A Life, Folded

Perhaps as you go about making your new year's goals and undertaking a self-audit of your relationships, you have come to a disconcerting realization: that you are allowing, even encouraging, people to use you as their own personal doormats. People pleasing and unfettered helping behaviors at the expense of your own needs are often a survival skill adopted to navigate toxic relationships. The prob...

After learning that I was married to a narcissist, I began doing a lot of research to learn and make sense of my life. I was so surprised to read that one common complaint about narcissists is their purposeful habit of interrupting the proper sleep and rest of their partners. That had been my experience too; I had no idea I was not alone in living this through this kind of manipulative behavior. W...

Have you suffered issues with depression after being betrayed by your intimate partner? If you have, please know that this is an extremely normal reaction to such a jarring and traumatizing event in life, but it seems that it is not spoken about as frequently as other health issues. Have you also found that when you are vulnerable and open up about your struggles, the supportive reaction that you...

His porn use must have something to do with you, right? If you looked more like a porn star, had the surgical enhancements they have, he'd stop, right? You can change and that will make him change, right? WRONG. Porn use, emotional affairs, and nefarious cheating has nothing to do with you and it never has. This is about an individual is choosing to hide behind porn use instead of addressing their...

How can we discern if behaviors in our relationship are simply troubling or moving into an area where undue influence is being exerted? The concern with manipulation is that it is slow and insidious in its progression such that it eventually begins to feel normal, caring even. We can at times worry that those we love, or even ourselves, are being manipulated. But how do we know? This episode explo...

Hoovering is a common tactic used by cluster b personality disordered individuals to suck their sources of supply back in to their cycle of abuse and drama. What is hoovering? How do you know what is real and what has been made up to influence you? How do you recognize hoovering tactics? Why is it dangerous? And, how do you protect yourself from the narcissist's unending toxic cycle of love bombin...

It is common to hear things such as: porn hurts no one! It's a harmless past time! It protects me and actually keeps me from cheating. Nonsense. If individuals don't understand that porn is cheating, they need a bracing reality check. This episode delves further into how porn is permanently damaging not only the self-esteem and feelings of self-worth of the partner but ALSO the consumer of porn. ...

Why would people who have been your friends, neighbors, or even family members suddenly start to vilify and lie about you? Well, if you are removing yourself from a relationship with a narcissist or cluster b-personality disordered individual, they have to have individuals who support and champion them, no matter what horrible behavior they engage in. Hello, flying monkeys! Why do flying monkeys e...

What if what makes you the most attractive to others is when you are living your authentic life, healing, discovering yourself, and not inhabiting a space where you tell yourself you can only be happy when you have a partner?  #alifefolded #betrayal #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery #selflovematters #selfcare #datingafterdivorce #datingafterbetrayal

After doing a lot of research, I learned that one common complaint about narcissists is their unsafe and erratic driving patterns. Why do so many narcissists drive unsafely?   #alifefolded #narcissist #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissistic #narcissistsaredangerous #gaslightingrecovery #gaslighting #gaslightingawareness #gaslightingsurvivor #...

This podcast often delves into painful subjects about abuse and betrayal and the resultant loss of dreams, loneliness, and the shattering effects from the potential dissolution of your family. However, there are joys to being single. It is wonderful to be freed from the shackles of a dysfunction partner and relationship and learn the beauty of thriving alone.  #alifefolded #postdivorce #postdivorc...

When you have made the painful decision to divorce, it is sometimes easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you need to catch them just one more time in doing something wrong before the divorce is final. This can be especially true if you were married to an emotionally abusive partner who wore down your ability to trust yourself. When you know it is time to leave your marriage, you need no mor...

When you decide it is time to divorce your narcissistic spouse, prepare for the battle of your life. Yes, the narcissist is going to make it nasty and miserable. Yes, they are probably going to drag it out and fight everything reasonable you ask for. But there are tools to help you stay strong, get what you are legally entitled to, and keep your forward momentum forward toward peace.  #divorcingan...

Narcissists and Cluster B personality-disordered individuals are infamous for using money to control, manipulate, and abuse. Expect behaviors from them that don't make sense, particularly if you are divorcing them. In general, narcissists are irresponsible with money, because their lives are all about looking good, even if that is only a surface view. It's important to guard and take the time to b...

Are you experiencing a sense of dread with fall rolling around, knowing that soon you will have to face the holidays alone? This is completely normal for anyone who has lived through betrayal trauma and is navigating the holidays as a single individual, for perhaps the first time in their lives. Acknowledge that this is hard. Cry if you need to, but perhaps also consider ways of building small mom...

Social media is a fantastic tool to help us stay connected and engaged with friends and acquaintances. It also can be a trap where we envy people's carefully curated posts and photos and begin the comparison game. It is easy to feel like you're less than when comparing your messy insides to a limited, and selected, snapshot glimpse of another's life. And, if you are moving on from a narcissist, th...

Loneliness is probably the most common emotion that people who are single experience. But is loneliness bad? Is it something to be feared and changed as soon as possible? Not necessarily. What are the positive aspects of loneliness and how can those sometimes unwanted and uncomfortable feelings fuel your healing and potential future relationships for the better? #alifefolded #lonely #loneliness #l...

Have you ever felt like your healing and ability to move on is hinging on the person who has wronged you giving you closure? That the explanation of their "why" is mission-critical for you to be able to find peace? Is their apology and explanation truly necessary in order for you to regain direction and clarity as well as an ability to reclaim your life? No. By their actions, people often give us...

This episode further debunks the porn myths that "it doesn't hurt anyone" or "it's normal" or "everyone does it" with a hard look at the porn industry's direct ties to the human trafficking trade. Let's educate ourselves about the truth and speak out about human enslavement and objectivation. And let's hold porn users accountable for their personal contribution to sexual slavery. #alifefolded #sto...

Do you ever feel like you are an other? That the only people in the world who are truly happy are married individuals? Statistics show that in the United States there are equal numbers of married and single people. So why do we feel different? Pain and trauma play a factor. As do movies, books, and tv. "Helpful" friends and family members actually don't help when they say they just want you to be...

There are an estimated one billion narcissists and Cluster B personality-disordered individuals on our planet right  now. Why do they seem to relish ruining important events? Birthday parties, graduations, family gatherings, vacations, nothing is sacred or immune to their pouting, anger, and outright rage. Even, and sometimes especially, big milestone events in their own children's lives. But if w...

Whether we are actively dating or not, it behooves every single person to draw up a list of non-negotiables for a potential future partner. This list may include things like values, attractiveness, success, intellect, and spirituality. However, let's not forget about the most important part of those non-negotiables: you! You may have spent a lifetime where you felt you had to earn love or prove yo...

We often extol boundaries in the context of who gets to communicate with you, who is allowed to spend time with you, and how you rest and practice self-care. But, what about listening boundaries? Listening boundaries can be a real boon to individual, in particular, who are sensitive souls, are people pleasers, or who have survived a narcissist's smear campaign. Listening boundaries, when practiced...

Have you ever noticed how the narcissist has to work so hard to convince the world that his or her life is *awesome*?! Is it really? No, it's not. When your life truly is blessed and wonderful, you don't have to go around convincing yourself and others about how great everything is. Understand this behavior for what it is: pure grandstanding. You, recovering from pain and sorrow, are the one with...

How do we forgive "70 times 7"? Is it even humanly possible; do we have the capacity? Sometimes, when we are trying to be too goal-oriented toward forgiveness, we make it less likely to ultimately feel satisfied by our efforts. Especially if dealing with a partner who continues to abuse and hurt. Often, we are looking to forgive the wrong person. When we work on forgiving ourselves, and giving our...