Beyond Broken Vows | Christian Marriage, Adultery, Pornography Addiction, Sexual Betrayal, Infidelity

Do you see yourself in this vicious cycle of chaos?   When we utilize technology to view pornography and use it for our own sexual satisfaction, then walk away from our devices, it can give us the illusion that we are in control. But how quickly do we shift from promising ourselves that we’re not going to do it again to contemplating what we've seen then anticipating our next opportunity to view o...

Does pornography use have a hold on you or someone you love?   Today we are talking about Step 1 of the 12-Step Sex Addicts Anonymous recovery program. This is Johnny’s chosen recovery program so we will be sharing what this step entails, how he approached this step and why it is so imperative to start here. We will also be hearing from Emily on how she views the process and progress of Johnny’s 1...

What if you had been confronted with the fact that your life had become unmanageable and through this revelation you discovered that you were powerless over a major struggle in your life? And what if you came to believe that this major struggle in your life was an addiction? You may be asking, "How did I get here? What do I do about it and how do I get out of it?"      If there was a measurable wa...

Up until now, we’ve been talking a lot about taking steps to stabilize, grieve, heal, and renew our marriages after sexual betrayal. We've covered heavy topics like confession, boundaries, apologies, and forgiveness. and in our last episode even dipped our toes into the waters of reigniting sexual connection and what true intimacy looks like.   But today, we're switching gears. We're going to take...

Have you wrestled with this question? Can there still be a meaningful sexual relationship after experiencing sexual betrayal? The short answer is YES, but today, we're not diving into the world of makeup or guilt sex. Instead, we'll be delving into the realm of true intimacy.   Intimacy is often misunderstood as just being synonymous with love and sex. While sex is a part of it, there's a deeper l...

Hello Friend,   Have you experienced grief? We normally associate grief with the death and loss of someone we love, and we can also grieve the loss of something we are emotionally attached to like a job or home. But there is also a loss that occurs through betrayal. With this type of loss come the very same emotions that are common to losing someone or something dear to us.   After sexual betrayal...

The prevalence of sexually explicit content continues to surge, becoming increasingly accessible with each passing day. Who's it hurting? A better question might be, who isn't it hurting? Pornography affects everyone from innocent children to grandparents and there’s really no escaping it in our culture today. So, what can we do?   Today we are sharing a discussion we had with a young couple who e...

Hey Friend,   Have you ever been curious about the untold stories of those in the adult entertainment industry? Do you question the authenticity of what you've heard about or witnessed on the screen?   We've recently been talking a lot about the harmful impact of pornography on consumers and their loved ones, but only briefly explored the profound effects it has on those who take center stage.   T...

As a fallen human race, we tend to compare ourselves to others in many ways, the way people look, what kind of clothes they wear or car they drive, what job they have or what kind of house and neighborhood they live in. This comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy or pridefulness.  I imagine most, if not all of us, have or have had some degree of comparison working against us in how we feel...

In our marriages when there is sexual betrayal fueled by pornography use or addiction, it is easy to only focus on the outward behaviors because they are so painful and destructive. But what if there is something deeper under the surface that you are unaware of? What if the addiction was only the evidence of an underlying problem.  Would you be willing to explore the possibility?   I’m a recoverin...

As the wife of a recovering addict, I’ve learned that there were clues displayed by my husband that pointed to addictive behavior. I was aware of his periodic pornography use but didn’t put it together with these behavioral clues to realize that there might be a serious issue. Now that we have been working on our recovery for several years, I have discovered what I either missed or ignored as sign...

If pornography is no big deal, why are so many marriages destroyed by it? If pornography is harmless, why are so many people around the world hurt by it? If pornography is no big deal, why do we hide it from our wives? If pornography is harmless, why do we hide it from our children?   How much do you know about porn and the pornography industry? I didn’t know much about it when I got married and I...

