The Gay Relationship Podcast

What happens when substance use becomes a way of coping with trauma, loneliness, and the stress of being queer in a world that can still be deeply rejecting? Tom welcomes therapist, columnist, and social policy researcher Araya Baker back to the podcast for a conversation about addiction, recovery, and substance use in queer communities. Araya discusses the connections between family rejection, di...

What does it actually take to move from self-hatred toward self-love? In this episode, Tom talks with James Guay, LMFT, about the lifelong process of building a healthier relationship with ourselves as gay men. James explores how internalized homophobia, family and societal expectations, perfectionism, body image, workaholism, people-pleasing, and self-betrayal can all become ways of rejecting our...

In this episode, Tom sits down with DaddyGuru, to explore tantra, spirituality, erotic maturity, and healing for gay men. Drawing from his book, You Are the Love of Your Life , Daddy Guru shares how his own journey led him to tantric yoga and to creating retreats focused on self-awareness, connection, and healing. They discuss kundalini energy, the inner child, and the importance of reconnecting w...

In this episode, Tom sits down with writer and sex educator Aidan Wharton, creator of Gay Buffet, to talk about gay sex education, relationships, sexual pleasure, and queer joy. Aidan shares how his community-driven work grew from a newsletter into a platform exploring the questions gay men actually want answered. They discuss open relationships, monogamy, boundaries, sexual communication, and why...

What are the biggest issues dividing gay men and the LGBTQ+ community today? In this candid conversation, Tom welcomes therapist Michael Pezzullo back to explore some of the most controversial and complicated topics facing the community, from identity and language to monogamy, non-monogamy, substance use, masculinity, loneliness, and political division. Michael and Tom discuss why some gay men ide...

What happens when chronic pain intersects with queer identity, minority stress, and isolation? In this episode, Tom speaks with Ian A. Lane, PhD, RN, pain management specialist, nurse consultant, and author of Pain, Power, and Pride . Ian explains why emotional regulation is an essential part of pain management and why telling someone that their pain is “all in their head” can be especially harmfu...

Why are so many gay men still struggling with loneliness, shame, and disconnection in 2026? In this conversation, Tom talks with therapist Brian Spitulnik about the lasting impact of growing up gay in a heterosexist world and why those experiences can continue shaping us long after we come out. Brian explores how gay men can build fortresses around shame, disconnect from their bodies and desires,...

What happens when the identities and labels that once helped us understand ourselves begin to limit us? In this episode of the Queer Relationship Institute podcast, Tom welcomes psychotherapist, lecturer, author, and educator Dr Chris Donaghue for a provocative conversation about sexuality, identity, relationships, and authenticity. Chris introduces the concept of sexual bypassing – using sexual l...

What happens when therapists avoid talking about sex? According to Martha Kauppi (she/they), it often leaves clients feeling invisible, misunderstood, and carrying even more shame than when they arrived. In this conversation, Tom sits down with Martha to explore why sexuality is an essential part of the human experience, and why every therapist should feel equipped to discuss it. Drawing on decade...

What if the biggest obstacle to love isn't finding the right partner -- but the story you've been told about yourself? In this conversation, Tom Bruett (he/him) sits down with Darren Main (he/him), to explore how queer men can heal shame, cultivate authentic relationships, and reconnect with purpose. Drawing from more than 35 years of working with LGBTQ+ communities, Darren shares how his experien...

What does it actually take to build a healthy non-monogamous relationship? In this episode, Tom (he/him) welcomes Andrew Reidenbach (he/him), psychotherapist and Clinical Director of Midtown Mind Psychotherapy, for an honest conversation about open relationships, polyamory, attachment, and the communication skills that help relationships thrive. Andrew shares how he came to specialize in working w...

What happens when everything looks successful on the outside, but you're quietly struggling with performance anxiety, erection challenges, and shame? In this episode, Tom (he/him) sits down with coach Shay Doran (he/him) to explore one of the most misunderstood and least talked-about issues affecting men's sexual wellbeing. Drawing from his own journey from years of silently battling porn use, anx...

How do you protect your prostate, recognize the early signs of erectile dysfunction, and separate medical facts from internet myths? In this episode, Tom (he/him) sits down with Dr. Arthur Burnett (he/him), renowned Johns Hopkins urologist, researcher, and one of the pioneers behind the science that led to Viagra, to discuss what everyone with a prostate should know about sexual health and aging....

