Amateur to Pro

In This Episode: Why my "sleeper blog" about tradeoffs struck a nerve The surprising truth: FOMO is a feature, not a bug Why needing to make choices is an "embarrassment of riches" The esoteric but powerful truth about free will and co-creation How to become a true "Master of Tradeoffs" Three Mindset Shifts for Mastering Tradeoffs: 1. Accept That You'll Always Wonder "What If" Whatever choice you...

Years ago, one of the first principles I learned from my coach at the time, Steve Chandler, was to transform expectations into agreements. This practice alone has had the most profound impact on my life— shifting it from one of constant disappointments and simmering resentments to one of ease, peace, and lightness. Strong words, I know. But true, nonetheless. You see, most of us live in expectatio...

Since the beginning of history, humans have had an innate understanding that we can’t have it all at the same time. The art of skillful negotiation—with others and, most importantly, with ourselves—was born of this radical understanding and acceptance. The truth that life is a series of tradeoffs was largely undisputed until sometime in the middle of the last century. Perhaps it was the long-overd...

Even if a coach “specializes” or has a niche, each client within that demographic is still a completely different person. They might benefit from some of the same learnings as others with similar challenges, but they will always need a special tool created just for them. That special tool is often created from the Coach’s unique gifts and passions. Mine is “Mothering.”

Cultivating our Negative Capabilities expands our capacity to endure uncomfortable emotions, navigate the unexplainable behavior of others, and cope with uncertainty—without believing we must do something about it NOW! I’ve come to believe that mastering this life skill is as essential—and as transformative– as being action-oriented. Often, the most effective solution to a problem is no action at...

I teach and coach through distinctions—not because I think life is binary or that things are either true or false (although I do believe some things are), but because the mind understands and learns concepts more easily when presented with clear contrasts. We must have a clear understanding of black and white before we can understand what creates the color gray. Our mind must grasp the difference...

It’s not unusual for me to start a coaching session by asking, “What would make this conversation extraordinary for you?” Because coaching is all about going from good to great—ordinary to extraordinary. And yet, my greatest hope and wish for my clients, loved ones and myself is to be consistently blessed with the ordinary.

What are the one or two questions you are asked most often? It’s worth slowing down to consider, because it’s not just a reflection of others’ curiosity about you, the answer to these questions illuminates who you are—your priorities, and your deepest values. In my life, two questions come my way regularly: “What’s Life Coaching?” and “Why do you do Ultramarathon races?”

Let me start by sharing a truth about parenting I’ve come to believe in wholeheartedly: “You can’t get it right.” If humility is your destination, parenting is the most direct and effective path to get there. Just when you think you got it right with one child, another comes along—and you quickly realize you may know nothing at all! As a mother of two, I feel like it’s impossible to be a good pare...

“Why so hard on yourself?” I asked my not-yet-client, Linda. It was one of our first “discovery” conversations, where someone interested in being coached by me learns how I work. And crucially, I’m looking for the incredibly hidden—and for most, hard-to-read—signs that they are really, truly, ready—in fact, past ready—to make a change. I’ve been coaching women of all ages for the last decade, and...

A dear reader and friend in my coaching community, John, asked, “Carolyn, how do you balance healthy self-interest with the need to be fully present for those you care about?” The question surfaced after I shared with him how privileged I felt to have my family visit for two weeks in Lake Tahoe—the paradise I call home. At the same time, I felt conflicted because while they were on vacation, I was...

Yesterday morning, a client of mine, Peter, sent me a lovely text stating the following: Peter: "You’re like the human AI!" Me: "Why?" Peter: "Because you’ve read every non-fiction book ever written and you have a book recommendation for every dilemma." Peter is exaggerating, but it’s true that I've always been a reader. In a way, I’ve been educating myself through books since I was in my teens. I...

What is a piece of wisdom that you feel you have consumed and digested in your life and would now like to share with others? She continued, “Wisdom that has been an especially powerful force in your life and in who you are today…” Well, I have a few things to share, but first, it’s important to get aligned on the meaning of wisdom. Let’s pick up where we left off in “Wisdom I paid for. So you don’...

Recently, a friend, who is also a Professional Coach, asked me the following question: What is a piece of wisdom that you feel you have consumed and digested in your life and would now like to share with others? She continued, “Wisdom that has been an especially powerful force in your life and in who you are today…” Well, I have a few things to share, but first, it’s important to get aligned on th...

Personality is a myth. For many of us, it’s also a lifelong distraction from our purpose. We are trained from a young age to believe that this thing we call our personality is something solid, fixed, and foundational. While still growing into who we may one day become, we hear our parents make seemingly innocent comments like: “He’s just like his dad.” “He was stubborn from the first day of his li...

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how certain emotions can feel like companions—uninvited ones that show up and stay longer than expected. As a Life and Leadership Coach, I help my clients build the awareness, courage, and skill to sit with their difficult emotions without buffering through the countless distractions available to us—overdrinking, overeating, overworking, porn, social media and every...

This past weekend, I attended my nephew’s high school graduation. As I watched the ceremony, I was struck by how mature and composed so many of the graduating seniors appeared—they looked like fully formed adults, seemingly ready to take on the world. It took me back to my own high school graduation. I remember feeling just as grown-up, confident, capable, and eager for what was next. Only now, wi...

The more time I spend outdoors, the deeper I fall in love with trees.   Trees are the wisest teachers a human can have.   Trees are everything I aspire to become.   Trees are patient. Trees are generous. Trees don’t question their worthiness or mine. Trees grow underground networks to help other trees thrive. Trees tolerate human stupidity, like when we carve our initials into them,...

Is there something magical about Transformational Coaching? At first, it can feel that way. You start in a place that seems almost impossible to change—and somehow, you end up somewhere entirely different. Even when your external circumstances remain the same (your job, relationship, business, etc.), everything has changed. But those of us who’ve experienced this kind of magic—whether as coach, cl...

Your AI friend will tell you that we use the word radical when we are going to the root or origin of something and making significant changes. In the context of acceptance and responsibility, radical means always, not sometimes. It means doing it when it’s difficult, uncomfortable, and exactly what we don’t want to do. It means turning these two practices into life values and operating principles,...

If I’ve learned one thing in my career as a Professional Coach, it’s this: all change begins with Radical Acceptance. Think back on your life and identify one meaningful change you made that stayed with you. I promise you—it started with fully (and often painfully) accepting your current reality. Radical Acceptance is necessary, but not sufficient, to create the changes so many of us long for in o...

Virginia Woolf wrote, “...for a self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living.” We all recognize the truth in Woolf’s words, yet we expend incredible energy to resist change! I know people who prefer a certain death to the uncertainty of change.

“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” — Physicist and Chemist, Marie Curie I realize that I have feared—and continue to fear—many things throughout my days and life. Some of those fears I’ve conquered; others are still a work in progress. Marie Curie is absolutely right in saying that understanding is the antid...

This week, Jews all around the world are observing Passover, a recollection of our ancestors' time as slaves and a grateful recalling of their journey to freedom. If you believe in symbols, as I do, Passover is rife with them. Every seemingly old-fashioned ritual is a puzzle piece in the larger picture that symbolizes freedom from slavery.

“Why should I work with a Professional Coach?” Let’s be honest—you’ve probably asked yourself this before. No matter how much you learn about coaching, it’s still hard to understand why people would pay so much for something you can’t see, wear, or drive. It’s not always easy to explain to others, leaving you feeling foolish or indulgent.