With Aloha

I left my job at the end of June, after an intense year leading the content department of a start-up. I didn’t trade it in for another one; I’m not jumping into something new. I’m taking a summer vacation. The first two weeks into my break, assuaged my fears that: 1.) my day would go off the rails without any external tracks determining my direction, and 2.) the gaping space that 8-10 hours of wor...

I pretend I don't live in Hawaii. I do live in Hawai’i, but I’ve been pretending I don’t. And I’ve gotten so good at this deception over the course of the last year, I almost started to believe it myself. Here’s how: Every weekday morning, I wake up, shower, get dressed, make some coffee for Kevin and tea for myself, take a fistful of vitamins, eat a piece of fruit, and head into a dark room with...

There’s a cat asleep at the foot of my bed, his wheezy snores barely perceptible above the whirr of the dishwasher and the nighttime chorus of coqui frogs. I was a self-professed cat despiser for most of my adult life. I thought they were jerks, what with their seeming disregard for others and their emotional aloofness (plus they made me sneeze). But when we moved to Hawaii, we got two feral “work...

“It’s clothing-optional,” she says as we pull to the side of the road between a long line of cars that have done the same. I’ve lived here for two-and-a-half years and this is my first time to Kahena, one of the few real beaches on this side of the island that also happens to be a nude beach. I nod and coolly ask Ava, “What do you usually do?” “I usually don’t wear a suit — but there are plenty of...

I stand on a deck, barefoot in a bathing suit, second in a long line of people who are gathered on a warm Hawaiian night for a cold plunge. I moved to a place where it’s perennially summer for a reason: I hate the cold. What am I doing here? I went to college in Ithaca, which rests in the Snowbelt of upstate New York. Being from Pennsylvania, I thought I knew what cold was — until my first winter...

There’s a place near my hometown of Scranton, PA whose name I know but, having had no occasion to go there, I don’t know much about. On the way to my brother Jonathan’s wedding last month, it struck me as we drove through it at night. I can’t say exactly what it was — the zigzag of its few-block downtown? The two little bars lit with the energy of a Friday night in a small town? Something else ent...

I don't know what he looks like, the "Man." Is he a tall and bulky stocking-faced shadow like the cartoon villains? Does he have a face and a name and a family? I wonder what my grandmother saw when she closed her eyes and heard the sound that would tip her off that “the man” was breaking in. I wonder what that lightning bolt urge to protect her nine babies felt like. That spark of mental connecti...

I have buried five bodies on my property so far... Five tiny, feeble flightless birds whose names I failed to learn. When I find them, they look like they’re sleeping, eyes closed sweetly, collapsed into a dream on a patch of grass like a blanket. But I know they’re not sleeping. It’s the small feather attached to my cat’s lower lip, quaking in the breeze like a spirit desperately trying to escape...

I was putting on the hot water for tea, my brain still groggy with the tattered remnants of a dream about to dissipate, when Kev came in and said we caught a pig. He was out the door in a camo jacket and work pants and boots before I could understand what was happening. Wild boars have been tearing up our property for two slow years. We used to replace the sod and stomp it down after daylight reve...

Thoughtful or sweet? Sure. Acquiescent and at times even ingratiating — yes. But not nice. I can think of a dozen other ways I would describe myself before using the word “nice:” observant, creative, persistent, generous, grounded, optimistic, intuitive, fair-minded, understanding, gracious, passionate, magnanimous... not nice. And of course, that’s only half of it — one side of the page, if I wer...

Three past the one in which my license lapsed … the license I was meant to transfer from California to Hawai’i within 60 days of moving here. But within those 60 days, a pandemic happened. And things like licensing seemed to fall to the wayside in terms of importance, and eventually it was altogether prohibited — unless you were within 30 days of expiry (which I wasn’t — until I was). So I waited,...

When was the last time you were in a coal mine? If you’re from northeastern Pennsylvania like me, you’ve taken at least two school field trips to the coal mines and perhaps went again as an adult with kids — yours or others — or you played tour guide for a boyfriend or college friend who’d come to visit. If you’re the rest of the US population, unless you’ve been that boyfriend or friend visiting...

This started as an experiment, to create something that would allow you to feel, make you think, coax a chuckle, or release a sigh. I assigned myself the duty of pushing back the walls of “should have done” and “should be doing” to create a tiny space of present moment being for you. For 30 weeks straight, I’ve written, edited, recorded, scored, assembled, and produced this newsletter. I’ve spent...