Why does betrayal feel so devastating, and why can rebuilding trust feel so difficult after a relationship rupture? In this episode, Tom (he/him) welcomes Dr. Christopher M. Shea (he/him), licensed clinical social worker, sexologist, and researcher focused on queer relationships, betrayal, and healing. Christopher shares his research on betrayal trauma in LGBTQ+ relationships and explores why quee...

What happens when we stop viewing sexuality through a lens of shame and start approaching it with curiosity, compassion, and context? In this episode, Tom Bruett (he/him) welcomes Michael A. Vigorito (he/him), LMFT, CGP, CST-S, sex therapist, author, supervisor, and co-author of Treating Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior, for a conversation about sexuality, shame, and sexual health. Michael shares hi...

In this episode, Tom (he/him) welcomes Chris Rackliffe (he/him), anxious attachment style coach, author, and host of Needy No More podcast, for a deep conversation about attachment, relationships, and healing. Chris shares his own experience with anxious attachment and explores why so many people develop a fear of abandonment, become hypervigilant in relationships, or find themselves chasing conne...

In this interview, Tom (he/him) interviews Joe Winn (he/him) LICSW, CST-S, about one of the most overlooked topics in LGBTQ+ mental health: aging, sexuality, and intimacy. Together, they explore how the HIV/AIDS crisis continues to shape the lives of older queer adults, the grief and resilience carried by LGBTQ+ elders, and the ways ageism affects desire, relationships, and self-worth. Joseph chal...

In this interview, Tom (he/him) interviews Araya (they/them), therapist, columnist, and social policy researcher about serodiscordant (mixed-status) relationships, HIV stigma, disclosure, intimacy, and the realities of living with HIV in 2026. Together they explore how HIV criminalization laws, discrimination, misinformation, and systemic barriers continue to impact queer relationships despite maj...

In this episode, Tom (he/him) interviews writer, comedian, coach, and Two Bi Guys host Robert Brooks Cohen (he/him) about bisexuality, late-life coming out, bi erasure, monogamy, shame, fluidity, and the hidden realities many bi men face. They discuss why only 15% of bi men are out, why bisexuality can feel threatening to rigid social norms, and how younger generations are redefining sexuality and...

In this episode, psychotherapist and sexologist Dr. Joe Kort (he/him) joins Tom Bruett (he/him) for a candid conversation about queer sexuality, kink, shame, relationships, and identity. Dr. Joe Kort shares how his own experiences shaped his groundbreaking work with gay men, kinky clients, and sexually fluid people — including why he walked away from the “sex addiction” model and became one of the...

In this episode, Tom Bruett (he/him) interviews Andrew Katsinas (he/him), a queer sex and trauma therapist, for a wide-ranging conversation about queer male sexuality, emotional intimacy, shame, spirituality, and the hidden ways many LGBTQ+ people learn to disconnect from themselves during sex and relationships. Together, they explore topics like religious messaging, bisexual erasure, hookup cultu...

In this episode, Tom Bruett (he/him) interviews Kit Morgan (he/they), a queer and trans religious trauma-informed educator, licensed clinical social worker, and therapist. Together, they explore how religious trauma continues to shape queer and trans lives long after leaving faith communities. From purity culture and internalized shame to the ways stigma around mental health keeps people stuck, Ki...

In this episode, Tom Bruett (he/him) interviews Andrew Gurza (they/he), an award-winning disability awareness consultant, author, and podcast host of Disability After Dark. What happens when desire, disability, and queer identity intersect? In this conversation, Andrew shares an unfiltered look at dating, intimacy, and ableism in the gay community. Together, they explore why so many queer men stru...

In this episode, Tom Bruett (he/him) interviews Rick Miller (he/him), a pioneering psychotherapist, author and film maker with over 40 years of experience working with gay men and couples. They explore why the relationship between gay sons and their mothers is often uniquely close, the historical harm caused by blaming mothers for their sons’ sexuality, and what Rick’s research and documentary Mom...

In this interview, Tom Bruett(he/him) interviews Paula D. Atkinson (she/her), a queer, liberation-focused psychotherapist based in Palm Springs. They discuss Paula's journey to claiming her queer identity later in life, the gatekeeping she encountered along the way, and why she believes binaries in sexuality, in relationships, and in therapy itself are a lie. Paula shares her philosophy of "infini...