Doing Marriage Well

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (Sept 1, 2026), Paul outlines six ways we sabotage our relationships—selfishness, pettiness, pride, refusing the cost of doing what's right, demanding what we think we deserve, and making harmful assumptions. He offers practical questions, Scripture (1 Corinthians 13:4-7), and a faith-based call to own your part, apologise, and seek God’s help to rebuild conn...

Paul explores how pride, fear, and immaturity make adults magnify small slights and wreck marriages, friendships, and church relationships. Drawing on Philippians 4:2–3 and pastoral experience, he urges listeners to recognise their part, choose humility, and work toward reconciliation.

This episode defines arousal non-concordance — when the body and brain are out of sync — and gives everyday examples (morning erections, body arousal without mental desire) that can occur for men and women. It explains how mismatched signals between partners can lead to confusion, hurt, or unwanted sex, and clarifies that physical signs like erections or wetness don’t mean mental desire. Practical...

This episode explores why many men understate or suppress their sexual desire—due to comparison, societal messages, or guilt—and how that withholding damages intimacy and satisfaction in marriage. Paul reviews research on mismatched drives and common coping strategies that fall short, and urges couples (and especially the lower-drive partner) to acknowledge the problem and practice generosity to r...

This episode explores the vital but hard-to-measure emotional needs spouses have—appreciation, trust, emotional and intellectual connection, shared life, physical presence, and sincere apologies. Paul invites listeners to reflect on which needs feel lacking in their marriage and to consider giving and asking for these things more intentionally.

In this Doing Marriage Well episode (August 26, 2026), Paul examines the five love languages—words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch—and how they reveal what spouses truly need. Using personal examples, he explains how needs can change over time, warns against manipulation, and urges listeners to intentionally give their partner what feeds them so their marri...

In this episode Paul explains why we often misjudge our marriage needs — how stress, fatigue, guilt, upbringing, and comparison can hide or amplify what we require from our spouse. He emphasises that different needs are valid, that circumstances can temporarily raise needs, and that offering more than the minimum is a generous, protective way to care for one another.

In this episode (Doing Marriage Well — August 24, 2026), Paul uses physical dehydration as a metaphor for emotional dryness in marriage. He explains how our bodies — and our relationships — can stop signaling needs as we age, and why early passion can mask declining attention to what truly sustains connection. Paul invites listeners to examine whether they or their spouse have lost the “thirst” fo...

Paul explores how sexual experiences and preferences formed before marriage can create frustration and mismatch in the bedroom, and why calm, honest conversations matter. He offers practical advice: husbands should prioritise their wife’s pleasure, wives should be bold about their needs, try new things together, and seek help when needed (see Marriage Bed Forms in the show notes). If you want help...

This episode explains how creating a shared vision strengthens marriage by turning individual preferences into a united purpose. It shows how to focus on common goals (like raising children who are responsible), distinguish strong desires from weak preferences, and negotiate realistic plans through compromise, backup options, or a better third way. Practical advice includes seeking experienced adv...

This episode explores how differences in convictions—ranging from sports and politics to conspiracy theories and faith—can strain a marriage. It offers practical steps: agree not to argue about volatile topics, respect your spouse’s boundaries, pray and seek outside influence, and prioritize safety and mutual decency. The program references 1 Corinthians 7 (staying with an unwilling spouse if they...

This episode explains how to keep your own low moods from dragging your spouse down while staying honest about how you feel. Learn practical steps: avoid ruminating, clarify expectations (for example, "I'm sorry I'm down; I don't expect you to fix it"), and be aware of how past experiences can shape responses. If you’re frequently grumpy, identify triggers and choose kinder actions even when you f...

This episode explores how spouses' moods affect each other and why it’s important not to let your partner’s bad mood become yours. Paul explains that marriage blends two lives, so feelings transfer both ways. He offers practical counsel: care and listen, offer help, but remain emotionally steady—stay at the top of the pit to help pull your spouse out. If they aren’t ready, continue to encourage th...

In this episode Paul explains what it means—and what it does not mean—to be sexually available to your spouse. Sexual availability is about the ability to connect and share your sexual self, not about always saying yes or sacrificing your needs. He covers prerequisites such as being in touch with your own sexuality, the importance of willingness and empathy, practical daily check-ins about sexual...

Paul examines why emotional and sexual connection often feel limited or missing in marriage, noting the cause is rarely simply indifference. He outlines common reasons—lack of awareness, harmful teaching, past abuse or fear, feeling incapable, retaliatory withholding, overwhelming busyness, and underlying selfishness. Listeners are urged to honestly identify which factors affect them or their spou...

In this episode Paul explains what emotional availability really means, why many couples never learned it, and how it affects marriage. He outlines the prerequisites—knowing your own emotions, avoiding emotional dumping, and responding without withdrawing—and stresses that emotional connection must be practised consistently, not just occasionally. Practical tips include asking about your spouse's...

This episode challenges couples to see that withholding emotional connection is as painful and damaging as withholding sex, and that we often use cognitive dissonance to justify our behavior. Paul urges listeners to stop blaming their partner, accept responsibility, and ask God to reveal the truth in their hearts; he also notes that issues like addiction, adultery, neglect, or ongoing anger must b...

In this episode Paul explains that emotional and sexual availability are both essential to a healthy marriage and that lacking one can hurt a spouse just as deeply as lacking the other. He urges listeners to consider whether they limit the connection their partner needs, to empathise with how that feels, and to pray and act on what they learn so their marriage can reflect the fullness God intended...

In this digest of Doing Marriage Well (week of August 3, 2026), Paul explores why God created marriage, drawing from Genesis, the prophets, and the New Testament. He explains marriage as companionship, a picture of God’s relationship with his people, and a priority in God’s design. Paul also addresses practical implications—protecting newlyweds, honouring marriages in the church, balancing happine...

This episode examines how couples often treat their spouse as the primary obstacle to peace and flourishing, and urges listeners to focus on their own actions rather than blaming their partner. Across the week the host discusses integrity, the dangers of withdrawal and contempt, overcoming emotional reactivity and control, and problematic beliefs about sex, offering practical challenges to foster...

Paul explores a provocative question: did God create marriage for sex, or did he create sex for marriage? He argues that human sexuality — unlike most animals — is designed for pleasure, bonding, and ongoing intimacy, not only reproduction. The episode explains how sex releases chemicals and hormones that connect partners, helps smooth relationship rough spots, and can encourage commitment. It als...

Paul examines whether marriage exists to make us happy or to make us holy, concluding it should do both. He rejects the idea that spouses are meant to fix one another, emphasising mutual encouragement, accountability, and personal responsibility for growth. Practical guidance includes discussing how much input each spouse wants, adjusting through different seasons of marriage, and cherishing marri...

This episode shows how Scripture elevates marriage, using Deuteronomy 24:5 and Hebrews 13:4 to explain God’s design and command to value and protect marriage. Listeners receive practical guidance—give newlyweds space, keep the marriage bed pure, and support other couples through prayer, service, and community care.

This episode explores how marriage is used throughout the Bible to illustrate God’s relationship with his people—from prophetic images of God as husband to Christ as bridegroom and the church as his bride. It ties the one-flesh sexual union to the spiritual union with Christ and warns that a troubled marriage can be a poor witness to God’s character. Listeners are given practical parallels (abuse,...

Paul explains why God created marriage, focusing on Genesis 2:18 (The Voice) and the idea that it was "not good for man to be alone." He explores what God intended marriage to be — a perfectly suited companion to share life’s joys and burdens — and what marriage is not meant to be. Using a personal story of longing for marriage and reflections on appreciating a godly spouse, Paul offers practical...