Haysnacks

We're stoked — Michael Palisack is coming to the Jones Center Friday night as part of their Center Stage clean comedy series. I chatted with him about why his set is clean, family-friendly, and still hilarious — he says being himself and tightening the jokes does the trick. We even laughed about the “no splash zone” front-row-safe vibe and how live shows are just way better in person. Tickets are...

College partying is changing — I'm seeing this new trend called a "wellness darty" where daytime parties are now Pilates, yoga, ice baths, group runs and matcha instead of kegstands. I call it a health insurance brochure with a playlist, and honestly it feels like kids are trading chaos for stretches and smoothies. So we busted out the Morning 6-Pack and counted down the top six old-school college...

Cleveland just declared part of Lake Erie the “Gulf of Cleveland,” and yeah — the city council voted 13 to 1 to slap that name on the water, stretching two miles out from the shoreline. I’m telling you, it’s mostly a tongue-in-cheek dig at all the renaming drama, but they’re actually gonna send it to Apple and Google and try to update the maps — crowdsourcing geography, baby. We riff on how every...

54% of Americans say their mental load is maxed out every week, and honestly I felt that hit in my soul — same. So we ripped through a quick Morning 6-Pack where we dump six tiny brain-eaters so you can stop doing mental yoga in traffic. I rag on stuff like overcomplicated coffee orders, pointless political fights that never end in a “you were right” text, and those true-crime binges that eat your...

Apple finally dropped a foldable: the iPhone Duo — it flips open to a 7.6-inch screen and starts at $1,999. I rant a bit about how Apple didn’t invent folding phones (Samsung and Google beat them to it), but yeah, Bloomberg thinks Apple showing up in nicer shoes could make foldables the new normal. So we slammed together the Morning 6-Pack: six quick questions you should ask before you blow two gr...

Today is National Tattoo Story Day — aka the holiday that tells us if someone's ink is soulful or they got drunk in Panama City Beach in 2009. I love these stories: some tats are “for my mom” or marks of survival, others are coordinates where somebody met their wife, and some dude just got a flaming skull because it “looked cool.” True classic: a guy thought he had the Chinese symbol for peace unt...

Sales of CDs are climbing — yep, compact discs are back and Gen Z is making it weirdly cool again. Rolling Stone even says kids are embracing CDs as physical media makes a comeback, and I gotta admit: watching them collect jewel cases like sports cards is peak nostalgia. We spent 15–20 years ripping these to iTunes, donating boxes, and then boom — now they're “retro decor” for kids who don't even...

Pumpkin spice has officially taken over American life — for real, it’s everywhere and I’m low-key terrified. On today’s Morning 6-Pack we count down the top six signs you’re way too obsessed with pumpkin spice, and trust me, the list gets delightfully ridiculous. We roast stuff like the actual pumpkin spice casket (yep, they made one — slogan: “Latte season doesn’t have to end when you do”), and w...

A new report that ranks OnlyFans spending per capita says North Dakota is actually number one — yep, the land of wide spaces is tipping the most online. Mississippi spends the least and Arkansas is second-to-last, which means we get to smugly point at 50th and 49th and say, “bless their hearts.” I gotta admit, North Dakota kinda makes sense — cold, dark by 4:30, only so many times you can reorgani...

The autumnal equinox means it's time for fall clean-up and maintenance — basically your house is low-key passive-aggressively mad at you. I'm Haystack, and we rip through a Morning 6-Pack of the top stuff you "should" do to prep for fall, served with sarcasm and zero shame. We roast a few classic moves: buying a pumpkin that starts rotting on your porch, hoarding way more Halloween candy than last...

Judge Judy is stepping away from the TV cameras — her streaming show Judy Justice is set to end in October, and yeah, America’s favorite scolder is retiring. I mean, she’s 83, ran courtroom TV from ’96 through 2021, then jumped to streaming, so she’s earned the exit. I keep saying she built an empire by reading paperwork, sniffing out nonsense mid-sentence, and making grown adults regret bringing...

Gas prices are the highest they've ever been for this time of year — AAA says the national average is about $4.27/gal, up 13 cents in a week. Summer’s over, kids are back in school, the lake bag smells weird in the garage, and somehow the pump didn’t get the memo. You don’t need a chart or an economist — you just stand at the pump, watch the numbers spin, and wonder if your truck’s drinking out of...

We open with the key fact: passengers on United Flight 93 learned the hijackers planned to use the plane as a weapon and chose to fight back, crashing the aircraft near Shanksville, Pennsylvania to stop it from reaching another target. The flight had been delayed out of Newark, and by the time it was seized the attacks on New York and Washington were already underway. People on board made calls, l...

