus on remembering Quinn and taking care of herself. Please enjoy some audio that we've held onto from past episodes! We love this content and are glad it is going to see the light of day. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodca...

How would you describe grief to an outsider? Is it a button in a box? Is it a series of rainbow rings? Is it balls in jars of various sizes? Is it 5 stages? We discuss some of the most common visualizations for grief and decide which is our favorite. We also talk some more about Alina's hard month, and Judith orders Alina dinner.  ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimli...

Judith and Alina discuss the preparation they've done in the past for hard days. They also look ahead to January, which will be a very challenging month for Alina in particular, and she expects to disappear into the planets soon, as Judith calls it. Send food! ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast , send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com , or visi...

Just for fun, Judith (a Sagittarius) and Alina (a Capricorn) take a look back at their horoscopes from 2021, and look ahead at 2022. Wishing all of our listeners a happier new year. ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast , send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com , or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving ! We would love to hear from you. ::: Things...

You may know her as Chloe, but she is here to introduce her REAL self! Meet Kaylee: Alina's ex-husband, current wife, soon to be ex-wife, and Quinn's (other) parent. Even though she and Alina lost the same baby and the same marriage, their perspectives are very different. Listen to her share about the losses she's experienced this year and the challenges of transitioning while in the throes of gri...

Let's talk triggers! What are they? What does it feel like to be triggered? Can they be avoided? We share some real life examples and laugh about how ridiculous they probably sound to outsiders. Enjoy! We recorded some of this episode live on our instagram, so make sure to go check that out if you want to see us struggle to use technology! Ha. Linked here! ::: Follow As Long As I'm Living on...

What are you supposed to do with your dead baby's stuff? Judith and Alina have a LOT of thoughts about this topic. A LOT OF THOUGHTS. This is a long one! Content note: in this episode we touch on the circumstances of our sons' deaths for a minute or two. If mention of CPR on an infant, finding a dead body, or anything of the like would be too triggering for you, this might be a good one to skip. :...

Today is Aiden's first birthday. Listen to a note from Judith and hear how her family celebrated him this year. ::: Things we talk about in this episode: Maker Girl Save the Music Single Moms Planet Yad Eliezer Feeding Babies Oceans Initiative Save the Dolphins ::: As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever Afte...