Are You My Podcast?

This week’s Lifetime movie — the accurately titled, “Deep Blue Nightmare” — has Sarah and Mary questioning if Lifetime really knows much about the ocean, maritime safety, or life in general. Guys, it really was a nightmare. Mary’s convinced they sourced the shark from a Chuck E. Cheese robot graveyard, and she will never accept that anyone would choose to kayak in open seas - especially for hours...

Everyone is jazzed to see Dr. Viviana has surfaced in this week’s episode, however, Sarah’s less than thrilled with the lackadaisical guidance she offers Paige in dealing with the King of the Bad Eggs, Chris. Mary’s annoyed with Virginia’s need for password transparency and also with Haley and Jacob for giving themselves gold stars for platonically sharing a bed. Sarah and Mary wonder if Clara wil...

This week’s recap of Lifetime’s “Deadly Dating Game” had Sarah and Mary gasping for breath from laughing, while sifting through the wayward plot-lines. Sarah is certain that falling down one step would not lead to death - and wants to know how someone gets shoved to the ground by absolutely nobody. Mary accidentally tries her hand at “baby talk” — and even gives her all for a wildly mediocre Madon...

Week nine has some familiar feels as Chris still sucks big time and Vinny’s zero-to-one-hundred temper rears its head, again. Sarah notes that Virginia’s lost a bit of her easy-breezy sparkle, but affirms they’re kindred spirits when it comes to mimosas. Mary discovers her love for Clara, but acknowledges it probably has more to do with donuts and gas station palates than anything else. Sarah and...

This week’s recap of Lifetime’s “Dangerous Medicine” is a doozy. Mary has a hard time believing an 18-year-old guy would have any gripe at all about getting a massage and sponge bath from a hot nurse. Sarah introduces Mary to another phrase for “pitching a tent” that makes her blush. Mary also has a beef with Daphne’s insistence on conveniently baring her midriff. Sarah and Mary agree they’d be in...

Week eight has the couples attempting to live as man and wife…whether they like it or not. Sarah is impressed with the candor of friends and family sharing direct and honest feedback since the experts seem to be anywhere other than available to the couples for advice or guidance. Mary worries that Erik is taking on a “daddy” role which truly makes her sick to her stomach, Daddy. Sarah and Mary con...

This week’s podcast feature, LMN’s “Brutal Bridesmaids,” was just that -- brutal. Mary wasn’t happy with the bride’s personality right off the bat, when she ham-handedly knocked the engagement ring into a river without displaying even the smallest level of shock or remorse. Sarah was less than pleased that a full grown adult character was named “Binky,” however, she thoroughly enjoyed her fashion...

Week seven has the couples moving into their shared, neutral-territory apartments — some with a more positive outlook than others. Sarah questions whether Haley’s aversion to Jacob’s love for the 80’s is merely a front disguising her true revulsion of his entire being. Mary is concerned that sweet, easy-going Vincent is actually an angry volcano that is about to erupt all over Briana. Sarah and Ma...

The Eric Roberts love-fest continues for Sarah and Mary in this week’s recap of Lifetime’s glorious “Stalked By My Doctor: The Return.” Mary is impressed with Dr. Eric Roberts’ personal growth as a stalker; going for the mother of his teenage love this time seems like a more effective approach. Sarah admires his culinary skills- spelling his love’s name out in pancakes is quite the touch. The girl...

The couples are putting a bow on their sad, glaringly pandemic honeymoons in Sin City. Sarah and Mary empathize with Haley when she shares her regret after getting hammered then charitably letting Jacob stick it in. Chris continues to show he’s a bad egg and Sarah teaches Mary a new term that makes her blush and question everything. Mary can’t decide if she’s impressed or depressed by Erik’s faile...

Getting a taste of Eric Roberts in last week’s feature just wasn’t enough so it seemed only fitting to gobble up the original “Stalked By My Doctor.” Sarah loved it more than she ever has and it certainly was not a disappointment for Mary. In fact, Mary had a hard time figuring out why he’s single in the movie and has to do any stalking in the first place; she’d be more than happy to stop working...

The couples are easing into their quality time with one another on their honeymoons in Vegas, baby — literally. To the dismay of Sarah, Mary, and the world, Chris reveals that his ex-fiance is six weeks pregnant with his child but somehow still tries to play the good-guy / victim card whenever he possibly can. Sarah is absolutely repulsed by Jacob eating a raw onion at lunch, while Mary is underwh...

