The Everyday Human

July: On Family July 24 Instead of confronting family skeletons or secrets, do you try to stuff them down? Keep the secret(s) safe and bury that skeleton in the sump behind the house in the woods? I think you know the outcome of this option. That thing will stick its rotting, maggot-eaten hands and head through the dirt, dragging itself back out into the light and the open air for all to see and t...

July: On Family July 23 Though Madeleine L'Engle wrote the passage that inspired today's reflection 53 years ago, it seems like it could have been written today. You can find the parallels yourself. Trust me, you don’t have to dig too deep. But while the evils of the past find new clothes to wear in the present, something else that rang true then still does today: we must find a way to p...

July: On Family July 22 While you’re raising and shaping your children, they’re raising something in you, too. The mirror they hold up to you is reflecting and revealing—it’s guiding you and reshaping you. Their honesty is funny, but it can also be brutal, casting a light on flaws or habits you may have tried to bury back in the shadows, forcing you to confront them and move beyond them. It’s a be...

July: On Family July 21 The important thing here, I think—and yes, it’s complicated (but what isn’t in this thing we call life?)—is that we must teach our children, the next generation, that actions have consequences. Great, we can all get on board with that. We don’t want the world falling into further chaos. But more than that, while imparting this timeless knowledge, we must remember two things...

July: On Family July 20 As I did my daily check this morning with my coffee (Gardener’s Handbook, Rule #3: A gardener must always inspect their plants in the morning with coffee, even at the risk of midges diving in for a sip), I couldn’t quite believe the lettuce had grown so quickly. Maybe it’s the hot North Carolina summers. Maybe it was a good batch of soil from Brawley Seed Co. & Garden C...

July: On Family July 19 As a parent now—living in what I think is safe to say a beautiful, yet crazy world—I’m more conscious than ever of the things I say, and more than that, my actions. I’m not sure truer words have ever been spoken: Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. I’ll tell my daughter she should exercise, that it’s g...

July: On Family July 18 Humans . . . we’re not objective or utilitarian creatures, are we? No—we can be infinitely bullheaded, romantic, and idealistic. We persevere through untold hardship and crushing pressure, forming social bonds harder than diamonds in the process. It could be your brother, sister, friend, colleague, comrade—it doesn’t matter. It’s something deeply human: that is, the ability...

July: On Family July 17 Sometimes your immediate family, those closest to you, won’t get it as you drift farther and farther away. But know this: you’re not alone. Despite what the news, social media, or certain politicians might have you think, there’s a whole world of humans out there who care and would be more than willing to throw you a line. Your friends. Your coworkers. Your book club. That...

July: On Family July 16 When it is in the nature of a parent to believe they always know what’s best and it is in the nature of a child to make their own way, there comes a time when one of them must willingly consult with their nature and persuade it to make a concession. For good or for bad, this must be the parent—or they risk becoming someone who would interfere with their child’s fate or dest...

July: On Family July 15 Your early years were when the first lines of your morality and understanding of what it means to be human were etched. But as you grew, you found that there were others—sometimes even yourself—who would attempt to continue or rewrite some of those lines—sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. And this is a part of life. Your tablet is constantly being written, and writt...

July: On Family July 14 By the time I was 15, a sophomore in high school—the year 2001—my mother was working as an overnight legal secretary for a law firm operating out of the World Trade Center in Manhattan. She was getting ready to head home at about 8:00 a.m. Her shift was ending, and her boss asked her to stay to work overtime—given our poor financial situation at home, she usually wouldn’t h...

July: On Family July 13 It’s not just us humans. Despite the controversy around their motives, and whether animals can be driven by an altruistic love or not, they do this too, and not just with orphans of their own species: a beluga whale adopting a narwhal, a capuchin monkey adopting a marmoset, a lioness adopting a leopard and even an oryx (antelope), a penguin and a skua, and many other birds...