Have you ever told someone something you knew they were not going to want to hear? Do you have something you need to tell someone and are terrified about how they will react? Are you afraid to say it because it could cause them significant pain and/or jeopardize your relationship with them? These are very natural emotions that come with telling difficult news. This was our predicament when we made...

Your marriage has suffered a massive blow of betrayal. Adultery through pornography and/or extra-marital relationships has been discovered. You both want to save the marriage, if possible, by working on reconciliation and recovery. But now you’re wondering if you need to tell anyone or if you should just keep it private and work on it together.     We went through this same scenario and today we a...

Triggers, what are they and how do they affect us? Triggers come without warning and without our permission. Today we’re going to dissect the ways we are triggered and how we should handle them, so they are not destructive, but rather an opportunity for healing, connection and growth. And good heavens, do they ever stop?   Grab your favorite beverage and buckle up as we talk about triggers.   We p...

What actually happens to a person who has experienced betrayal? What happens in the mind of one who has their reality shattered in an instant?   Today we’re going to be discussing the effects of this type of mental and emotional injury when someone is betrayed. We’ll be sharing with you how this affected us after Johnny’s confession of adultery through pornography use and extra-marital relationshi...

Do you find it hard to forgive someone who has hurt you deeply?   On our show today, we’re going to unpack 4 keys to unlocking forgiveness. This method is simple, but it’s definitely not easy. So how do we get through this difficult process? We will share with you how this approach played out in our marriage after porn-fueled infidelity and where we turned for help.   Grab your favorite beverage a...

Do you appreciate getting an apology? Do you have a hard time extending one? Do you even know what a good apology looks like?   Join us today as we cover the 8 steps to a healing apology, which is so helpful in a marriage, especially when there has been some form of betrayal.   We have experienced the power of this healing apology in our own marriage after the discovery and disclosure of pornograp...

Do you get angry while driving in traffic? Have you ever had or seen road rage? Are you the person that yells at everyone making stupid and even dangerous driving mistakes from inside your car with the windows up?     I can’t say I’ve never had a burst of anger when driving, but in recent years I have made it a practice to try and give other drivers the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they have an eme...

When you think of the word honesty, do you view it in black and white or on a sliding scale?   Those who see it in black and white might argue that a person either tells the truth or they don’t. Those who prefer a sliding scale approach may categorize white lies at a 1-2, lies of omission at a 4-5, but a deceptive or premeditated lie at 9-10. Honesty, in this person’s mind, is relative.     In our...

Did you know that there is more than one way to lie?       A lack of honesty can leave others in your life on uncertain ground. How do we overcome this deceptive practice and what is the key to complete honesty?     Spend the next half hour with us as we talk about 5 different ways we lie to each other, how lying affects our relationships and what we can do to change it forever.     We will also b...

Have you ever stopped to think about the significance of boundaries? What kind of feelings or emotions do you think of when you hear that term? Does it bring to mind negative connotations or a sense of being confined and restricted? Perhaps it even feels punitive or unfair. It's understandable to have these reactions, but let's take a moment to consider a different perspective. What if boundaries...

The decision to stay married after sexual betrayal is a very difficult one to navigate. We understand this because the effects of infidelity shook each of us to our core. If you've been listening to our show you know we are still married, but we didn’t go through this on our own. We had an incredible amount of support and guidance along the way.   In this episode we're going to open up about the p...

Hi Friend,    In today's episode we will be telling a quick version of our love story from how we met and got married up to the day of Johnny's confession of adultery that we call Discovery Day.   If you haven't heard our story as told by each of us from our own perspectives, you can listen to Emily's story in Episode 2 and Johnny's story in Episode 3.   We are telling our story together today to...

Hi Friend,   On today's episode, Johnny tells his story of how a young boy with hopes and dreams for a wonderful future ends up confessing to his wife of 31 years that he is a sex addict and an adulterer. His painful story is tragic, but also beautiful because he knows the One who makes a way when there is no way. Jesus can make something beautiful out of the ashes of our lives if we let him.    W...