All the Fucks

Happy holidays, Fuckbuddies! Well, Jen + Lillian meant to bring the merry and bright, but instead succeeded in bringing the creepy and horny. It's a Christmas miracle!

Gobble gobble, fuckbuddies! Who are we kidding? Thanksgiving is *hard.* Being on earth is *hard.* Come cuddle with Jen + Lillian and listen to us re-regulate and re-parent after a lifetime of holiday trauma!

Now that spOoOky szn is over, Jen + Lillian are nesting cozy and diving deep into some of the best ways to take care of ourselves, through the holidays and beyond.

Happy SpoOoOoOky Halloween, fuckbuddies! We're back with more spine-tingling tales for a very scintillating Samhain! So turn off the lights, grab fistfuls of candy, and remember that whatever you are for Halloween, you are obviously the Sexy Version.

We're back from summer vacation, fuckbuddies--and all we got was this darn COVID. Stories of maladies, melodies, and no-undies galore in our grand return, plus: spOoOoOoky Halloween!

We're fat as hell, and we're not gonna take it anymore! (Thanks to IN-209, New York's new legislation protecting workers from size discrimination!) Today, Jen + Lillian celebrate this landmark win, advocate for body neutrality despite being unreasonably hot, and talk a whole lot about the labor revolution that we find ourselves in. And actors--you can be part of it RIGHT NOW! Vote YES to this stri...

Happy spring, fuckbuddies! What a time to pack up a pic-i-nic basket, stroll through the Meadowlands, and find... an abandoned asylum? Join Jen + Lillian as they uncover one of the weirdest places in North Jersey--Snake Hill. (Spoiler alert: it's basically the plot of POLTERGEIST!)

Hop in the back and come on down to the Pine Barrens of New Jersey with Jen + Lillian! Don't worry if you forgot your flashlights--the blazing red eyes from the creatures in the woods will light the way! Today, we dish on the trouble with Wife Guys, the many storied creatures of the Garden State, and the bird app that you actually *should* download.

It's true--we're still back, baby! Today, Jen+ Lillian discuss the transformative EAT, PRAY, LOVE trips of their lives. From nostalgic camp memories to fleeing nuclear fallout, the stories today are cathartic, cinematic, and a little ridiculous.

WELCOME TO SEASON SOMETHING! What season is it? We don't know! But we've been hugging your ears for 3+ years, and this is a glorious return from a long hiatus, so here we are. Jen + Lillian kick off this season with a boatload of feelings and hormones as we deep-dive into the works of Judy Blume--a woman who wrote your whole adolescence, but who is infinitely more amazing and radical than we ever...

We can't let November begin without one more send-up to spOoOoOky Halloween! We talk Jen's first proper adult Halloween, definitively rank the best horror movie baddies, and try to fight the siren call of maternity pants--all before we chill you to the bone with more terrifying stories from beyond the veil.  

Are you ready for another spOoOoOky Halloween with Jen + Lillian, fuckbuddies? We are thrilled to bring back the infinitely creepy Jezebel stories, true tales from dubious dating apps, chilling chateaus, and--as ever--fucking Florida. 

While convalescing bedside--respectively from un-COVID and knee surgery--Jen + Lillian wax rhapsodic about high school reunions, the joy of Amazon Slime, and exciting fat representation on TV. 

After an impossibly frought and endless sojourn in the Midwest, Jen finally rejoins Lillian in the land of the  ̶f̶r̶e̶e̶  pizza--New Friggin' Jersey. Listen to a tale of an unbelivable move that gets more and more bonkers as we go!

Yes we know it's been 5 weeks, but have you seen planet Earth recently? THIS PLACE IS BONKERS. Catch up with Jen + Lillian right before things went absolutely hogwild (why yes, that is an early tidbit of next week's episode) as they process some of the most fascist, doom-mongering shit 2022 had to throw! But there is a silver lining... and it tastes like Jamba Juice.  -- Want more information on f...

Here it is, your first brand new episode from Jen + Lillian! There's no theme today, fuckbuddies--just two best friends who haven't done a full "I can't even" download for seven whole months. Learn about why we've been gone, Southern colonial dinner fare, and who's getting hot and heavy (spoiler: it's a puppy!).

In a final unaired episode, Jen + Lillian explore their journals from their first intrepid days in the world as Grown-Ups (read: freshly 23, and brand-new in New York City with a BA in Theatre Arts). And oh boy, does the Big Apple have some adventures in store for these two young, green, pie-eyed gals. Get ready for tales of questionable student films, early days of Ani DiFranco, and all the multi...

What smells like Sun-Ripened Raspberry? In this unaired episode, Jen + Lillian return to their hometown malls of yore: neon-laced atriums with Corndogs on a Stick, Suncoast Video--and a Wet Seal, if you were really lucky. Long live our abandoned pigeon palaces! (Related: The Life and Death of the Phillipsburg Mall ) 

Jen + Lillian are BACK, Fuckbuddies! And to kick off a brand new season (?), we present to you Jen's favorite format: My Best Friend's Best Friend. Today, meet Kay Koch, the Jim Henson to Jen's Frank Oz. Kay and Jen wax rhapsodic with Lillian about walrus fails, chivalrous sheep, and how many pelvic exams are too many?  |   The Weirdos Next Door

OKAY SO WE KNOW THIS IS WEIRD. We know it's been 196 days since we checked in, said hello, kept you company in the car-shower-kitchen-dark. Lots of you are asking: is All the Fucks over? Nay, fuckbuddies--WE ARE BACK! We're here, we're queer, we're taking our meds and trying our best! Get ready for the return of your (we hope favorite) rad fat fairy godmothers as they process a whole lotta life an...

Fuckbuddies, it's Lillian's birthday! Join Jen + the birthday girl as Jen paints a glorious picture of Capricorn Excellence, we reflect on some of the best internetting for our mental health, and we chase our desires for the year ahead. 

What's that, fuckbuddies? The world is one giant FOX Christmas tree on fire? Let Jen + Lillian distract you with a great big Dollop of Christmasy proportions--1986's BABES IN TOYLAND, starring an eerily on-the-brink Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves in his most adorable role of all time! And if you haven't seen this epic, traumatizing gem, don't wait one more moment--it's on Prime right now. You're...

Fuckbuddies, we know--it's shaping up to look like another superspreader Christmas. Whether you are hunkering down, testing positive, or avoiding a long-awaited flight, Jen + Lillian are here to bring you a little bit of comfort and warmth, and a reminder that not absolutely everything this year was horrid. As we remember our high points of 2021, we encourage you to take inventory of the blessings...

LOLOL. Well fuckbuddies, what more do you expect from our second Christmas in quarantine?! A journey down Kris Kringle lane gets interrupted by a tech snafu, and Jen cobbles together something for your virtual stockings from the peaceful oasis of Newark Liberty Airport. Ho Ho Ho! 

Welcome back, fuckbuddies! Ever mock up a hall pass or fake a headache to get out of dodgeball? Today, Jen + Lillian reflect on those seemingly innocuous childhood tendencies that, frankly... should have warranted a bit more adult intervention. With our collective goldfish memories, social withdrawal and chronic IBS, the kids are not, in fact, all right.