Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen

“I don't mean to brag... but I'm the greatest” Episode 146 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 Jeopardy-ing, slam dunking, yo mamma-ing classic White Men Can't Jump. Ryan and Mark talk about sexist tradesmen, decorating the Sistine Chapel and whether Rosie Perez ruins this film. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd lik...

"Stop eating my sesame cake" Episode 145 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 hippo attacking, sign language-ing, gorilla lasering classic Congo. Ryan and Mark talk about the dark web, U2, and Laura Linney wiping out an entire species of mammal. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episodes and...

"You're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot." Episode 144 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1980 gun-toting, sexually harassing, boss tying classic 9 to 5. Ryan and Mark talk about Ed Sheeran, an alternative Wizard of Oz and why Dolly's breasts are so pointy.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see...

"Let's take it to the limit one more time" Episode 143 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2006 mojito-ing, Ferrari driving, Go Fast boating classic Miami Vice. Ryan and Mark talk about how Nelson's cruise, Cullen's tattoo and whether this is a good film or a cool film. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in...

"Yes they deserved to die and I hope they burn in hell" Episode 142 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 vigilante justicing, drink driving, constantly sweating classic A Time To Kill. Ryan and Mark talk about how much you think people would pay for your ransom, why comedian's posters are so bad, and discuss whether this is the sweatiest film of all time. Please...

"Life, uh, finds a way" Episode 141 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 DNA cloning, velociraptoring, 65 million years in the making classic Jurassic Park. Ryan and Mark talk about what you would do if you trap skin in your zip, Nelson being attacked and why John Hammond absolutely did spare expense.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast...

"Did you just say you went "poopie"?" Episode 140 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000 mass ejaculating, hoover humping, horror spoofing classic Scary Movie. Ryan and Mark talk about escape rooms, the best names for substances and 6 reasons why this film would never, EVER get made now. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you...

A special peek behind the curtains of what our Patreons are getting as Mark And Ryan discuss the 2012 dodgy teachering, Vanilla Iceing, close relationing classic That's My Boy. It is safe to say it is the wildest film we have ever seen so we thought it was too good to not get out to the public as well. Patreons get these special Patreon nominated episodes as well as a whole host of other regular e...

"You don't run, not when you're with us... You stand your ground and fight" Episode 139 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 West Haming, Yank Journaling, callinng it soccering classic Green Street. Ryan and Mark pitch their new film Dr Congo, Nelson talks about his Boston experience and they debate whether Frodo would ever be able to throw a punch.  Please get...

"Are you trying to mug me off in front of my pals?" Episode 138 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2004 granny smashing, Chelsea booting, Zeberdeeing classic The Football Factory. Ryan and Mark talk about Scotland fans in Boston, Nelson's constant anxiety and whether they would've been good hooligans. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, wh...

"I'd rather die like a man than live like a coward" Episode 137 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 chain wearing, bullet proof vesting, gangsta rapping classic Get Rich Or Die Tryin. Ryan and Mark talk about Christian Eriksen exploding, our holiday in Croatia and why every film should have a naked men fighting in the shower scene. Please get in touch and let u...

"Put the bunny back in the box" Episode 136 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 Billy Bedlaming, Diamond Dogging, Cyrus Da Damn Virusing classic Con Air. Ryan and Mark talk about Cullen's worst death for years, whether people who jump in front of trains are selfish and who would be cast in a modern version of Con Air. Please get in touch and let us know if you...

"Time to separate the man from the boys." Episode 135 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1988 constant montageing, face gurning, leg splitting classic Bloodsport. Ryan and Mark talk about sober podcasters, removing skin tags and the greatest uppercut in cinema history. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in...

"I tried to take it back... but it was too late." Episode 134 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999 mouse circusing, dry sponging, fly spewing classic The Green Mile. Ryan and Mark talk Cullen making tea when he is drunk, Nelson's trip to Australia and why John Coffey is the biggest player in Louisiana.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcas...

Our first ever live show recorded at the top of the Alps in Maryhofen, Austria.  Yeah we were surprised as well. We are also joined by our first ever special guest, the wonderful comedian Paul Smith. We talk about naked saunas, Aperol Spritz and delve into Paul's first ever acting role. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episode...

"The only good bug is a dead bug" Episode 133 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 communal showering, brain sucking, SS costuming classic Starship Troopers. Ryan and Mark talk people not having kids, sex at JP Morgan and why this is one of the most intelligent films ever made.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like...

"You want to kill me don't you Tucker? Well take a number and get in line." Episode 132 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 girlfriend dropping, human sledging, stalactite maiming classic Cliffhanger. Ryan and Mark talk Cullen's worst ever meal, breast reductions and why no one in this film is good at their job.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy...

"I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing" Episode 131 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 Jack Rabbit Slimming, bring out the Gimping, Ezekiel 25-17ing classic Pulp Fiction. Ryan and Mark talk about robots running marathons, the Michael Jackson biopic and why Butch girlfriend is the worst character in all of films.  Please get in touch and let us know if yo...

"One night you'll close your eyes, and when they open I'll be there. It'll be time to die." Episode 130 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1985 constant bazooka-ing double denim-ing, roundhouse kicking classic Invasion USA. Ryan and Mark talk about our live show in the Alps, racist audience members and why this film has the worst terrorists of all time. Please get...

"I'm the bad guy?" Episode 129 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 car ditching, roadworks bazooka-ing, Whammy Burgering classic Falling Down Ryan and Mark talk about the first episode of SNL UK, why Nelson won't order cocktails and which of the film's scenarios would make us lose it. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you...

"Dog-pile of piss-poor physique on top of a small cock and hereditary alcoholism" Episode 128 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2006 facial reconstructing, calfskin jacket jizzing, Alicia Keysing classic Smokin' Aces. Ryan and Mark talk about their upcoming live show, the Oscar results and rank this film's hitmen and women. Please get in touch and let us know if y...

"Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina" Episode 127 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999 whipped cream bikini-ing, mass concussion-ing, hook and laddering classic Varsity Blues. Ryan and Mark talk about Nelson being aggressive at the cinema, Americans being angry at geography and how many crimes the kids in this film ar...

"The painting was gift Todd" Episode 126 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 purple hearting, motorboating, under the table jerking classic Wedding Crashers. Ryan and Mark talk about cartels, the furore at the BAFTAS, and whether lying to get your hole is really that bad. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to se...

"Around me, if a woman don't wear mink, she don't wear nuttin'." Episode 125 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1990 tommy gunning, tramp beating, flat-topping classic Dick Tracy. Ryan and Mark talk about Cullen's Valentine's Day card, joining the French foreign legion and why Warren Beatty is Hollywood's greatest shagger.  Please get in touch and let us know if yo...

"How can you shoot a guy taking a dump? I mean, seriously, that's sacred" Episode 124 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2008 Korean insulting, double crossing, cop snitching classic Street Kings. Ryan and Mark talk about how overrated cake is, the Superbowl and whether Keanu belongs on the Mount Rushmore of action stars.  Please get in touch and let us know if you...