A Hamster With a Blunt Penknife - a Doctor Who Commentary podcast

Joe, Si and Frazer; stalked by a (really hideous) Sontaran. It’s time for a showdown between Joe and Frazer about comedy in Doctor Who. Who will invade Gallifrey next? A Target reading by Si ❤️ Frazer loves a bit of K.9 in reverse.

Joe, Frazer & Si; illicit VHS dealing! We’re not expecting any great surprises this week - it looks like Doctor Who is about to chalk up another four part adventure. Si shares the ultimate story that will swell your heart. Bring tissues.

Joe, Si and Frazer; we are being invaded! In which we determine who has the hottest accent, suspension of belief, humour, more (anti) Rodan love, refreshing location work, stunning design, and the best way to love The Invasion of Time. We go into a brown study on Vardan inadequacies.

Joe & Frazer & Si; shocking news of Si’s VHS dealer! Will Joe put on the right episode? What is the best Dudley Simpson score? Can we rank the Borusa’s? Huge love for Milton John’s, Gallifryean decor and mad, bad Tom Baker.

Joe & Si & Frazer; inexplicably evil! It’s Si’s birthday and so we are celebrating a story he loves! Why is the Doctor behaving so strangely? Who has Frazer come dressed as? And why is this one of the best episode ones?

Joe & Ross; no words for how stupid they are - or at least that’s what the Ruth Doctor thinks! A dazzling pre-commentary conversation and then discussion of what we both agree is a perfect Doctor Who episode. The left hand is doing tricks, the right hand is doing tricks…but the real trick is right behind you. Phenomenal.

Joe & Toby; on Kolkakron with the Gravis. We spend some time talking about interviewing Doctor Who stars, why we enjoy all Doctor Who (good and bad), CHB’s obsession with the TARDIS and why this story is unfairly ignored.

Joe & Toby; decapitated in the excavation machine! We talk about characters who are referred to off screen, the most egregious exposition in Doctor Who, the lack of humour in the discussion of the show, and how by celebrating not liking something doesn’t mean you’re winning.

Joe & Toby; one of us came to this episode late! Who’s Round comes under the microscope. What’s the best kind of Doctor Who performance? What is the cheapest resource in a TV production? What’s the best acting trick for pulling focus?

Joe & Toby; eaten by the earth! Part interview, part commentary. What could be a more exciting title than Escargot? Who is giving the best performance? Why does Toby prefer to enjoy Doctor Who in retrospect?

Joe & Steven; leaping into The Rescue. Will Joe put on the right episode? Does this have a hope of ending satisfactorily? Is this story erroneously called The Daleks? Will Doctor Who and and our heroes win this time?

Joe & Steve; leaping a ravine for 25 minutes! Learn about barren Darren, the deadliest of continents on Skaro! Learn also, in a startling revelation how Steven was paid for child labour in London in one of the cities most iconic buildings for geeks. The episode might be filler but our commentary isn’t.

Joe & Steven; orgasmic screams on anti radiation drugs. This is it. The reveal of the forbidden letter of the Dalek language, the great insult, and a revelation that shakes Joe to his core. Also, news in about the planet Selturis and their ruler Redlin the Just.

Joe & Steve; banging on invisible walls. Which Dalek has the shittest day ever? What is a Bringdigulum? Which Thal has the best chest hair? What do you use to lure your enemies in in a radioactive pandemic? Steven’s golden age SF research reaches peak interest.

Joe & Steven; high on drugs. What connects the Thals and Neighbours? Is there anything as terrifying as a Dalek voice? What is the worst book of all time? What are Terry Nation’s strengths? Steven researches!

Joe & Steve; our legs, our legs...we can’t move our legs! This week we’re obsessed with Doctor Who’s new monsters; all sticks and bumps and shrieking voices! We’ve never seen anything on TV like this before. We’re entranced.

Joe & Steve; in love with black and white. An Arial shot of Skaro? Who is the fifth member of the TARDIS crew? What is Doctor Who’s first spectacular effects shot? Why is there a bicycle in the TARDIS? It was the silly old Doctor all along!

Joe & Jason; there should have been another way. The rousing conclusion of this contentious commentary. The Doctor is a murderer; is Jason right and it is dramatically justified or is Joe right and it is the most appalling lapse of judgement? ‘Excellent Sauvix!’

Joe & Jason; you’ll get no help out of me, Silurian! Jason is back and fighting; with excerpts from Jonny Byrne and the Target novel. Joe is unimpressed by the stagnant action scenes. So much is going on and we both agree that there is only one person to blame: Margaret Thatcher!

Joe & Jason face the Myrka! Jason is riding high on his defence (sorry, celebration) of part one and Joe’s argument (despite being backed by the entire production crew) is waning. And then we are faced with a wobbly mattress and snotty Dobbin and the tables start to turn...

Joe & Jason; opposing power blocs! Is Warriors of the Deep a spectacular failure or a triumph against the odds? Is the floodlit lighting deliberate? Do the Sea Devils look like enormous peni? Is Pennant Robert’s direction lacking or genius? Let battle commence!

What would the Doctors say interviewing their companions? We rewrite season ten to spectacular effect. Mark manages to say at least three positive things about the story. Is Doctor Who (not MCU) the only show to bring out such an epic, mythic pantomime?

Joe & Mark (and the special appearance of the pussy of Rassilon). What is the Barry Letts balance? What is Omega Eleganza? What is the Timeless Cat? Who is Mark Raw? Where is Liz Shaw? Have You Been Ollised? What happened to Orville?

Joe & Mark; holy Moses, what’s that? Benton and his irresponsible gum wrapper, a discussion of Doctor Who erotic fiction, the Brigadier’s incredulous TARDIS reaction, Mark’s severe lack of scientific knowledge, Omega’s creme brûlée palace and the ultimate Doctor Who/Charlie & the Chocolate Factory musical mashups!

Joe & Mark; fire at will! Is the third Doctor a prick? Are birthday jellies a less than credible threat? Does the title sequence look vaginal? Can the B7 teleport theme be sung? Mark’s love affair with Barry Letts is celebrated. The Time Lords are watching us podcast.