Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen

"Are you trying to mug me off in front of my pals?" Episode 138 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2004 granny smashing, Chelsea booting, Zeberdeeing classic The Football Factory. Ryan and Mark talk about Scotland fans in Boston, Nelson's constant anxiety and whether they would've been good hooligans. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, wh...

"I'd rather die like a man than live like a coward" Episode 137 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 chain wearing, bullet proof vesting, gangsta rapping classic Get Rich Or Die Tryin. Ryan and Mark talk about Christian Eriksen exploding, our holiday in Croatia and why every film should have a naked men fighting in the shower scene. Please get in touch and let u...

"Put the bunny back in the box" Episode 136 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 Billy Bedlaming, Diamond Dogging, Cyrus Da Damn Virusing classic Con Air. Ryan and Mark talk about Cullen's worst death for years, whether people who jump in front of trains are selfish and who would be cast in a modern version of Con Air. Please get in touch and let us know if you...

"Time to separate the man from the boys." Episode 135 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1988 constant montageing, face gurning, leg splitting classic Bloodsport. Ryan and Mark talk about sober podcasters, removing skin tags and the greatest uppercut in cinema history. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in...

"I tried to take it back... but it was too late." Episode 134 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999 mouse circusing, dry sponging, fly spewing classic The Green Mile. Ryan and Mark talk Cullen making tea when he is drunk, Nelson's trip to Australia and why John Coffey is the biggest player in Louisiana.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcas...

Our first ever live show recorded at the top of the Alps in Maryhofen, Austria.  Yeah we were surprised as well. We are also joined by our first ever special guest, the wonderful comedian Paul Smith. We talk about naked saunas, Aperol Spritz and delve into Paul's first ever acting role. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episode...

"The only good bug is a dead bug" Episode 133 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 communal showering, brain sucking, SS costuming classic Starship Troopers. Ryan and Mark talk people not having kids, sex at JP Morgan and why this is one of the most intelligent films ever made.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like...

"You want to kill me don't you Tucker? Well take a number and get in line." Episode 132 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 girlfriend dropping, human sledging, stalactite maiming classic Cliffhanger. Ryan and Mark talk Cullen's worst ever meal, breast reductions and why no one in this film is good at their job.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy...

"I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing" Episode 131 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 Jack Rabbit Slimming, bring out the Gimping, Ezekiel 25-17ing classic Pulp Fiction. Ryan and Mark talk about robots running marathons, the Michael Jackson biopic and why Butch girlfriend is the worst character in all of films.  Please get in touch and let us know if yo...

"One night you'll close your eyes, and when they open I'll be there. It'll be time to die." Episode 130 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1985 constant bazooka-ing double denim-ing, roundhouse kicking classic Invasion USA. Ryan and Mark talk about our live show in the Alps, racist audience members and why this film has the worst terrorists of all time. Please get...

"I'm the bad guy?" Episode 129 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 car ditching, roadworks bazooka-ing, Whammy Burgering classic Falling Down Ryan and Mark talk about the first episode of SNL UK, why Nelson won't order cocktails and which of the film's scenarios would make us lose it. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you...

"Dog-pile of piss-poor physique on top of a small cock and hereditary alcoholism" Episode 128 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2006 facial reconstructing, calfskin jacket jizzing, Alicia Keysing classic Smokin' Aces. Ryan and Mark talk about their upcoming live show, the Oscar results and rank this film's hitmen and women. Please get in touch and let us know if y...

"Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina" Episode 127 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999 whipped cream bikini-ing, mass concussion-ing, hook and laddering classic Varsity Blues. Ryan and Mark talk about Nelson being aggressive at the cinema, Americans being angry at geography and how many crimes the kids in this film ar...

"The painting was gift Todd" Episode 126 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 purple hearting, motorboating, under the table jerking classic Wedding Crashers. Ryan and Mark talk about cartels, the furore at the BAFTAS, and whether lying to get your hole is really that bad. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to se...

"Around me, if a woman don't wear mink, she don't wear nuttin'." Episode 125 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1990 tommy gunning, tramp beating, flat-topping classic Dick Tracy. Ryan and Mark talk about Cullen's Valentine's Day card, joining the French foreign legion and why Warren Beatty is Hollywood's greatest shagger.  Please get in touch and let us know if yo...

"How can you shoot a guy taking a dump? I mean, seriously, that's sacred" Episode 124 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2008 Korean insulting, double crossing, cop snitching classic Street Kings. Ryan and Mark talk about how overrated cake is, the Superbowl and whether Keanu belongs on the Mount Rushmore of action stars.  Please get in touch and let us know if you...

"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again" Episode 123 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1991 liver eating, jizz flinging, Buffalo Billing classic The Silence Of The Lambs. Ryan and Mark talk about Epstein island photographers, sleeping in an airport and why this film makes Jodie Foster out to be the sexiest woman alive.   Please get in touch...

"You can't handle the truth" Episode 122 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 Code Red-ing, softball bat thinking, Guantanamo Bay-ing,  classic A Few Good Men. Ryan and Mark talk about smelling your clothes, Netflix almost broadcasting a snuff film and whether murdering a Marine is ever okay.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what gu...

"P-A-R-T-Y? Cos I GOTTA" Episode 121 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 red dress smouldering, wolf whistling, Cuban Pete-ing classic The Mask. Ryan and Mark talk about how pathetic Andrew Tate is, getting a hair in your mouth and why The Mask is the villain of this film. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to s...

"I steer a little bit, but the reindeer do most of the work" Episode 120 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2022 Santa vomiting, hammer wielding, chimney disembowling classic Violent Night. Ryan and Mark discuss Cullen's Dad committing crimes, the worst possible death imagineable and why Santa has a bigger kill count than most movie characters. Please get in touch...

Here you go Cuts. The best of all the episodes so far. Our funniest clips so far as chosen by our wonderful patreons.    Apologies for our absence. This is due to circumstance massively out-with our control. All will be explained.    Mark and Ryan will be back next week with the last of your Christmas specials VIOLENT NIGHT and a patreon only episode where we tackle the classic BONE ALONE.

"Merry Christmas. Shitter was full" Episode 119 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1989 tree felling, sled crashing, cat frying classic National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Ryan and Mark discuss Mick McCarthy, why some kids shouldn't get Christmas presents and how Clark W Griswold is the horniest movie Dad. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the pod...

"PUT THE COOKIE DOWN, NOW" Episode 118 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 neighbour shagging, reindeer lamping, Turbomanning classic Jingle All The Way. Ryan and Mark discuss Christmas gigs, the World Cup draw and how this film has the most inappropriate character in any Christmas film. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests...

"Rand Peltzer, Fantastic ideas for a Fantastic World, I make the illogical logical" Episode 117 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1984 bright lighting, wet getting, after Midnight feeding classic Gremlins. Ryan and Mark discuss the various gifts that Cuts fans have given us, Robbie Williams' boyband Battle Royale and Nelson has theories about what Gremlins is actu...

"Do heavy metalers eat chips, Larry?" Episode 116 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 nappy battering, dog flattening, Packie Bonnar penalty saving classic The Van. Ryan and Mark discuss Scotland's triumphant return to the World Cup, Wicked and how we have now completed or first trilogy, the Barrytown saga.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the...