We're remembering September 11th, 25 years on — and the main point up front: while thousands were rushing down and out of the World Trade Center, firefighters and first responders deliberately went the other way into the danger. I keep coming back to that image of crowds descending the stairwells and crews climbing up — it tells you a lot about who we are. Most people escaped — thousands survived...

We mark the 25th anniversary of September 11 and remember the 2,977 lives lost, and we stress how everything on that morning unfolded in just 102 minutes. We walk through the timeline: Flight 11 hit the North Tower at 8:46, Flight 175 hit the South Tower at 9:03, Flight 77 struck the Pentagon at 9:37, Flight 93 crashed in Pennsylvania at 10:03, and the towers collapsed within that short span. That...

Today marks 25 years since September 11, 2001, and I want to spend some time remembering that day with the respect it deserves. I’ll be honest—this isn’t my usual nonsense; we’ll pause the jokes for a bit and reflect on how that ordinary Tuesday turned into something none of us expected. It was a clear, sunny morning—people dropping kids off, grabbing coffee, worrying about traffic—then at 8:46am...

We ripped through the Morning 6-Pack — the top six things every American should be able to do without instructions, and the survey results make that the main headline. Turns out 73% say they can cook white rice, 67% can change a diaper, 60% can sew on a button, but only 39% can change a flat tire — cars, apparently, are where we melt down. Yours truly even admitted I'm "excluded" from some of thos...

Sept 10 is National School Picture Day — one of my favorite dumb little holidays. I’m talking gym, a stranger with a fake forest backdrop, 18 seconds of patience, and a kid being told “don’t you dare spill that” about 11 minutes before they inevitably do. It’s not about looking good, it’s a government-adjacent portrait machine that somehow freezes the absolute worst version of you — one eye half-c...

I’m backing millennials — they’re the true greatest generation, and I’ve got six cheeky reasons why. On today’s Morning 6-Pack we zip through a rapid-fire countdown that doubles as a roast and a love letter. We riff on stuff like avocado obsession, surviving the emoji apocalypse, flannel’s triumphant return, and the trauma of owning a Furby — yeah, it’s that kind of highlight reel. It’s fast, sarc...

Sept 9 is International Box Wine Day, and I'm celebrating the cardboard rectangle of emotional support. I keep a box in the fridge and yeah, I hand it out to guests — five bucks will get you drunk, no lie. Box wine used to be uncool, but now it’s practical: stays fresh longer, cheaper, lighter, way better for camping, tailgates, or nights when you only want one glass. A bottle says “I have taste,”...

I pick up the phone and Bama’s absolutely gutted that summer’s over — so of course she’s invented pumpkin spice Menthols as a coping mechanism. She’s bragging she finally hit her tan-and-paroled goals and swears she didn’t violate probation once while wearing a swimsuit, which I’m trying very hard not to fact-check. We trade shtick about cozy fall nonsense until she casually drops that she’s unpac...

The NFL regular season kicks off tonight on a Wednesday — Seahawks vs. Patriots, a Super Bowl rematch, and yeah, it's weird. I'm over here like, Wednesday? That’s trash-night, church-night, 'is-it-too-early-to-make-weekend-plans' night — not prime-time football. We’ll complain about the NFL stealing the middle of the week, then by kickoff we’re full-on wing-munching and glued to the TV anyway. Eas...

Mortgage rates are back near 7%, so a lot of folks are stuck loving their houses — the average homeowner gave theirs a 7.5 out of 10. I’m Haystack and we ripped off a speedy Morning 6‑Pack with six goofy, practical ways to nudge that 7.5 into a 10. We throw out ideas like an instant bidet from the sink, a stripper pole in the game room, clearing the fridge down to beer and pizza rolls, and paving...

Apple Maps now shows Lake Ontario as "Lake America" for U.S. users, and yeah, I’m still giggling about it. I’m trying to be a mature adult, but renaming a shared Great Lake feels like some divorced dad slapping a Sharpie label on leftovers. Google already did this for U.S. users, Canadians still see Lake Ontario, and folks elsewhere might even get both names — so basically our maps are now a joint...

Wallethub ranked Arkansas 47th on the “fun” list and I demand a damn recount — like, who thinks we’re that boring? I rant about rivers, lakes, Razorback football, Crystal Bridges, float trips and more, and how Connecticut, Delaware and Rhode Island somehow outrank us (come on). Then we flip to the Morning 6-Pack and blast through a lightning Top Six of supposedly “fun” things to do in West Virgini...