Anything But Vanilla Podcast

Are you a hopeless romantic? Do you believe love conquers all? That it can overcome even the most challenging of obstacles? You’ll be surprised, dear listeners, to find out that one of the ladies does believe in a love like this (or the idea of it) and it may not be who you think.  Welcome in to episode 65, where someone is playing at life like they are on 90 Day Fiancé, and the gals are having no...

Women. We are tough humans. We are smart. We are witty. We are clever. We are intelligent. We are funny. We are caring. We are cunning. We are protectors. We, as women, are a lot of things, most of them positive: so then why is it that a large number of us devolve into mini monsters when it comes to that fateful day- our wedding day?! We dear listeners don’t have the answer to this question. We ar...

This year. This fucking year. I think it’s safe to say, dear listeners, that we all have some version of this same refrain. You lost your job? Cool one of us did too. You haven’t seen your family in more than 6 months? Yep, that’s going on this way as well. You lost a parent, a friend, a family member or loved one? You bet your sweet as we know how that feels. So what does one do when this garbage...

This damn coronavirus has taught us a lot about ourselves, our family, our significant others and out friends. Wouldn’t you agree dear listeners? Well, when you set Claire and Fran on the corona relationship case, you might not like the answers you get, and they may be wrong, so its your fault for asking them in the first place. MMMMMMMkay? Welcome in to episode 62 where we discover that friends c...

This week, Fran totally slacked off (JK, JK, she has a newborn and we decided to give her a break) and your favorite cynical co-host, Erica, is back and dishing the gossip. She shares how life has been as a single woman in the Q. Welcome in to episode 61 where Claire and Erica do what they're best at: talk shit and laugh. Our highs this week involved family (Angel Baby is 2! Mom visits!) and...

What’s better then getting to record a podcast live in person with one of your favorite people on this planet? Not much, is the answer. And with corona on the rise in our fair state, these two sad sacks are back to recording from a distance. Do you, dear listeners feel our despair?!  Can you hear it in our voices? Do you see it in the name calling we engage in as a way to get our anger out?! Cool....

What is better than getting to finally be in the same room as your best friend, cocktail in hand, talking shit, making one another laugh and getting a booty shot by their significant other? What? What could be better? Saying fuck the police and knowing their are finally others who feel the same way you do about this oppressive, racist institution- that’s what.  Welcome in to episode 59, the post s...

On this podcast we believe that Black Lives Matter. Period. There is nothing to argue there. We also believe that systemic racism is present in the police force across all 50 states. We believe that the police should be defunded. We believe that there should be justice for the countless Black, Indigenous, and People of Color who have lost their lives as a result of police racism, bias and brutalit...

If you thought you were getting a week off from Fran’s man voice- guess what Bitches???? You were wrong. Clearly this lady is such a workaholic (read thirst monster) she can’t even take a week off from the pod after having a baby. So enjoy the sweet sounds of a fussy baby and the incoherent ramblings of a tired mom- you can tell Claire is loving it!!! Welcome in to episode 57, where Claire has the...

Welcome in to episode 56! This is the LAST episode before FRAN FINALLY HAS HER FUCKING BABY. Can we get an AMEN?!? Our week in review include Claire's perfect summer afternoon/evening and a SIP birthday party for Fran's oldest son. This week's news is bittersweet: a love story of teenagers getting married while one is dying. This prompts a disagreement (shocker!) between Claire the...

Shelter in place is getting a little spicy this week!!!! Did Claire and Fran create some quarantine fic for this weeks advice? Has SIP turned the ladies into some hornballs just like the rest of these United States? You be the judge. Welcome in to episode 55, where content is getting hot and heavy and Fran might pop out this baby any second.  This week in review brings listeners the good (Fran got...

Another day, another socially distanced episode coming at you from the homes of Fran and Claire! What will they talk about? (Rona related bullshit for sure) Will they argue about something? (duh, you know who you are listening to, right?) Will you roll your eyes, laugh out loud a pick a side during this episode? (You bet you’re sweet ass ya will) Welcome in to episode 54, where the margaritas are...

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the day’s of the ‘Rona pandemic and this damn shelter in place. Are you all starting to feel the Groundhog Day-ness of it all?!?! Yeah, we are too. But, good news! The ladies of ABV are here to help you forget your cares (not really we have hella anxiety) make you laugh (we hope-but we often argue which we recognize is stressful and not always funny) and ge...