Assignment : Write a report on a historical figure, event, or invention, then come to the school Halloween parade dressed like that. My best friend chose Florence Nightingale, the legendary nurse, and a reasonable choice for a ten-year-old girl in Catholic school. I could have picked Betsy Ross or Amelia Earhart or even the Boston Tea Party. But no. I chose TNT, dynamite. Perhaps I thought it woul...

But first… (because we both know you don’t always read the P.S.) 1.) I’m having a party for my book! Join me (& the legendary Alison Crosthwait) this Sunday, 10/24, at 1pm HST/4pm PDT/7pm EDT. There will be talking and music (and more talking and more music) and even some… oh, you’ll just have to come to find out! I promise you’ll walk away with more than you came with and also a lot less. RSVP he...

We’re told it’s “contained,” but what does that mean? It's erupting respectfully, mindfully, people-pleasingly? No. This is not how nature works. I wonder how long she can hold back before giving herself over to her sacral urge and creating from her native place of power. It’s only a matter of time, I think. The last notable flow was in ’18; before that, ’83 — the year I was born. A seismic shift...

UPDATE: The book release has been rescheduled to Sunday, October 24th at 1pm HST (4pm PDT/7pm EDT). And I’m excited to announce my dear friend (and artist, guide, and remarkable human) Alison Crosthwait will be hosting the event! We’re co-creating something really special for you all. Please come and receive! If you haven’t yet, you can RSVP here . I’ll send out a more detailed invite in the comin...

I take a sip and split into four versions of myself... Age 7, Nana & Papa's A cacophony of voices coming from the dining room: an uncle doing impressions, then a crescendo of laughter. Thick burgundy glass goblets and lipstick-marked teacups strewn about the crumb-covered, gravy-dotted tablecloth. The labored whir of an overworked dishwasher and the hushed whispers of generations of women statione...

If you trace the breadcrumb of a memory, where will it lead? Somehow, always back to the present. I sit watching the smoke from my essential oil diffuser drift in front of the window and then blow back towards my face in swirling whisps. The vapor strands pull on the threads of a memory. Seventeen, working at Concession Stand 6 in the baseball stadium of the minor league team in my hometown. In th...

"Gregory," the text starts. I'm about to reply with a courtesy "wrong number" when the next text comes in: "Gregory, don't forget to claim your big reward!"  Spam texting. Well, that's new. Over just a few days, Gregory has won a new iPad, a cruise, a one-night stay (just one night?!) at a Sheraton hotel, and a mysterious "big reward." I'm not prone to FOMO and rarely covet others' material posses...

What if…Our universe is someone’s cup of pour-over morning coffee? Our planet, one air bubble of many. The galaxy, a swirl of brown foam. The stars, moist grounds that catch the fluorescent kitchen light. The percolated drips sucked into the black hole of the carafe below, each pour of hot water reconfiguring the stars and the planets. Sugar cubes extinguishing Things That Came Before Us. Cream sp...

I know most of you read rather than listen to these. But this week, there are no words to read because I didn’t have anything prepared. I didn’t write anything new, and by the time I sat down to, I didn’t have time to write, edit, and record. Instead, I closed my eyes and spoke into the microphone. I felt like I was telling you a long-distance secret, sharing a memory that’s buried so deep its pre...

I think we can all agree... 2020 was a storm of a year. In my personal life, though, the first 10 months were in overwhelming contrast to the external world: I moved to Hawaii, got married, bought a house, and got pregnant. It was exciting and a lot of change all at once, and it required adjustment and some grit, but I like change and have grit. Those first 10 months were what I now realize to be...

The parts of you that are fading are like dry skin cells sloughing off in the shower. Something you once carried, the tiny particles of who you were but are no longer are racing towards the sucking swirl of the drain. Let them go. They served you then, but you are stepping into now… and now… and now. They can’t keep up, just like the scattered leaves left behind by the wind of a fast car around a...

A tiny fly just walked across my table to a teeny fallen flower bud. As he approached it, I marveled at how similar the two looked. Same size, dark and compact. One animated, the other contracted and lifeless. Then I marveled again when the fly lifted a wee arm to shake the bud awake. It did not wake. So he climbed up onto it as if crawling into bed with a loved one upon realizing they had passed....