July: On Family July 12 There is good news in that you can choose what you want to do with the shadow of your family.  You can live inside of it, cowering in fear away from the sun—or you can take control of it, shaping it and molding it into what you want it to be—a calm and cool shade to protect you from the madness of the world.  There’s good and bad in every family. And it's inevitable th...

July: On Family July 11 Some people can be emotionally literate and open with their love. For others, you might as well ask them to move a mountain—and yet, it still makes them the person they are—the person you love. Some will work their hands to the bone to support you without ever saying a word—getting up early to warm the house and get to work so that you can eat and have a bed to sleep in. So...

July: On Family July 10 Places, things, homes, yards, creeks, trees, gardens— —all temporary. Like you. Like family. You’d be wise to enjoy them while you have them— And if you want, After they’re gone, Hold on to them a little while longer. Even at the risk of being sentimental. Reflection title: It’s Not Just— Creative inspiration:  Mary Oliver,   "From This River, When I Was a Child, I Use...

July: On Family July 9 Expectations are dangerous things.  Let’s let people be who they are, take the bad with the good, and love them for it—not for who you expect them to be. Reflection title: What Did You Expect? Creative inspiration:  Shel Silverstein,    "A Cat, A Kid, and a Mom" Reflection question: Do I love my family for who they are? Or am I holding them to unrealistic expectati...

July: On Family July 8 The importance of conversing with or just listening (or crying) to someone older and wiser than you cannot be overstated. We as humans, at first glance, might seem quite different from each other, but scrape past the surface, even just a little bit—and you’ll see just how fundamentally similar we all really are. That’s a beautiful thing—to understand that we are the same, no...

July: On Family July 7 For all the moments playing outside in the grass at a family get together—the sun glinting off each drop of water from the sprinkler, the high-pitched yells and laughs of children being children, those quiet moments sitting at a table, working on a puzzle with tea and hot chocolate, or reading a book in bed next to your partner, knowing in that moment you are safe and your o...

July: On Family July 6 As you grow, as seeds of independent thought and choice sprout in your mind, and as you are able to shelter and feed yourself, things inevitably change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Again—neither good nor bad, just life. And as you meet people who show you different perspectives and teach you different ways of life, your heart opens up to the fact that...

July: On Family July 5 I’ve been fortunate enough to travel the world. I’ve been to around 15-20 different countries (lost track). I’ve met fascinating people from four different continents, and I’ll always remember them and the people I traveled with. But without fail, every time I’m away, and as much as I’m busy appreciating the different people, landscapes, architecture, food, music, and cultur...

July: On Family July 4 I blink. No way. Is that really my dad? Is that really what I think it is in his hand? The thing they’ve taught me never to do—the thing that just killed my grandma down in Florida? No fucking way. But it’s true. There he is, right in front of my eyes, just laughing and sipping and puffing away. I run up to him, ask him what he’s doing—he says something, but I don’t know wha...

July: On Family July 3 Jobs, social status, privilege—all this too can change a person, and it often does. It can lead to an emotionally shallow family dynamic. It can make actions that once were filled with joy and intention become absurdly performative—like ticking off a box on a checklist. Don’t save genuine feelings or forgiveness for a fancy meal, or trip, or holiday—try to remember the times...

July: On Family July 2 I don’t know if it will ever happen. And whatever—I don’t care if it’s idealistic to hope for it. I’m a writer. Part of my job is to literally dream up better worlds (after putting my characters through hell, so it goes). But if we can begin to see ourselves as a family—doesn’t have to be a perfect one either, all families have their issues, but one bound together by somethi...

July: On Family July 1 The month of June, On Conflict and Courage is over. That brings us to July and the new topic of On Family. It doesn’t matter who or what it is that you call family. The world is big, wide, and beautiful, but without family, it can be small, isolating, and crushing.  What matters is that whoever they are, your family brings you light in the dark and keeps you warm in the cold...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 30  Do yourself a favor and learn this lesson while you can from those who came before and learned it for us. Death and pain and confrontation are inevitable. They’ll come for you no matter what. They’re coming for you right now whether you say what must be said or betray yourself with small sil...