Its week...well, who knows how many weeks or days we have been sheltered in place at this point. Does it matter? Time is a flat circle, are we right?!?! Anybody? Hello? Welcome in to episode 52 , where Claire is being the judgiest bitch this side of the Sacramento River and Fran is delusional about how her drink is tasting. This week in review brings our listeners some bright spots (Time outside i...

Week five of shelter in place brings you, dear listeners, bomb blood orange margaritas, birthday celebrations, walks down memory lane and haters. Always haters.  Welcome in to episode 50, where Claire is always trying to look on the bright side- even when the hate is a little too real.  This week in review brings our listeners some bright spots (Claire celebrated her sons 4th birthday!) and some n...

Week four of shelter in place brings listeners a large milestone in the life and times of ABV... the one year anniversary of recording, arguing, loving, hating, laughing, crying and most importantly...drinking! What have the ladies loved the most about this past year you ask? It’s not that interesting so if you want, you are welcome to skip this part.  Welcome in to episode 50, where if you recall...

Week three of shelter in place has the ladies of ABV feeling opinionated, feisty,  argumentative and ornery. Wait a hot second- how is that any different from any other week in the friendship of Claire and Fran? It’s not- don’t be fooled.  Welcome in to episode 49, where the ladies cannot find one thing this week that they agree on and the talking over one another shows it. This week in review bri...

Week two of shelter in place has got these ladies making all sorts of weird confessions- some of which you may have wanted to hear, others you definitely did not. But you, dear listeners, are the ones tuning in, so you only have yourselves to blame. We wash our hands of any of it.   Welcome in to episode 48 where Claire is telling you all about her lack of experience with purchasing sex toys and F...

What to do when a pandemic has you sheltering in place, you can’t get closer than 6ft to others and there are no cleaning, paper products and milk at the grocery stores? Why listen to Claire and Fran, of course! Weird times call for episodes coming out late, Claire trying to call Fran out and being clearly wrong and Fran being oppositional, stubborn and angry. Nothing changes on this pod, even in...

How does one stay friends with their “best friend” after an insult is hurled so brazenly? Can a relationship be repaired when someone uses the “T-Word”? Is Claire acting like our ass clown, train wreck, corrupt, lying president? Is Fran justified in her name calling? You be the judge.  Welcome in to episode 46, where the ladies are back to their old arguments, Claire is getting drunk and Fran is b...

What dear listeners do you think you were born to do? Save lives? Help others? Work with underprivileged children? Well, naturally, the ladies have some ideas about what they were born to do and let’s just say that it doesn’t have much of a moral upside.  Welcome in to episode 45! Where the ladies will do almost anything if you pay them enough and if someone could help them set up their dominatrix...

Do you, or anyone you know, happen to have the number of a girl or guy who could hook it up with the cute printed diapers that babies wear? Yes?! Ok... but not for babies, we will be needing those in adult sizes, please and thank you kindly. Also, we will be stealing all your cute miniature sized items (think mini salt shaker) if you allow us in your home or establishment. K. Thanks.  Welcome in t...

Let’s pretend you have a friend who is pregnant and who can’t get drunk with you anymore but who still enjoys her drink when she can. Do you A) phone in the drinks you make her and half ass your effort or B) lovingly give thoughtful effort to the one craft cocktail she gets to drink? If you are the former, you are a bad friend and you are in the dog house with Claire this week... jkjkjk.  Welcome...

Have you been waiting with baited breath to see who won our worst ex contest and the name of the cockroach that will be fed to a sweet little meerkat at the El Paso zoo! Well wait no more! Welcome in to episode 142, where pregnant hosts are proclaiming that they are drunk and somebody might call CPS! This week Claire has so many roses to share (and Fran is finally better) and some thorns (Baby nam...

Hey, ABV listeners. We are lookin’ at you. Nay, we are lookin’ out for you. And as Valentine’s Day is around the corner, boy do we got you all a treat. Have you been spurned? Burned? Ghosted? Blocked? Is there someone giving you all the feels of 10,000 fiery hot hells in your gut during this season of love? Well, if there is, let Flaire help you. This week the ladies of ABV are giving one lucky li...