The biggest takeaway from LMN’s “Killer Advice” is that there was simply not enough Eric Roberts. Sarah recalls a time when she saw him in real life but didn’t want to interrupt his froyo experience. Mary can’t let go of the fact that five dollars doesn’t go nearly as far as the good people at Lifetime would have us believe, and Sarah discovers she has a severe aversion to cheesecakes — mini chees...

The wedding night, breakfast with their new families, and travel to Vegas for the honeymoon is covered for all five of the couples. Sarah’s really not happy with Jacob’s hyper-focused steak and eggs diet, mostly because it’s the only thing he talks about (that and his stupid man cave spa-house and questionable gut health). Mary continues to be proud of Virginia’s handling of her drinks on camera a...

Of course the girls have some take-aways from “Wendy Williams: The Movie.”  Were they earth-shattering? No. Valuable? Depends.  Sarah and Mary both agree that Wendy had some awful experiences along the way; however, after this movie, they’re not much more knowledgeable about Wendy than before. Is it fun to know that she likes to eat her caviar with Doritos? Of course it is. Do they feel bad that s...

The final two couples walk down the aisle to meet and greet their stranger-danger spouses. Sarah is appalled at Chris’s superficiality as he tells Paige’s bridesmaids that, although she may have a “nice shape,” Paige isn’t the kind of woman he’s wanted in the past. Mary is incensed at Chris’s father for letting Paige know his son’s a horn-ball who’s going to want to “receive” sex every night after...

The “Salt-N-Pepa” movie proved extremely difficult to follow, from characters to timelines, to who the hell cares if “Push It” is playing in the background. Sarah loses count of Spinderellas and babies while Mary has a hard time telling if they were going for morning sickness or an eating disorder. Sarah and Mary are blown away to discover that a Sears call center was such a hotbed of talent.    S...

After watching several of the couples get married and interact at their wedding receptions, Sarah and Mary have additional thoughts, concerns—and of course—looming questions. Why does Virginia need a shot every five minutes? Is Clara an armpit model? Does Erik not understand the value of an open bar? Also, Sarah impresses the crap out of Mary by performing not one, but two Salt-N-Pepa verses from...

“The Evil Twin” has Sarah incensed with Emily’s inability to dig deeper and ask even just basic questions about what is happening in her own life. Mary is violently annoyed with the starring role that hot chocolate plays in this week’s movie—again. AND THIS TIME IT HAS A CONDIMENT. Sarah and Mary agree they’d much rather gamble and be friends with the evil twin as the other one is a varsity snooze...

Sarah and Mary offer their first impressions of the MAFS season 12 participants along with their thoughts on the couples—who they think will make it long term, and who they think will crash and burn. From “elderly” 38-year-old, Jacob, to Paige, a full-time accountant with Jesus in her heart and eating ass on her mind, the ladies agree, wholeheartedly, that this season is probably going to be prett...

In Lifetime's “The Wrong Fiancé,” Mary concludes that Abby is a garbage human being and not even worthy of stalking. Sarah questions small town law enforcement practices, smartphone fonts and where on earth she can get Vivica A. Fox’s tracksuit—because it’s amazing. Without ever having been shot in the leg, both Sarah and Mary agree that they’d handle it better than Richard did.   Subscribe, like,...

Due to Charles's ill-fitting suits in “The Wrong Real Estate Agent", Sarah becomes suspicious of Lifetime’s wardrobe budget.  Mary is in awe of Julie’s impeccable moisturizing regimen and stylish jammie game, plus Sarah wows Mary with her detailed knowledge of raccoon grooming habits. The main character's grasp of common sense is repeatedly called into question—and neither Sarah nor Mary can be bo...

In this week's episode, the Lifetime Movie, “The Baby Stealer.” Sarah is perplexed by Peter’s dependence on a clock radio, which—along with his mother’s use of a boombox—indicates these characters are from the 90’s. Mary is shook by the idea of someone taking her phone away, and questions when, if ever, she’d call 911. They both lose their patience calling out several plot points that go absolutel...

'Tis the season for Lifetime's “A Christmas Break". Sarah thinks the enthusiasm and dedication of “Hollywood Dylan’s” manager, Garth, is completely unrealistic – or is it just that all of Sarah’s managers have been lazy? Mary is (rightfully) furious with the poor execution of the middle school play. Both Sarah and Mary confuse middle school and high school throughout the entire movie and – as it t...

Sarah struggles to make a few plot connections in Lifetime's “Pretty Little Dead Girl” and is not happy with how the “detectives” handled their crap investigation, she then loses focus and shares some hot bartending tips. Mary scoffs at debate clubs and wonders if Emma might have benefited more from a personality transplant than a new heart. They both agree that the mom is shady and the dad’s a do...